


The Way to Kill Me is You

by Konnation_Station



Category: H2OVanoss - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2016-07-09
Packaged: 2018-04-18 15:39:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 44,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4711280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Konnation_Station/pseuds/Konnation_Station
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Years after their break up, finally they reunite at a getaway trip with friends to a luxurious cabin at the lake for the weekend in the summer. Each person brings their pair, both not single. Does Evan feel something towards Jonathan? Will Jonathan feel anything for Evan? As this will be the longest and tension-filled three days they will ever experience.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

_ *Five Years After Their Breakup* _

_Ay bring your girl. You don’t wanna be all awkward while we’re there with our pairs. You know who he’s coming with so you might as well too._

He knows they were over but he couldn’t help to feel the pang of achiness hit his heart. Through all these years, mentions and thoughts about him gives him a bittersweet tackle to the past, mostly more bitter than sweet because the sweet _is_ the bitterness. So this moment has finally come. They’re going to face each other after five too-fast years since their parting.

Parts of him wanted to decline this trip but the other part he wanted to see him again. Maybe ask him how he is after all these years. How’s his job, his health, if he takes his vitamins like he’s supposed to, if he still have those bad stomach aches whenever he would skip meals from working too much.

He wants to see how he looks. Did he get thinner or did he gained weight? From the information that has been given to him in their close circle of friends, he has been working out. Which is great since he knows what a lazy this-is-my-comfort-zone obsessed inactive baby he is, to work out that is a great improvement; blessed with incredibly fast metabolism by doing nothing at all and still maintain his weight. He felt rest assured knowing he’s well and healthy.

He’s more curious to how he looks now. He wasn’t skinny but he wasn’t chubby either just. Normal. Well the last time he saw him. A lot of things can happen and change in five years, but he will always be beautiful no matter how he looked.

Sitting on a stool at his kitchen bar staring at the text for the past fifteen minutes. Whenever his phone turns off he unlocks it and stares. Staring as if it would automatically reply for him or maybe even better decides what to say forhim.

Before he can think of a reply his mind would always sidetrack to something else. Their memories. Making up possible scenarios of what will or would happen when they meet. Would he totally ignore him the entire trip or would he act as if everything’s okay and forgotten? Will he still try to be his friends again or completely treat him as a ghost amongst everyone else?

His phone chimed, there’s a new message.

_You better not tell us you can’t go and flake on us with some bullshit excuse. We haven’t seen each other in so long dude, especially together. The whole squad is ready to go, even him. So all we need is you buddy._

He clutched his phone. Its a nerve wracking thought he couldn’t get through. How could he face him again after that break up, when he’s the one that broke it off. That unforgettable day with heavy rain hitting the roof as water drips down onto the wooden patio floor. The sound that will forever haunt him. After that day they never talked or saw each other- after that day half of him died.

Another message popped up and he was thankful for it to take his mind off that dark past.

_It’s been five years, things can change during those long periods. At least he’s coming still knowing that you’re invited so just come and relax with us, we never get this opportunity to for years and you know that. It’s the whole reunion with your good old childhood friends._

He sighed and rubbed his eyes. Now he thinks; he’s still coming even when he knows I’m going too. What does that mean? Does he only want to play and participate? Was he pressured to going or he just doesn’t care and forgot about everything that has happened between us?

‘God it’s not that simple and easy Tony.’ He said to himself.

Tony, one of his best friends since elementary. Growing up to be a complete playboy with the talent of convincing and persuading people. Maybe that’s why he’s talking to him, he got a job and his job is to lure him into this trip which he already is planning to go but just needing that final push.

Sitting there still pondering on his decision, having an inner flaming turmoil in his brain of all the possible disasters that could happen. The guilt still eating him inside after years of fighting and battling they still crawl its head back. Guilty for breaking the promise he gave, was to never hurt him. He had failed him.

Suddenly his phone rang, and now his eyes are too tired to look down onto the screen which he already know whose calling. _Tony._ Persistent as ever, he never changed. Whenever someone doesn’t reply to him and he knows they read it, he’ll call them. Like he’s doing right now.

Knowing if he doesn’t pick up, Tony will set his phone on flames till he gets what he wants. That’s why he’s calling, to have this dreadful conversation he’s been avoiding.

He sighed and swiped without the need to look and he was cut off before he gets to say his greeting.

‘Evan please. What’s in the past is in the past, you both moved on and this is a rare chance we get to play together Evan. You know how we’re all busy as hell and now God gave all of us a break for the weekend. It’s just three days nothing bad you think is going to happen will happen okay? It’s just your five best childhood friends that you love so dearly. Me, Ben, Holy, Amber…’

Tony was a little hesitant to say the last name in the group, it’s been a long time since any of his friends says his name in front of him. He didn’t see what the big deal is just say it, they’re making it even weirder by doing that.

It’s been a long time since he heard that name.

‘… and Jonathan.’

He was wrong. It _was_ a big deal. He closed his eyes as chills ran down his legs and up his back. Always the sound of his name gave him a painful melancholy pull to the past, to the good times and bad times. That name will always give him a stinging heartache.

‘Anyways, the girls are bringing their fiancés and I’m bringing my girlfriend so you should bring yours too okay? Let go of the past and have fun with us. Some quality bonding like the old days, alright? Please.’

Evan wonders why didn’t he mention if Jonathan’s coming with anyone; _is he not coming with someone? Is he single?_

And also he didn’t mention Ben and his heart caved, stomach having mini tumbles. And he started sweating, just a little as he answered his own question, his brain denied the conclusion he came up with as he just made himself annoyed and irritated for no reason and he has no reasons and rights to _be_ irritated.

‘Evan, hello? You still there?’

Tony’s voice got louder through the speakers as he was tuning himself out. Clearing his voice as the question came out his mouth clear and calm when he already know the tragic answer.

‘Why didn’t you mention if Jonathan and Ben is coming with anyone?’

He instantly regretted what he just said, literally biting his own tongue, mentally yelling at his stupid brain for not processing the filters fast enough to stop his mouth from running. Clenching his jaws tight as he readies himself for the blast of heartache. That’s a feeling he hasn’t felt in a while.

Somehow he wanted someone to physically tell him, to confirm to him so the pain and truth can kill him more in hopes he’ll actually completely forget him and move on this time.

Every time Evan thinks about him, there’s some feelings he had tried so hard to bury over time- resurfaces.

Tony sighed.

It was too late to tell him to cancel that answer, to just stop. Nothing came out his mouth as his heart forced him to listen- staying completely still as eyes remained closed.

He thinks if he had opened them his brain would register nothing Tony has said as words would go in and flow out the other. If he had opened them they will soon be closed again anyway. He needs to listen not hear this time.

‘Evan you know Ben had his eyes on Jonathan _before_ you guys started dating, you were lucky enough that he chose _you_ over Ben. Come on you know that.’

He knows Tony didn’t want to _fully_ answer the question, he knows Tony was holding back in hopes for him to find his own answer, to piece things together on his own without the need to say anything more. He definitely knows, but he wants to hear Tony say it, and for some reason he doesn’t know why.

‘Answer the question.’ Voice coming out a little harsh than he wanted them to be, he doesn’t mean to.

There was a pause between their lines so he waits.

‘You let him go.. Ben took the chance he got, you offered him the opportunity he’s been dying for years to get. You know how Jonathan is, he needs affection and love, _especially_ after you left him. And Ben was there for him, he gave him what he needed. He completely attached himself to Jonathan for years in worry he’s going to do something stupid. Evan, Jonathan was a mess when you left know that. So they’re together for a while now and I don’t know how far they’ve gone together. Is that what you want to hear? Is that what you want?’

Tony’s voice were gentle and calm surprisingly.

He then realized his eyes were opened, didn’t exactly know when, maybe when Tony said Jonathan was a mess. Because of him. He felt more guilty than ever with a kick to his side, he knows too well to pretend he doesn’t. It’s his fault and no one to blame so he has no rights to say anything about Ben’s and Jonathan’s relationship together, he got no say no rights.

It’s not like he wasn’t suffering too, he was dying inside for years. Every awakened time of day he’s always on his mind to the moment he close his eyes at night, even then he was all over Evan’s dreams.

Evan got what he wanted, it kind of hurt.

They were both silent. Evan took the time to unclench his fist which he also didn’t know when he had fisted them so hard the whites of his knuckles showed.

Then Tony cleared his throat. Maybe to ease the awkwardness he thinks he had said too much.

‘Look, I didn’t call you to have this conversation Evan. Years have passed, things changed. So there’s no reason to have this adhesive guilt you’re feeling. Let that flow pass the bridge and start anew. Come. Come play with us, we’re going to have bomb barbeques, go clubbing like the good old days, play in the lake, chill in the sun, play fun games in the cabin. Like I said who knows when we’re able to have this opportunity with all of us together again, we basically have to be around the world for work so it’s a miracle. We can do a lot of fun things Evan and you’ll forget all that negative feelings you have when you see how Jonathan is completely fine, as long as he’s happy you’re happy right?’  

‘Of course Tony what kind of question is that? If he’s happy I’ll always be happy.’

Tony didn’t need to say anything more he already stamped his decision before the call.

‘I will be there.’

‘Yes! Yes, thank you soo much. Evan you won’t regret this. Don’t tell the rest I want to tell them the good news. See ya then! I love you man.’

The sound of Tony’s fervent excitement made Evan cracked a smile after some gloomy thoughts he had seconds ago. Maybe this will be a fun experience, after years apart from each other, it’ll be nice to see them all together again. Just like old times.

The phone still held against his ear after he heard the line disconnected as he thinks. He froze in place as he thinks of Jonathan of all people he should think about right now, it wasn’t helping with his soon to come anxiety. Evan doesn’t know what kind of feeling this is that’s resurfacing, a wide variety of feelings that’s confusing the hell out of him at this moment.

He’s not supposed to feel jealousy is he? Is he allowed to feel upset? Frustrated or… Regret?

Apparently he’s out of his mind right now.

Evan shook his head fast hoping to shake off the extra nonsense thoughts with it, he rubbed the top of his nose bridge in seeking for some kind of relief with the circular probing, heaving a heavy sigh with his eyes closed. The light coming through the kitchen window was suddenly too bright for his diminutive headache.

There was an indefinite, strange feeling deep in his soul he was too afraid to dig. Evan thinks of something else whenever that lump crawls in, that little smidge second he thought of Jonathan. He seriously doesn't know what to do with the feeling that comes with it- Still unknown.

‘Hey are you listening to some depressing voicemail or something? Why do you look so distressed babe?’

Evan took in a breath as warm arms circles themselves around his torso, he put down his phone down as a chin rested on his shoulder and he smiled.

He turned to the weight on his shoulder and was greeted with a sweet, subtle smile. Evan wrapped his hands on the arms around his body, instantly he felt at ease.

The way her lashes fanned with her glowing eyes was always calming to look at. Evan leaned forward to rest his forehead against her’s and her smile grew.

 

=====

She was the person who lifted him from the dark era he was in months ago, the only person who made him feel better at that time, to make him wanting to be a better person. She brought him back to reality and he couldn’t thank her enough for that, he could never repay her for what she has done for him.

They’ve been friends for a couple of months after meeting each other at a post office, weird enough she was the person that made him feel anger for the longest time of feeling nothing but numbness, confusion and self-loathing. It was all because she had a wad of packages she wanted to send and was taking what he feel like was half an hour.

All he did was told her to hurry up and stop holding him up cause he got other stuff to do when he have to rush all the way to this place before closing. Usually he can put up with these kind of situations, but he was fed up with the girl’s constant questions and slow enquiry process.

What happened after was unexpected to him, she apologized and offered to get him a cup of coffee, and he accepted. Their relationship started after that day.

Evan committed to himself he wouldn’t get into any kind of relationship, whether it’s just friends or something more, he doesn’t trust himself. He wouldn’t want to meet anyone as they would open themselves to him and ended up hurting them. He was scared.

She is too sweet and understanding, with all the patience she has been given to him, he didn’t feel rushed to open up, it came naturally which he haven’t been able to do for the longest time to anyone. She dug deeper and without realizing it Evan spilled his hidden feelings he had bottled up to her. It felt so calming and alleviating to tell someone how you have been actually feeling. Adeline knew, she knew he was hiding some things as it was physically showing- eating him away.

She brought him back to the world as he became himself again. Evan can never thank her enough as he can never repay her for what she has done for him. She made him smile, laugh and most of all a good night sleep without dreams of Jonathan.

Evan was scared of course but Adeline didn’t mind the prolonged relationship, she didn’t mind if this relationship won’t progress and go to nowhere. It was fine if she gets to be beside him. That’s what she had told him.

Seven months later they had their first kiss.

To one year after their first conversation Evan gave in as feelings bloomed for Adeline. She brought happiness back into his heart and he can never be more grateful and blessed to have met her. He tells himself to do his best to make the relationship work without bringing himself down by the past and dragging her down with him in the depressing pit of darkness he was out nearly a year ago.

Some part of Evan felt ever so guilty for starting anew so soon so fast. He felt he’s being selfish for wanting to be himself again. To feel human again, he was tired.

It’s not like every day he doesn’t still thinking about Jonathan. How is he? How is he feeling? Is he well? Probably not. And he’s back to his wallowing state thinking about him, always being at the back of his mind with the twinge of pain deep in his heart locked away only for him to know and feel. 

Unfortunately, it leads to the thing Evan can’t give to Adeline are promises, the promises she want and need him to say. But she eventually understood and stopped requesting more of him. He swore not to give promises he can’t keep, things will never go as planned as he want them to, it’ll go out of his control and he’ll have no choice but to break them.

Evan’s not doing that. Not again.

=====

‘We should pack for this coming weekend.’ Evan said still leaning against her forehead.

Adeline beamed. Evan knows she’s been wanting to meet his friends. Closest friends for the longest time. He’s always been cooped in the house after work, staying in on the weekends when some days she would ask him if he had any friends to hang out with. But Evan insisted he likes staying at home more.

Adeline have met some of his regular one or two friends from work, but that was all. She’s been wanting to meet his friends he grew up with, Adeline wanted to know more of him, he knows that. But it just wasn’t the time, one they’re all busy. Two most of them are around the world and three the girls are kind of uncomfortable with Evan dating someone, they said they felt a little sadden.. _for Jonathan_.

Which he can understand. That’s why he didn’t want to go to this reunion in the first place, he’s afraid they’ll treat Adeline differently maybe even cruel to her. But he knows they wouldn’t do that, to ruin a long-term friendship? No they wouldn’t. They promised him, both of them begging him on the phone was enough for him, he loves to tease them like regular siblings would have done.

Adeline lets go of the embrace and came to his side to turn him faced her, eyes full of gleam and he smiles.

‘Oh my god really? You finally decided to go? With me with you? Do your friends want me there?’

Adeline bombarded Evan with questions and for certainty his answers are the things she wants to hear. Evan smiles as he answered.

‘Yes yes yes and yes.’

Adeline squeezed herself between Evan’s legs to give him a big, warm hug and he chuckled, Evan naturally wrapped his arms around her and massages her back in swiping motions as he rests his chin on top of her crown. She’s squealing with happiness and it’s something he finds so adorable in her.

As she lets him go she planted a quick kiss to his lips.

‘That’s two more days, I’m going to go home and pack my stuff then I’ll come over tonight and then we’re good to go.’ Adeline suggested her plan.

Evan nodded. ’Yeah that’ll be great.’

Adeline rested her hands on his cheeks lovingly with appreciation through her eyes and he smiles knowingly. It’s something he can at least do for her is to let her meet the most important people in his life other than his family.

‘Thank you for letting this happen.’

Adeline was too sweet and he felt extremely blessed to have someone like her in his life supporting what he does and decisions he makes. Maybe this will be a fun and merry weekend, he guess this isn’t going to be a bad idea after all.

‘No problem at all, now go.’

He stroked her hair and she gave a prompt kiss to his cheek, said her goodbye and then she was off.

Evan thinks he might as well just take a nap to maybe fasten the time since he got nothing to do in his agenda, and also that last phone call kind of put a slight strain to his head and he need to sleep it off. Something he tends to love doing, sleep something off instead of thinking about them, it always solves the problem.

He needs to get this uneasy, weird feeling off his mind. He doesn’t like feeling like this, something he still doesn’t get what it is. _Sleep always solves everything._

In his pajamas, he pushed himself off the stool and dragged his feet to the couch. As he lies down he can feel the tautness and stress uneased just half off his mind. Evan sighed while rubbing at his temples,

Closing his eyes and he can feel the fatigue’s rapidly kicking in.

 

 

| |

 

 

 

‘Evan catch me.’

He’s standing in a very familiar place, _too_ familiar. A park, a place where he goes to relax, somewhere he’s able to take a full breather, an escape somewhat.

This is the park where he used to live close to. A peaceful place with people walking their dogs, families and friends having picnics, kids running around with their friends and siblings. Benches and trees for couples to sit and enjoy their time.

Like what they usually do on Sundays.

It’s almost sunset and the sun is shining on the orange and yellow autumn leaves so bright he couldn’t see the figure standing twelve feet away from him. Wind rustling the leaves on the tree as the yellow light beamed in his eyes, the person was glowing in a way.

And that voice he knew too well to forget. Maybe in the next lifetime he would still remember that voice, hearing it in a crowd- always humming in the back of his mind.

Evan stepped forward three feet and he sees the most beautiful thing he haven’t seen in forever.

Jonathan, holding out his right hand towards him with an innocent grin curved on his lips. The sun and the shadow of the leaves made him sparkle and glow as were his eyes radiating under the orange light of the sunset.

He walks towards him and Jonathan moved away with an amused smile.

‘Catch me.’ Jonathan said in the softest tone as he gifted Evan with a ruddiness smile.

Evan smiled back and starts to pick up his pace, first with a fast walk but Jonathan backed away whenever his feet made a step so he made a run for him.

Jonathan laughed and ran as he’s looking back.

It’s that moment when Evan know he can lucid dream he will put all his effort to make every action count .But he can’t seem to catch him no matter how hard he tries to run- move his feet faster, push them harder, but Jonathan just seem so far away.

Then Jonathan seem to have slowed down as he’s seeing him getting closer to Jonathan as he ran, he thanked Morpheus for that blessing now that he was able to catch him.

Evan reached out his hand aiming for Jonathan’s and grasp them as soon as possible in fear he’ll lose him and slip from that opportunity to have that hand-in-hand contact. Evan sighed in relief as he caught that hand and pulled.

Yanking that hand back and came facing a luminous smile with those shining eyes of his. He could cry with that sight alone. If he could cry in dreams he would.

_So pretty._

He intertwined their fingers to press Jonathan’s palm smushed against his as if he’s afraid he’ll slip away like sand through his fingers.

Jonathan panted from that minor run they had, still having that tender smile on his face while looking at him and it was as if he was star-struck seeing something so rare and dearing in years.

Evan lifted his hand and caressed Jonathan’s cheek, warm and soft just like he remembered.

It’s been a long while to be able to touch Jonathan like this, and even if it’s only in a dream he’s absolutely content with this feeling. He’s happy with that. Evan hopes he’s able to remember this experience after he wakes up.

He doesn’t want to _ever_ wake up.

Jonathan kept his smile against his hand. _Was he always this stunning the last time I remembered him?_

‘Were you always this pretty?’ Evan managed to speak.

All Jonathan did was huffed a wider smile and turned his face to press his lips in his palm. And Evan’s heart hurts, knowing this is only a dream, he couldn’t have this in real life. No more gestures like this, no more kisses, no more Jonathan.

Evan turned Jonathan’s face to look at him, he wants to see those eyes. Those comforting yet wicked eyes, the eyes he memorized exactly how they looked like, to the mountains inside and surrounds his iris. He have to take it in as much as possible before it’s gone. Who knows when he’s able to see these this close again.

Then he chose to be more courageous and daring because why not? It’s only a dream, there’s no consequences, there’s nobody to tell him what’s right or wrong.

He tilted and leaned his head down, silently praying he won’t wake up before this happen. He needs this to happen, he really want this.

Jonathan smile slightly fades as he’s looking at Evan’s lips. He got to do this fast before this all goes away, but not too fast thinking he’ll just scared Jonathan away or speed up the dream then it’ll be all over before anything happens.

The anticipation he’s feeling was wild, he wants those lips to remind him what they tastes like. The owner’s lips were the first ever lips to have touched his and he wants to feel those again.

Evan was so close to the only thing he wants right now, centimeter, millimeters. He can feel Jonathan’s breath on his lips. _Please just a little more._

Then suddenly Jonathan stepped back and slipped his hand out of his grasp. Leaving Evan stunned and disappointed. He looked at Jonathan with sadness in his eyes, he guessed he deserved that. But Jonathan was still smiling when he looked at him.

‘I can’t get a kiss?’ Evan asked in a gentle tone.

‘No.’ Jonathan replied in the same gentle tone as he did.

‘Why?’ He was curious on what answer the dream Jonathan would answer back.

‘Because I hate you.’ Jonathan said in the most casual voice he possessed, as it was a matter of fact.

That hurt. If this was in real life his heart would’ve broke and shattered in front of Jonathan’s very eyes and he would see through them all. Evan wouldn’t know what to do after that except being lost all over again.

But right now, right here there was just a sting and he was thankful for that. _It’s just a dream Evan._

‘Why?’

‘You made me love you.’ Jonathan answered so quietly he almost couldn’t hear him, but it was definitely clear enough to reach his ears.

Jonathan’s smile was gone and those beaming eyes were replaced with sorrow.

Evan is crying but no tear was flowing out. He felt mortified, guilt-ridden, and ashamed. A strong feeling of self-hatred, he had failed both of them. He had ruined everything and he hates himself.

‘Don’t hate me.’ Evan sounded so pitiful but he doesn’t care a bit.  
  
‘You don’t have to love me, but don’t hate me.’

They were only two feet apart but Jonathan looked so far away it was visually and emotionally impossible to reach him the way he wants to. Even if he tries to touch Jonathan, he’s scared he’ll just back more away from him and if it’s at that point he’d rather just wakeup from this nightmare.

But Jonathan somewhat put mercy on Evan and walked closer to him, puts his hands on each of Evan’s cheeks- rubbing small swipes on his cheekbones.

Evan sighed in blissfulness and leaned into Jonathan’s hand. Soft and warm. As always. _Can I have this back?_

He circled his arms around Jonathan’s lower back and pulled him in closer. Grateful he didn’t push himself off.

Evan is now extremely focusing on Jonathan’s face. Checking if there are any fine lines on the outer corner of his eyes, where the lines would appear when he would laugh and truly smile. Those little twinkling lines of an eye smile Evan loves so much. None.

Checked if there are any bags, wrinkles, or dark circles under his eyes. None. Lips perfectly moist and unchapped. Jonathan’s skin was glowing already with the light from the setting sun.

Suddenly he noticed, the park is now completely empty. No more children running around. No more picnics, no more couples, no more dogs running out and about. It’s just the two of them standing on the paved concrete in the middle of the park. Then he looked back at Jonathan.

Jonathan is perfect. Just like the first time he met him. Looking at him with decadence, it was as if he’s looking at Evan with equal observation. He wonders if the Jonathan in reality is having the same dream as him. The look in his eyes felt so real.

_I want to kiss you so bad._

Panning his eyes down onto Jonathan’s lips, wondering when he would have the chance to get that small kiss. Probably never.

_I want your lips._

Then Jonathan moved his hand and covered Evan’s eyes.

Evan can feel Jonathan moving closer, he can feel his breath against his lips and he’s sure it’s not the wind. Evan can feel the very slope of Jonathan’s lips against his as he whispered.

‘I can never really hate you.’

As Jonathan’s lips were still just right there for him to catch, he made a move for it and leaned forward at the same time Jonathan uncovered his eyes.

They were at a total different scenario, location and position. _Oh dear god it’s back._

Jonathan is straddling him on their very leather couch when they lived together at the time. Both of them wearing the same outfits as they were in the park moments ago.

They’re both in the apartment complex where they used to live together, everything was the same the way he remembered them. To the digital clock on the TV stand with Jonathan’s favorite coffee mug on the living room table. Blinds all pulled up how Jonathan likes them, it’s his way of loving the natural sunlight bleeding through the house. The time always exactly at 4:52 p.m.

This house hold the best and worst memories, but mostly best. Everything with Jonathan was his best memoirs. 

This isn’t the first time he would have dirty dreams with Jonathan. Almost every week he would have one or two, or maybe once a month if he’s busy enough to not be able to sleep as much. A cruel part of it was he likes it.

The scene they’re in isn’t the first time he gets to experience this that’s for sure. The park scenario was a new one. Evan knows what’s going to happen here, as it’s always the same but he absolutely doesn’t mind it at all, he welcomes it with wide-opened arms.

‘Did you miss me baby?’ Jonathan said in his low, sultry tone and Evan loves it every time.

‘Yeah.’ Evan breathed out, now he noticed how good Jonathan looked in that grey t-shirt he’s in.

Jonathan have his hands on his chest as he sit on his crotch, the weight is doing so good on him.

‘How much?’

That little wicked grin is back, where he lifts one corner of his mouth upward. Oh how he misses that look.

‘To the stars and back.’

Evan changes that reply every time this state of affair shows up. He wants to be creative, he likes to pretend this is reality because everything he says is true.

Jonathan smiled fondly down at him. ‘Wow that’s a whole lot.’

He nodded. ‘Yeah.’

Then the cruel part begins. Jonathan starts grinding and his mouth instantly slacks partly open as he breathes through his mouth. That perfectly skilled movement of his hips has been his weakness since the start, they were rolling at the right angle and weight.

Evan moved his hands to lift Jonathan’s shirt just slightly so he can touch a bit of skin and grab his waist at the same time. He’s panting out his pleasure while keeping their eye contact.

Seeing Jonathan beautifully sitting on top of him with those hooded eyes and parted lips he think he’s going to cum in his pants. Again.

_Shit. Not yet not yet._

Evan doesn’t want to wake up yet.

Then Jonathan starts to speak. _That’s something new, this never happened before._

‘Is she better than me?’ Jonathan questioned moderately while still grinding down on him.

Evan was surprised other than shocked. He looked at Jonathan as if the answer would be in his eyes. Confused on what to say.

‘Does she treat you better than I can?’ Panting out another question.

‘Can she fuck you better than I can?’

Jonathan bit his lip as he rolls harder and for sure he’s going to cum in his pants when he wakes up. This is too cruel to wake up without seeing him, they’ll be back to total strangers with cum in his underwear like a little teen boy just hitting his puberty era.

‘Jonathan please. I’m sorry, please don’t hate me.’ Evan said in a soft and soothing voice, sounds again; pitiful.

He says as though the real Jonathan is really here. That is what he really wants to say, how he really feels about it all between them. Now he’s confusing himself whether this is reality or a dream. He’s losing his mind.

Evan grasped at Jonathan’s thighs, it was getting too hard to breathe. Evan thinks, is this a way to punish him?

Jonathan looked straight through his eyes as he got his weak spot. He would know the things that’ll make him succumb under his will, then he wonders if this is the real Jonathan in his dream right now it feels way too good.

Moments later Jonathan looked as if he’s about to cry, it’s not one of those glossy, stifling eyes when they would do these kind of intimate activities. The end of his nose is slightly red and his lips were quivering. It’s the sight that’ll be the cause of his demise.

‘Babe don’t hate me.’ Evan pleads.

The _babe_ was not a slip, he’s been yearning to say them. He’s fine if this isn’t the real life Jonathan who’s hearing him say this but at least he gets to say it, it’ll suffice.

Jonathan stopped his grinding and were just sitting on top of him, still looking as if he’s about to cry but no tears were falling. His thumb rubbing Evan’s chest right above his heart and it burned.

‘You said you love me.’ Jonathan’s voice broke to half whispers.

The gleam in his eyes were gone but they’re still shimmering and shining above him, and those pretty lips quivering vaguely between his teeth, he was trying to hold back a sob Evan can tell.

Then he felt the strong surge of just wanting to love him all over again, he looked so vulnerable Evan can’t help but wanting to protect him from everything. But it’s too late for that.

Jonathan looked so exposed and susceptible he’s dying to wrap his arms around him and pull him in but his body refuses him to do that. _What a cruel dream this is._

All Evan’s allowed to do was lift a hand to Jonathan’s cheek and caressed them as effortful as possible. Jonathan grabbed his hand against his face and tilt his head, nuzzling into them as he closed his eyes. He brushed Jonathan’s eyelid and a tear gathered on the pad of his thumb and his chest throbbed in pain. He hates himself, even in dreams he made Jonathan cry, he’s the worst.

‘Babe I _still_ love you.’ Evan spoke clearly, he wants Jonathan to hear him with certainty.

Jonathan opened his eyes and leaned a tad forward, just right above Evan’s face.

‘You lie. You’re a liar.’ Jonathan declared softly.

There was a glimpse of potential Evan saw in his eyes, a tinge of sadness and he absolutely objects to that accusation. It made him want to scream, but how dreams are they never allow you to scream the way you want to, they go to deaf ears with muted shouts.

Evan shook his head.

‘I’m not. I’m not lying to you.’ Evan tenderly answered.

_Believe me._

He pressed his hand more firmly against Jonathan’s cheek till they’re squeezed in his palm. Evan is extremely adoring Jonathan to the point it’s becoming a struggle he can’t give more affection for him.  
  
Evan’s other hand holding Jonathan’s as it lays on top of his heart- they were slightly shaking under his hand, a bit cold.

‘If you’re lying you’re going to wake up.’ Jonathan warned.

This dream is becoming so vivid to Evan, it’s something so new he’s scared. This is why it’s a dream because it’s too good to be true, it’ll be over too soon. He wants to stay here- forever if he can.

‘Then I’m staying here forever then.’

Jonathan smiled.

_What can I do to have this back?_

The weight of him felt so realistic, Evan had the slightest hope maybe he’ll be here when he wakes.

‘Tell me you love me.’ Jonathan quietly asked.

‘I love you.’ Evan stated with no hesitation

Jonathan kept his smile as he turned his head and pressed his lips in the middle of his palm.

It was the whole truth and he just realized a completely new feeling and it’s an agonizing realization.

Evan turned Jonathan’s head and his eyes are back on him. With the sunlight emitting through the glass window, his eyes were the most stunning color of clear blue crystals. He swiped his thumb across Jonathan’s lips and that thirst for a kiss is back.

For years, in his dreams with Jonathan he never once got a kiss and right now he’s determined to have one. Just once on the lips. He _needs_ to taste them again.

‘Can I please have a kiss?’ Evan melodiously asked.

Jonathan smiled, he leaned slowly closer only separated by a foot away from his face.

Evan froze.

It was a gorgeous snapshot of his face close up, bathing in the sunlight as every feature advanced before his eyes. He would kill for a physical picture of this image alone- Jonathan holding his hand as they’re caressing his cheek as he burrow into them with the most charming, sweet smile gifted only to him. Eyes gazing at him with a soothing, reassuring way it makes Evan smitten for him all over again.

That’s what Evan wants.

‘Tell me you love me again.’ Jonathan softly spoke.

‘Babe I love you.’

Those words rolled off his tongue like water sliding down skin. They came out naturally and never had he had a hard time saying them. He realized it’s always been easy to say them to Jonathan. Now that he’d realized them, he absolutely meant every word he said. Evan would repeat those words how many time Jonathan wants.

Evan didn’t think this kind of feeling would resurface in a dream of all situations. He tried so hard to bury those feelings in the pit of his soul and never were to dig them back ever again. But things just come and change everything he’d worked for whether he wants them to or not.

Jonathan’s eyes were twinkling with gladness and that smile of his. Evan’s favorite smile he’s ever made showing his full front row of teeth.

Jonathan giggled- once again Evan’s heart bursted.

‘Did you meant them?’

Evan quickly nodded. ‘Absolutely, every word.’

Jonathan leaned further down and Evan braced himself. Was this finally the moment he’s been asking for?

His breath fanned Evan’s mouth and he’s watching Jonathan’s lips as they get closer. Centimeters, millimeters.

Evan huff a chuckle as Jonathan kissed the underline of his jaw to his chin. Evan focused on the feel of Jonathan’s lips, soaking it all in as brushes of lips slides across. Automatically lifts his chin as he lets Jonathan do whatever he wants to him.

I _guess it’s too good to be true._  
  
As lips reached to the bottom of his ear, Jonathan wrecked him as he deeply purred a mantra he’s sure will wake him up.

‘I’ll love you, forever and ever and ever and ever and ever—.’

 

 

| |

 

 

Evan opened his eyes as he breathed heavily out his mouth.

He was exhausted, heart beating like mad. He looked at the clock above the TV- _4:52._ He slept for three hours. And that time- how ironic.

Cool breeze drifts through the opened porch door pushing the thin mesh curtains inwards, it created a peaceful view for him to calm down from his keen dream.

‘Fuck.’ He sighed.

Evan covered his eyes with his forearm and he can feel a warm tear ran down his temple. If he covers them he feels more hidden, somehow sensing peace while he breaks down inside.

Having a throbbing awkward boner was the least of his problems as he’s dealing with something more severe than that. What Evan always thought for his entire life, the statement he said earlier before he went to sleep.

_Sleep always solves everything._

Boy was he in for a smack in the face with the solution. A realization out of all the times he slept and dreamt, it has to be today. An awareness of comprehension he now came to face with and it hit him like a jolt of electricity.

_Why now? When there’s two more days left till I see him for another whole three days? What am I going to do? I’m such a monster._

Another tear ran towards his hair. He realized, no, he  _knows_ the feelings he had for Jonathan it just wasn’t supposed to reappear so blindingly without his control like that. He’s not supposed to feel like this, not right now.

The pain in his chest is so strong with the overflow of blissful memories, pure love, adoration and the only reason that’s causing this is—the love of his life.

Evan was hurting knowing it’s too late. This wasn’t supposed to happen, everything was planned and set in concrete.

A dream wasn’t supposed to make him feel like this, it’s not supposed to plan what he truly feels. Evan doesn’t want them to be put in his face like this.

Heart still beating frantically, because of the dream and after that- his realization.

Evan rubbed his face along with his tears and sat up.

Sheen sweat covered on his neck and hairline after that long nap he needs a shower, and another problem is he need to take care of this aching erection that’s refusing to go away no matter how stressed and drained he already is.

 

 

Hot water on his neck and shoulders were the only anchor to distract his mind off that dream. Evan felt serene as he tries to unwind the ache on his body, trying to calm his heart. It was hurting from the too vivid dream, those eyes.

That smile, that pout. The giggle coming out those lips, and that voice. The feel of his hands and cheeks, skin on skin. The way he misses them is too deep

_How is it becoming like this? You were doing so well Evan. Get your head straight you can’t turn back time. Idiot._

He breathed in, and out. Inhale, exhale.

Looked down. It’s still there, no matter how relaxed he is it still wouldn’t go away. It really want him to do this? Every wet dream he had this is the strongest.

_Why’re you doing this to me?_

Evan sighed, lifts his head letting the hot water hit his face and slowly slides his hand down his stomach- automatically took in a shaking breath as he reached his erection.

Mindlessly bowed his head as water drips from his eyelashes, nose, lips, and chin. Evan needed more slickness, the water itself wasn’t what he want to satisfy this need of relief. Then he went for the conditioner bottle and pumped a good amount in his hand.

Evan stroked the way he likes it, how tight he wants it, when he wants it and how he want it. Other hand came up and rested themselves on the wall in front and he fisted them while his breath caught in his lung as he rolled his palm on the head.

Hot air puffing from his mouth as he completely wraps the head in his palm trying to mimic what he miss.

_Just like Jonathan’s lips. That hot mouth._

Evan hissed through his teeth as the pleasure becomes stronger, with eyes closed he imagines that mouth wrapped around the head, sucking ever so gently as his tongue’s playing with the slit- teasing.

Biting his lip. He can’t moan in this bathroom because his voice will bound off the walls as it will echo around the room, and he doesn’t want to hear himself so pitiful like this. So much into this blissful indulgence by himself for a decadent reason.

Whimpering as he stroked slowly blowing hot condensation into the air as he tries to remember the feel of those lips around his dick. Licking with extra pressure on the underside as he hums.

‘Shit- mm.’

Pressing his lips together while licking them inside. Squeezing, stroking, tightening, twisting. Evan can feel it so realistically enough for his hips to habitually starts thrusting when he felt the most pleasure.

Sluggishly thrusting into his hand as he twists his wrist while imagining Jonathan bobbing his head with his hand twisting on his hilt as he stroke himself.

Evan allowed a groan to escape his lips.

He opened his eyes and he can see a phantasm of Jonathan being on his knees, sucking him off with his skilled mouth and hands. Beautiful wet, shiny eyelashes as he concentrates. Water droplets slides down his face making his lips look extra shiny and soft- that figment made Evan licked his lips.

When they would do this years ago, once every two to three days. Jonathan would tease him by flicking his tongue on his head and slit, sucking it all the way in. He would grab Evan’s ass and pull him in further and that would drive Evan crazy. Humming as he’s at the hilt and pull off, then look into Evan’s eyes as he slowly takes it back in.

Smiling, smirking when Evan looks down at him knowing he’s so close to cumming. With the calm orange light of the bathroom they were at it would accentuate Jonathan’s eyes beautifully as if it was glowing.

‘Fuck.’

Legs starting to give up on him as they shakes. Draining from strength and support while he search for the nice burn, also desperately clinging to the pleasure he wants to last.

Evan moaned as he feels the fall becoming close. He just got to find the highlight moment they both had to bring him there.  

Then he remembers. The thing Jonathan would know what to do to bring him there and it’s a short gesture with a simple little word. But it would take him so far away so fast.

Jonathan would fully stroke him at the perfect pace with the right tightness he loves. Looking straight into his eyes while he would rests his lips on the head, sucking on them softly and murmurs.

‘ _Evan.’_

That was the final shove. Strokes became faster as he keeps that image to drive him on. Breaths starts to quicken and he fisted his free hand tighter as the burning coils tightened in his stomach with thousands of electrifying butterflies fluttered through his body. His mind was going hazy and that delicious ache hit his balls and he came hard.

Moaning out his orgasm, he didn’t care at the moment, the bliss was too good to keep his voice inside and hidden.

‘Jonathan— fuck.’

Evan’s ecstatic orgasm was pulling through longer than he expected and he thanked god for that, so he kept that sinful image in his mind and it was beautiful.

Hips jerked by themselves as his legs trembles with Jonathan’s name still on his lips.

Evan took in a deep breath as his high slowly drops. All this time he’s been biting his lip bruised and he enjoys it. He would have some explaining to do.

_Oh shit. Adeline._

He felt like a complete monster for doing this to her, she doesn’t deserve this. She deserved much better. He felt extremely sorry towards her. But it was too late to turn back, he’s in too deep- out of his control.

Then he thought about Jonathan. Somehow, he tends to always grovel and drifts back into his mind.

Evan just made sure. Stamped proofed. He’s _always_ been in love with Jonathan. There’s never a day he wasn’t in love with him. He has never once fell out of love with him.

He rests his head on the wall.

‘Jonathan.’ _Babe. ‘I fucked up.’_

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

_ *Flashback* _

__

__

‘You really didn’t need to get me anything.’

‘Open it.’ Evan said amusingly.

They were both sitting on his couch after going out for lunch, his treat. It was a belated birthday gift making up with his busy work schedules and mini life obstacles he missed his best friend’s birthday party, and now three days later he gets the free time he’s been counting down for. He has never been a no-show during Jonathan’s birthday, he’s always there during his celebration of birth starting right after the day they met and Jonathan would do the same for him. It was mandatory.

Well, first time for everything.

The pretty glittery black box with a red silk bow wrapped around on top now laying there on his lap, the look of it was throwing Jonathan a little bit off he can tell by the mere confusion on his face flashed with a quickness. It was amusing to him to watch Jonathan trying to figure out what can possibly be in this glamorous box.

He didn’t have any difficulty picking out this gift maybe a little struggle on the details they provided, but nonetheless he got it perfect.

‘This box is too pretty for what I really want you to get for me.’

Jonathan tried to shake it but nothing was bumping, knocking, or banging around. Just a slight rustling noise that came out of it and Jonathan lifted one of his eyebrow towards Evan. But he just smiled.

Resting one of his elbow on the backrest of the couch, head laying on his fist as one leg propped onto the seat for a comfortable position to have a good view of Jonathan’s reaction.

‘I don’t know why I’m scared to open this.’ Jonathan said as he looked at the box then at him.

Evan huffed a giggle.

‘I think you’ll love it.’ Evan stated confidently.

Jonathan smirked. ‘Because you know me so well huh?’

‘I know you the best.’ He said in as a matter of fact.

Jonathan pinched the single strand of the bow and pulled. And every pull Evan feels the anticipation builds up and he gave a small, silent sigh. As Jonathan loosened up all the well tied knots he let them fall to his feet as his hands were on each side of the box, he stopped and gave a final suspicious look towards Evan.

He only gave a soft smile towards Jonathan as his head still rest on his fist. Evan might have looked cool and calm but in all seriousness he’s a smidge nervous as he’s doubting his choice of gift. What if Jonathan hates it, that’ll be wholly humiliating and he’ll have to dig himself a hole and never come out.

But Evan’s certainly confident of this one. If knowing Jonathan well enough for years, he’s sure he’ll like it at least.

Jonathan slowly lifts the box lid and as he saw what was inside he snorted a chuckled and rolled his eyes.

‘Are you serious? What the fuck is this?’ Jonathan looked at Evan with unbelievable eyes.

‘You can take it as a joke if you want.’

Evan tries to make a second option for him to bail his real intentions of maybe having the possibility to see Jonathan in that someday. Evan said he got it as a joke to safe-coat his objective just in case.

Jonathan took out the lacy black and sky blue stocking with the six straps suspender belt and he seem to miss another bonus gift that has been left in the box. Evan specifically chose a lingerie style stocking because he has always thought it was the sexiest creation on Earth, especially on Jonathan. One of his strongest kink, his weakness, it’s something that’ll make him lose complete control of his mind and body. Thinking about it makes him all hot and humid.

It’s supposed to be a joke but half intentional, he’s trying to push his limit with this whole _friendship_ thing him and Jonathan are having. It has been years being his best friend but he wants to be more than friends with Jonathan, he’s been waiting and chasing long enough. If he doesn’t make a serious move on Jonathan soon someone else is going to take him away and he absolutely can’t allow that, it’ll kill him.

‘Nice joke. But really what is this? Are you serious?’

Evan’s finding this incredibly enjoyable now that he saw Jonathan’s reaction, the nervousness he had earlier dispersed and is now replaced with adoration with how cute Jonathan’s face turned out. He’s blushing, pink slightly tinted on his cheekbones- it was too cute.

‘Yeah, well can’t you see what it is? Don’t you love it?’ Evan asked knowingly. He knows Jonathan loves it, he can’t hide it by putting on a poker face.

Jonathan laughed and playfully kicked his leg, then he looked back at the soft material in his hand and rubbed it together with this fingers. He looked absurdly endearing like a little kid observing something he haven’t gotten in his entire life, a curious little child.

‘What am I supposed to do with this? Who the hell am I going to wear this for?’

_He’s saying that before biting his lip? Seriously? You want to play me like that?_

Jonathan knows exactly what he’s doing to him, he knows Evan’s been doing all the chasing or maybe partially. Jonathan did his chasing too but they’ve been at it like this for years. Playing hard to get, a game of push and pull but somehow nothing has changed or progressed. They both been beating around the bush, maybe too long.

‘You can wear it for that significant special someone in the future. Like—.’

Evan coughs.

‘The person that’s sitting in front of you.’

Evan kept the eye contact with the mischievous smile he has plastered on his face and Jonathan gave a smirk back his way.

Jonathan lifted the stocking out of the box and starts to examine them. His pretty, long, slender fingers slides against the satin lining. Rubbed at the laced outlines and Evan sees the small shining glint in his eyes, he can see the interest in Jonathan’s face as he is so focused on the details and quality.

‘You spent a lot of money on this didn’t you? It’s way too expensive to be a joke.’ Jonathan questioned.

Nothing is expensive for Evan when it comes to Jonathan, he would buy him the world if he could to see that smile gifted just for him. But he couldn’t actually say that so he just shrugs.

Jonathan looked back in the box and finally he sees the final piece to complete the outfit. The look of his eyes changed to a shocked gaze. He scoffed and rolled his eyes as he took out the finishing touch.

‘A fucking garter? Really?’

The beautiful white lace garter hanging from Jonathan’s index finger and Evan is so allured to see it on him, he wants to see it so badly it hurts right in his chest. When will that day come for him to be blessed with that one-of-a-kind sight?

Jonathan nudged his leg and he snapped out of his daydream of finally get to see that day come true if that’s even in the future. He looked at Jonathan and his face is neutral, it wasn’t angry or amused, he wasn’t sure what Jonathan’s feeling about his gift with that stoic face he’s presenting.

‘What, I don’t know what to say.’ Evan lied.

He’s knows he’s going to say something stupid if he chose to say what he really wants to say. _Go put that on for me._

Evan mentally shook his head, he can’t say that, it’ll be kind of out of boundary if he request something like that when they’re not anything.. yet.

Jonathan once again rubbed the material between his fingers, Evan can see he take quite a liking to the rose and bow embroidered in the garter. And there’s that pink hue dusting his cheeks is making a  broader comeback, it makes Evan so curious as to what he’s thinking right now that’s making him look so damn loveable.

‘What are you thinking right now?’

‘How much I like it. If you think I’m going to hate it well it back-fired on you. And who’s the lucky man to be able to take this off with his mouth I wonder?’ Jonathan said playfully.

Spinning the garter around his finger while smirking at Evan and he guess he can take the hint. It better be him that’s going to be taking them off- Who else would it be?

Then Jonathan bursted out in laughter as he flings the garter at his face, Evan didn’t really get what was so funny; did he do something?

‘You should’ve seen your face! You looked so determined it was scary for a second.. You seriously really got the hots for me don’t you?’

Jonathan can barely get the words and sentences straight as he was laughing so hard tears were visible on each corner of his eyes.

 _This bastard._ Evan squinted his eyes he’s now fixed on shutting that mouth. He grabbed the garter on the seat Jonathan just flinged in his eye and held it in his palm, bringing it closer to his mouth as he slowly opened wide enough to stick his tongue out and gather the garter in to bite it between his teeth, as he slowly stretched it he made sure Jonathan met his hooded eyes and that mouth shut right up.

Evan made his upper lip into a snarl as he looked straight in his eyes and he sees Jonathan’s slowly getting flustered with his blushed cheeks becoming a darker shade of pink as the color also dusted the top of his ears. He threw in a little smirk to pull some reaction out of that mock he just did to him and that laugh was long silenced as Jonathan’s just deeply staring at him.

The way he looked at him created a vexing spark between them and he prayed Jonathan felt that too, it gave chills to his scalp and a pang of undoubtedly desire rushing in; that look is what will kill him.

It was an aroused and hopeful look and it stirred a feeling of just wanting to attack Jonathan at that moment but he stopped himself in time, he’s not going to do something stupid and animalistic like that. He would just have to hold it in.

_You’re so cruel to me Jonathan._

Evan have to think of something quick or else they’re both going to do something way out of border and it’ll be too late to turn back. With that look Jonathan is giving him it’s not helping his train of concentration with it being sidetracked and tumbling down a hill into a coursing river.

With the garter still between his teeth and fingers he stretched it out more, aimed it towards Jonathan and flinged it towards his face.

‘You should’ve seen _your_ face. Close that mouth and wipe that drool of yours.’ Evan chuckles to hide the hunger in his voice.

Jonathan abruptly pressed his lips together and brought his hand to the corners of his mouth to wipe the invisible drool with his fingers. There was no drool- he lied.

Evan snorted and hides his face in the inside of his elbow as it was resting on the headrest of the couch before he has a full, heartfelt laugh of taking in a wholesome view of Jonathan’s expression as he realized there was no drool hanging from his lips, and that little frustrated pout at the end got the best of him.

‘Dick!’

Jonathan kicked his leg, flicked his forehea3d and poked his stomach. It was the only thing he knows what to do when he’s embarrassed- physical abuse.

‘Aow what? You started it, you want me to kiss you to make you feel better?’ Evan suggested after calming down.

‘Shut up.’

Jonathan grabs the garter and the stocking he already have in his other hand and dropped them back into the box while giving Evan the glare, but he loves that glare no matter how threatening it looks, it fits Jonathan the best when he would look angry. But that anger or frustration never lasts.

‘You better save those for that very special someone I’m not going to let you let them go to waste.. I’ll be waiting.’ Evan sneakily slips in the last three words in a hushed tone.

‘What?’

‘What?’ Evan quickly covers. He knows Jonathan heard those last words, he just pretends he didn’t hear them in hopes Evan would repeat them.

Jonathan made one short cough.

‘Well that person is very lucky if I might say. We’ll see about that.’ Jonathan affirmed in a low tone as well as a smirk.

 

 

*Seven Months Later*

 

‘May I have a dance with you, sweetheart?’

Evan approached from behind and spoke lowly into Jonathan’s ear. It was their perfect song, it’s a song played when they had their first kiss and this is a perfect moment for them to reminisce that memory. He had it requested to the DJ a few moments ago, he wanted to surprise Jonathan.

As he just finished asking for a dance the song played and Jonathan turned and smiled. Giving him the softest look and Evan couldn’t help but to press a kiss onto his neck. As Jonathan start his giggles the group in their table starts groaning and the teasing side of him starts to bite Jonathan’s neck playfully _just_ to mess with them.

‘God will you stop trying to steal Jonathan from us every chance you get?’ Holly said jokingly.

‘Gross.’ Tony spoke.

They both ignored the two of their friends, too into their own zones while Evan’s pecking kisses and nips at his neck as Jonathan is gently holding the side of his face with one hand.

Jonathan was sitting and chatting with their group of friends, their squad, at their little round table in the calm after the first part of the wedding ceremony. One of their close friend’s wedding, which was kind of a miracle for all of them to be friends with, usually if one of them have a good friend someone in the group tends to not get along with them.

It’s been a great night so far, everyone in one table comfortable as can be, with a beautiful group and sometimes if not all the time he’s so grateful to be able to be a part of this wonderful group of people. How can he be so lucky to be able to land this precious jewel he have under his lips right now is beyond his imagination.

‘So how about that dance?’ Evan said against Jonathan’s warm, now wet neck.

‘Of course.’

Evan grabbed Jonathan’s hand and held it up like a prince would to a princess. Jonathan playfully smacked him in the arm but still complied because he knows Jonathan loves being doted on like a king he is. Evan knows Jonathan loves little romantic gestures and actions, he does them to get rewarded with the most valuable snapshot of expressions he would make and Evan lives for those.

‘Sorry guys you got to excuse me on this one.’ Jonathan said towards the group.

‘It’s not like we have a choice anyways, you guys are basically inseparable.’ Amber said while sipping on her cocktail.

Evan smiled and gave her a wink. Amber, the sweetest girl in the group but she can be the most feisty woman when wrong buttons are pushed, her inner soul releases a dragon before anyone can stop it. Amber returned his wink and a shooting gesture with her fingers, their little act that has been done in forever.

He intertwined their fingers, and as he leads them to the dancefloor he looked over his shoulders and gave them a flash of his tongue.

The four scoffed in unison. ‘Have fun you two.’ Ben said.

As they reached the center of the dancefloor Evan put Jonathan’s arms on his shoulders before he pulls Jonathan’s waist closer as he wraps him nice and cozy. They fit perfectly with the feel of Jonathan naturally arches his back letting his arms press snuggly on his lower spine.

He looks incredible tonight. Clean cut all black suit, Evan thinks black will always be the best color to bring out his eyes doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Embracing every curve on his body flawlessly it makes his heart weak, he thinks how can someone make him so fainthearted so easily and effortlessly. Evan is too infatuated at this point it shows on his face through his eyes.

‘You’re so cheesy.’ Jonathan said softly.

‘What.’

‘I can tell what you’re thinking.’

Evan lifts one eyebrow upwards and challenged Jonathan.

‘Oh yeah? What was I thinking about?’

Jonathan moved his hand to Evan’s nape and play with his hair.

‘That I look really good tonight.’

Evan shakes his head.

‘Wrong. You look incredible tonight, beautiful.’

Jonathan snorted a laugh but Evan paid no mind as presses his lips onto Jonathan’s cheekbones and the laugh dims to a giggle. Tightening his arms tighter around Evan’s neck while he presses his head firmer into Evan’s kiss.

‘See, you’re so cheesy.’ Jonathan said gently almost in a whisper.

He smiled. ‘You love it though.’

Lips still resting themselves on those warm cheekbone. Still having his eyes open to see Jonathan slowly closes his and sighed. So Evan kept his mouth where they are, then seconds later he starts pecking small kisses and stroking his cheekbone with his lips.

As he’s doing that he can see the little flutters of Jonathan’s lashes and the subtle grin he have on while they slowly sway side to side to the song and it was perfect. A moment he’ll surely treasure forever.

Evan pressed a firm kiss right under the apple of his cheek as he lost to that temptation to hold back a tiny bit. Jonathan’s head naturally tilts slightly to the side so he presses another kiss but opened mouth this time, one right below the kiss he made before, and Jonathan moaned.

_Shit._

‘Don’t do that.’ Evan warned.

‘Don’t stop.’ Jonathan said drowsily. He knew Jonathan was too into their own bubble he doesn’t seem to care anymore. ‘Please.’

Jonathan cants his head towards him, nudging delicately on his lips and how could he pry himself to say no to this.

‘Just please don’t moan.’

Jonathan licked his lips and nods. Evan’s mouth never left the contact from Jonathan’s face since they started their short dance, now that he noticed the dance didn’t last that long. He got distracted too soon and too quick, he really wanted to have this perfect dance he planned in his head but who can really blame him he’s too smitten to save his life.

They’re both standing in the middle of the dancefloor with nobody paying them any attention, everybody is in their world in the extravagant dimmed ballroom with dancing lights and colorful circles swirling the room. Evan just noticed that just now, all he could see was Jonathan.

Evan turned his eyes back to Jonathan and he still have his eyes closed still waiting patiently.

He smiled.

Evan marginally parts his lips and pressed a tender kiss right on the hollow of Jonathan’s cheek, making them a little wet as he moves his lips lower to stamp another loving peck, and Jonathan hand twitched at his nape while he mark them with his nails. Sighing heavily out his mouth and the arms on his shoulders grasp a little tighter as Jonathan pulls him closer.

Evan constantly but slowly maneuvering his kisses down the cheek till he reaches the jawline. The horned devil conscience part of him is whispering in his ear to take it further but the pure morality conscience is telling him to stop.

He can hear Jonathan breathing heavily right by his ear and that’s his favorite music he discovered a few months ago, also with the calming rubs on his nape was absolutely trying to urge him on. But he doesn’t want the two of them to get hard-on on someone’s special day, it’s inappropriate with kids running around. They’ll be named as the horny perverted couple for life, then what’re they going to do, they can’t face anyone if that happens.

_If._

Jonathan is still patiently waiting for more, standing there like a puppy begging to be loved how is he going to stop right now. The invitation he’s presenting is turning him on and it’s doing a great job at coaxing him to do the things they both might regret. Evan is having a mental mind battle as his lips are at a standstill on the jawline. He felt as if there was an invisible string pulling him mentally and physically back from making any further moves.

One of Jonathan’s hand slides up the back of his neck and into his hair as the other is wrapped on his shoulders and Evan exhales. Jonathan then presses himself closer to him and rolled his hips just vaguely enough to graze his groin, and Evan took in a broken inhale.

He decides the hell with it, everyone else is in their own world they wouldn’t even notice if there’s a unicorn running across the field.

Evan opens his mouth and scrapes his teeth on the jawbone slowly as he watched and feel Jonathan jolt in his hold and head leaning away signaling for more. Evan starts to kiss and lick at his jaw, and he can hear Jonathan’s trying his best to muffle his moans by making an effort to regulate his breathing and with that Evan only heard whimpers through his lips.

He wonders, how did this escalate so quickly? Right it was his own doing.

‘More.’ Jonathan reminded him while drawing him in.

Evan got no more willpower after hearing that, he decided to wait a little bit more to see what Jonathan will do if he doesn’t do what he wants.

Smiled when Jonathan reacted right on his cue. Nuzzling firmer into his lips while whimpering and whining silently, then Evan noticed the heat between them was baking through his suit; was it always this hot? Little mists of sweat formed on his hairline and forehead and he can taste a minor of salt on his neck.

Jonathan’s hand combed up the back of his head and those fingers feels so good on his scalp while they leisurely massaged in circular motion and he suddenly felt so hazy. Breathing hotly onto Jonathan’s jaw and down his neck then he felt Jonathan pressing his crotch against his and he himself quavered in his pants.

‘Babe.’ Jonathan whined and took a step forward.

‘So needy right now aren’t you.’ He decides to tease.

Jonathan just nods.

Evan sluggishly continues his smooching session onto Jonathan’s neck, he kept making them wet instead of the small pecks he did earlier and he can feel the rapid thrumming pulse on his lips and he kisses them harder.

He then engages his kisses back up onto Jonathan’s cheeks, he couldn’t kiss him any lower because that’s where the collar is, they stopped him from sinking lower and he’s grateful for that, he wouldn’t want to unbutton and strip Jonathan right there on the dancefloor that’s for later.

Now he is unquestionably turned on seeing Jonathan so hooked over his kisses it makes him feel intensely appreciated and reassured Jonathan feels the same infatuation as he does; they are really head-over-heels for each other aren’t they?

He folds his arms sterner around Jonathan’s lower back as he still press slow loving kisses- torturously unhurried.

Evan couldn’t even care more if there are eyes darting their way, this is their moment and he wouldn’t allow that reason to distract them- he’s selfish that way.

‘You smell so good.’ Jonathan said between breaths.

Evan grins. It’s Jonathan’s favorite cologne on him. He wears it every day it’s not like today was the first time he has it on, and almost each day Jonathan would tell him how nice he smells. It’s a gift Jonathan got for him on his birthday two years ago and he’s been putting it on since. Evan finds it somehow unexpected they like the same scent. It’s not too strong with a subtle fresh minty essence, and some masculine heady aroma that just hits.

‘As do you.’

For Jonathan it’s different, he didn’t need any cologne he have his own unique smell to him. It’s one of the greatest aroma in the world and Jonathan has all that, the scent when he’s freshly out the shower, combines with new freshly washed clothes with a dash of his own smell and Evan can’t put a finger on how he does that but it drives him senseless as he gets the opportunity to be real close to him. Is it pheromones that he’s giving out because he can entirely understand that.

Evan’s lips are back at their resting place, right above Jonathan’s cheekbone but he decides to travel his mouth upwards to press another kiss on the corner of his eye to his eyelid and Jonathan sighed. That sound made Evan smile, he wonders if there will ever be a moment like this again- with Jonathan in his arms, close as possible to him, protecting him from any harm’s way. This is the moment he’s been waiting for, just like this.

Then Evan got that feeling when you know someone is looking at you, glaring burning holes between his brows and his eyes zips straight to the source, it was Ben. He’s glad Jonathan have his back towards Ben because now he got the perfect alignment.

Looking so sour and livid and Evan felt the little sparks of satisfaction ignited in him, a tiny little victory fizzing in his chest, he loves to show off their couple moments to Ben to warn him to back off. Evan knows he still have feelings for Jonathan, those little touching gestures Ben would do to make an excuse to rub against Jonathan and it makes him boil, but he brushes it off, he _really_ tries to because after all Ben is one of his best friends.

‘Ben is looking so bitter right now it’s so entertaining.’ Evan snickers.

Evan knows he’s being malicious right now, but it’s the thing people just do, it’s in everybody’s instinct he can’t help it. Evan shoves back the urge to stick out his tongue and clown on Ben just for a second but his conscience is well on him this time, it’s telling him not to cause tension tonight, let’s just hold the taunt for now and not cause a probable fight.

‘Ignore him, focus on me.’ Jonathan tenderly told him.

Evan peppers a few kisses onto Jonathan’s eyelid and he unwaveringly moves his hand to Jonathan’s ass and takes a firm grab while studying Ben’s expression with a smirk on his lips. The reaction was priceless, Ben taking a quick swig of his alcoholic gasoline, rolls his eyes, wipes his mouth and looked away.

Evan felt superior with that, he felt the message is made clear to Ben now, if he still doesn’t get the message he will happily make the memo vibrant with variety of options. His choice. Evan have his own wicked ways.

‘Stop.’ Jonathan whines.

‘What.’ Evan asks but he already know why.

Both not moving, Jonathan didn’t budge or push his hand off so he delightedly kept them there not squeezing this time, just resting.

‘I know what you’re doing, don’t provoke him and cause a fight.’ Jonathan said in a low tone.

‘He provoked me first.’ Trying to defend himself.

Evan leans slightly away putting a small gap between them but as the second he shifts Jonathan pulls him back.

‘No he didn’t, he was just looking.’

Then Jonathan did a quiet chuckle, with that he brushed everything off and relish into the sound of Jonathan’s savory amusement he forgot about old grumpy Ben.

Evan pulls Jonathan closer by his hand on his ass and kissed his temple, he can smell a subtle shampoo scent of fruity lavender he have back at home. ­ _Their home._

What he would give to wake up with Jonathan by his side every morning for the rest of his life, the look of his face when he’s asleep under the dimmed sunshine filtered through the dark auburn curtains Jonathan bought on a whim at some home goods store. Evan would be the one to be awake first just to look at Jonathan’s sleeping face, to savor his limbs splayed across his body.

The moment when he finally wakes and joins him in the kitchen when he smells food are being cooked, Jonathan would kiss him the shoulder and slide his fingers through his hair. To the late nights where they would have a simple movie and popcorn or just play some random games till dawn and sleep in till noon. Evan wants all that.

He wants that for a lifetime. Evan most positively craves to spend his moments with Jonathan.

‘If I asks you to marry me, will you?’ Evan asked with gentle firmness.

He can feel Jonathan tense for a few minor seconds then relaxes back into his arms.

‘Quit joking, it’s not funny.’ Jonathan sounds doubtful, disbelieved.

Evan speculates why he would think he’s joking. It’s not a joke to him and it’s certainly not a laughing matter.

‘I’m not joking I’m serious.’ Evan surprises himself by how humorless and stern he sounds.

Jonathan parts their embrace and leans slightly away to take a look at Evan’s eyes. As they look at each other Jonathan’s face was a mash of stunned, surprised and caught-off-guard as he searches Evan’s face as if waiting for him to laugh as a prank, searches for a serious confirmation that what he said was sincere.

Jonathan won’t get a laugh out of him because his face shows he’s genuine of what he said and he keeps that statement, its concrete now. Evan looks deep in Jonathan eye and he channels his honesty enough to reassure Jonathan he gave a lot of thought of what he just said.

As the moment Jonathan got that assurance he smiles. He was gleaming and Evan thinks it’s the most striking image he’s seen this entire night and he uncontrollably smiles back.

‘You want to marry me?’ Jonathan looks at him with anticipative eyes.

‘Since day one I started loving you.’ Evan lowly replies.

Somehow Jonathan looks astounded, Evan thought he already knew that, he thought it was obvious he made it to be. Well maybe he already wanted to marry him the first time they met.

_Wow I really am greasy as hell, fuck the cheesiness._

Jonathan was silent, thinking, and it made Evan anxious. Maybe he shouldn’t have said that, maybe it was too soon to pop that question. What was he thinking? Evan is slowly having a turmoil in his head as every second ticks by with silence coming from Jonathan, he think he just ruined something they have together. Maybe not ruin but wreck was a better word.

‘Did you just proposed to me?’ Jonathan asked softly.

Fingers grabs gently at his blazer’s lapel, rubbing at them with kind looking eyes bestowed for him. Evan absently rubs small circle on Jonathan’s lower spine between his dimples and that subtle grin Jonathan has stretched to a pretty smile.

‘Yes, kind of, well half because it’s not perfect and complete. I don’t have a ring to give you, our families aren’t here. So, it’s a half proposal?’

Jonathan huff a muted laugh and looks down, no longer making eye contact with him which he knows Jonathan is getting shy. Every smile or laugh Jonathan makes, makes him irrepressibly mirrors right after him, it was seductively adorable beyond his beliefs.

Evan patiently waits, smiling while looking at Jonathan’s forehead while his lashes bats with slightly scrunched brows, they got all the time in the world, well until the ballroom is closing at least he’s gladly waiting.

Jonathan looks back at him with glossy eyes, even though the room is dimmed he can still make out the glassiness of his stare shining under the colorful spinning LED lights. Evan’s heart ached and burned with that sight.

_Oh god please don’t cry._

Evan then saw Jonathan’s lips quivers ever so vaguely and he swiftly move his hand to caress Jonathan’s face, thumb resting on his lips to steady them. Evan doesn’t want Jonathan to cry it’ll make _him_ cry and he’ll be a sniffling mess in progress.

Hopefully they’re happy tears Jonathan is making.

Evan’s giving tiny strokes to Jonathan’s lips as he leans into his hand for a while before grabbing it and plants a sweet kiss to his palm.

‘You know of course I will. You’re my bestest friend. My love. I’ll happily marry you.’

Jonathan answered in such a soft and moderate tone Evan almost couldn’t catch. Jonathan is getting emotional and he’s trying to hold the rousing tsunami that suddenly hit without warning and Evan felt bad for that, he didn’t intentionally planned this conversation, it just happened. He suppose when the moment has come it came expectantly, it gave him an extra push without his acknowledgment and the words just slips out.

Evan would call that fate taking itself in its own hands. He didn’t mean to make Jonathan cry, even if it’s happy tears he couldn’t help but to loath himself a little bit, it’s just the tears in Jonathan’s eyes does things to him.

Now feeling intensely emotional from Jonathan’s answer he tries to hold back the foolish smile on his face by pressing together his lips, he can feel himself shaking with joy. It’s great now he get to know how Jonathan feels about this subject, to get to know his answer and how he feels, Evan got that cleared out. He felt a tremendous weight elevated off his shoulders and he could fly because of that.

Evan caresses Jonathan’s face with fleeting touches to his lips with small strokes while he soaks in how Jonathan looks at this moment. Eyes still glossy and it makes it shine with the prancing lights circulating through the room, they were shimmering.

‘I love you.’ Evan stated while absently rubbing the dimple on his back and the look Jonathan gives him makes his tears about to break. Evan took in a full breath through his nose, trembling in his chest, that’s the only thing he should do because if not he felt like he could die of too much keenness.

Jonathan dives forward and catch his lips. They’re soft and warm and Evan dissolves into the kiss. He takes Jonathan’s upper lip and sucks them in while pressing his tongue between his parted lips, they tastes of raspberry. Evan’s favorite flavor.

While he have Jonathan’s upper lip his bottom one gets bitten and it drives him on, he knows he shouldn’t do this on the dancefloor while they’re still in public with children running around, a possible problem could occur if a kid would grab and climb his leg while he’s sucking at a tongue, that wouldn’t be good if the kid goes to their parents and tell what he’d discovered on his adventure, he don’t have the time to explain that. But other than that he does it anyways, no thought of a kid will stop him.

Evan glides his tongue across Jonathan’s inner top lip and the corner of his own lip raises up because he knows the weakness and the vulnerability it holds whenever he does it. Jonathan, right on cue gasps lightly and Evan takes the invitation to slides his tongue in so he can lick after that raspberry taste— sweet as ever.

Jonathan folds his arms around his shoulders, pulling him in and on reflex he tilts his head and widens his mouth a smidge and hug Jonathan tighter. Evan falls into that literally sweet mouth, it was intoxicating his mind by how delicious it tastes, how can he ever get enough he marvels.

Evan falls deep into their kiss and he wants to go deeper, Evan takes Jonathan’s lips and tongue and licks them, devouring them completely while he holds Jonathan’s face in his hand, pulling him in, steadying him while Evan tilts his head and sucks harder.

Jonathan sighed.

A hand came to his hair and pulls with fingers close to his scalp and it shot a flash of arousal through his abdomen plus with how Jonathan tastes with total warmth and suppleness it takes him back to their first kiss.

For Evan it’s only them two, the song is muffling in the background and the cluster of people all gone, the only thing that’s real are what he’s touching.

Evan licks deeper as he felt the vibration of Jonathan’s moan on his lips— then he heard a whistle and a hoot.

He prays they weren’t directed at them because if it is he’ll kill the source if Jonathan parts their kiss, but he couldn’t blame the person if they’re whistling at them, they probably look like they’re about to have sex on the dancefloor and he rather have whistles than a parent separating them with lectures in tow.

Jonathan didn’t react to the whistle, no intention of parting or moving away and it made him feel exceptional by how lost he is in their kiss, because Evan knows for sure Jonathan would’ve reacted if he gets even a hint they’re being noticed or watched, he would stop and pretend he didn’t hear or feel anything. But he’s not doing that, and Evan thank god for that because he doesn’t intend to stop at all. Not when he wants to.

Jonathan whimpers and Evan steers his mind back to home then he notices he has stopped doing the thing Jonathan likes him to do so Evan mentally shrugs about the potential onlookers and continues.

But there comes another whistle but longer this time and he was slowly getting irritated and Evan inhales.

_Can’t people mind their business?_

Evan opens his eyes and scowl right to the direction where the sound is coming from, coincidently the noise is in his way of view, and there he sees—Tony and apparently his partner in crime, Holly.

Standing there next to their table just to the outline of the dancefloor. He’ll gladly kill Tony, but evidently Holly wants to go with him too.

She’s giving him thumbs up while presenting the most menacing leer he had ever seen on her face. Standing next to her, Tony, passing him air thrusts while biting his tongue between his teeth like he’s doing a good job at being a jokester.

Evan flipped them off, but discreetly he doesn’t want to show the bird at people’s faces and cause a scene so he gave them a good look at his middle finger on Jonathan’s back.

But his expression of irritation didn’t work so well in his favor as they looked at each other and laughed.

Jonathan leans towards him and he tries to shoo them away with a swat of his hand.

Tony and Holly’s little drama show is catching strangers’ attentions directing towards them two hooligans and connects their way to _them_ , and Evan hates unnecessary observations from strangers. Eyes are whizzing their way, with a few couples on the dancefloor giggling, some parents covering their kids’ eyes. _Great._ He have no choice but to stop the kiss.

_I’ll kill them._

Evan gave a final bite and lick as he painfully parts their lip contact. Now seeing they’re the color of raspberries and it looks again so tempting it makes him want to consume them again.

Seeing Jonathan’s eyes are still closed Evan takes the opportunity to give a message to the two victims on his list. He glares at them and points his finger straight between them and bites his lip with a threatening energy he’s trying to give off. Tries to make it look intimidating as possible with a look that’ll say _I’ll kill you in your sleep if you don’t get out my face._

As if they finally got the indication, raised their hands in a surrendering gesture, smiles jokily and walks to their table and out of sight as he no longer saw them as they blend in the crowd.

Looking back, just in time for Jonathan to open his eyes, slowly licking his lips with hooded eyes and Evan went lusting back into their own world, forget what just happened. Jonathan looks awfully seductive as he looks at Evan while gliding his tongue across his lips as if he’s already missing the feel and taste.

Evan swipes the saliva on the outer corner with his thumb and grins.

Jonathan tips forward to his ear. ‘This is so ironic relating what you just said.’

‘What is?’

Jonathan grabs Evan’s hand and makes him grab his ass. That threw Evan off. _Since when was he so daring?_

Making Evan’s hand almost in a massaging motion. Heat was crawling up his neck, Evan knows Jonathan can feel him through his pants with their close interaction, he’s half hard and he doesn’t need extra encouragement to have a full-on boner. What if people see them? Evan wonders where did this boldness come from? Isn’t Jonathan worried of prying eyes? Also confused for a quick second. Is he trying to make him feel for something? Because it feels like it.

‘What am I feeling for?’ Evan asks.

‘You really don’t know?’

Evan feels around a little more with the help of Jonathan guiding his hand, and he’s still not sure what he’s looking for.

‘You want me to pull your wedgie out?’

Jonathan chuckles and leans close to his ear and chills bolts up his back.

‘No. Remember that belated gift you got me for my birthday seven months ago? Well guess who’s the lucky man.’

Evan’s heart plunged and trying to break out of his ribs at the same time, it was painful but it feels so good. He starts to feel the cold sweat kicking in and it’s the good kind of sensation he felt for the longest time. Evan went still and froze in place, face in a blank, emotionless expression. He thinks, is this really happening right now or is it a dream?

Evan think god has finally gave him a break and blessed him with this day. He doesn’t think he can breathe, or is he even breathing? Of all the possibilities popping into his head, all running wild with the things he can do was making his heart throbs faster. All for freaking lingeries? All his life leads to him hungering after his best friend wearing lingerie, but it’s not a regular best friend, it’s his soulmate.

Still having a vacant expression with emptiness in his eyes he was stiff as a plank, mouth partly opened.

_God, is this really happening? Please don’t play with me._

‘I want you to fuck me tonight.’ Jonathan whispered.

Evan closes his eyes. _God, thank you._

Snapping Evan back with that comment, he needed that. Like an electrical kickstart done so well Evan grabs Jonathan’s hand and were about to tow them off the dancefloor and out this too-crowded region Jonathan stops him.

‘Wait where are we going?’ He said smiling like he doesn’t know.

‘Back to our hotel room of course.’

Jonathan pulls at Evan’s hands and led them back to his waist with arms folding to their place around his shoulders then Jonathan starts to slowly sway them.

Chuckling. ‘Wait, two more hours.’

Evan looks at Jonathan as if he had said the most ridiculous thing, and he is.

‘Two more hours? For what?’ Evan tries to keep his calm he doesn’t want to alarm dancing couples.

‘It’s rude to leave early when the two main people to this event haven’t left yet. And, I love this song.’

Jonathan is way too calm while killing him slowly. He _would_ do something like this to torture him for amusement. With that little grin of his lips, Evan doesn’t want to kiss them anymore, he wants to bite them instead. _I guess things are always too good to be true, there’s always a catch._

Evan really got no choice but to follow, he really is a slave for lingerie especially if it involves Jonathan he’s willing to almost do anything. No actually, he’ll do _anything._ Even this. Waiting.

He sighs. ‘You’re really trying to kill me right now. You’re _killing_ me.’

Jonathan replies by rubbing between Evan’s shoulder blades and surprisingly it’s taking his mind off this torment just the slightest bit.

Evan drops his forehead to Jonathan’s shoulder and rests there while lazily glides his hand down to Jonathan’s ass and he doesn’t care anymore if someone sees. Playing with the outline of the mini skirt-like frills stopping on mid buttcheek and Evan wonders how could he have let the contours pass his eyes unnoticed when he finished getting dressed. Feeling them with the tips of his fingers, sometime trying to pinch them between the pads of his digits and his imagination is running wild with Jonathan’s overwhelming scent of his is not helping his self-control. They’re like pheromones but more empowering.

_If I’m going to suffer like this, he might as well too, fair deal. I’m not distressing alone babe._

Evan slyly runs a streak up deep between Jonathan’s ass with the middle of his finger, purposely pressing down on his hole as he passes it and Evan hums when Jonathan arches his back and shudders under his breath.

‘Don’t.’ A whine went out.

‘What.’

Jonathan says that but still he’s nerving towards his hand was never convincing. Gliding his hand down Jonathan’s thigh gently with fleeting touches lightly as possible and his hips and leg starts to sway towards his hand, so Evan succumbs and rubs on Jonathan’s thighs and then. He feels it.

The bumpy, an uneven feeling kind of fabric under the dress pants, Evan doesn’t remember the stocking to have this sort of thick frilly kind of material. He starts to play and fiddle around it a bit more. Is it something he’s missing? The cloth feels weirdly familiar—

Then Evan got it. How could he had forgotten the most vital element.

_The garter._

He lurched his head up from Jonathan’s shoulder so fast he could’ve knock someone out with the speed of whiplash with the back of his head and looked at him with hopeful eyes and questions of unsureness beaming towards Jonathan.

The smile Jonathan gave is the answer he wants to see. _It’s true I’m right._

‘You wouldn’t think I left that one out would you?’

Evan’s body lit up and every limb, muscle, and nerves ignited as well as his mental strength of holding back went out the door.

‘Fuck being polite, we’re leaving _now.’_

Grabbing his hand and intertwines them, tries to haul them off the dancefloor hopefully making it out before anyone could stop them, if that happens Evan would absolutely ignore them and beeline to their destination as soon as possible. Never in his life is he so determined to get somewhere, to achieve something so urgently in his life.

Jonathan didn’t say a word except for a quiet giggle and he just lets Evan lead the way, squeezing his hand tighter as they swerve their way past some people and dances around some children.

‘Hey!’ A low voice boomed faintly behind them.

Evan naturally looks back, having a slight feeling it was directed at him usually he wouldn’t care who calls at him at a time like this.

It was Tony, with fists to the side of his face, grinding and humping the air again making a stink face while biting his lip and Evan wished he shouldn’t have looked back. _That was a bad idea._

Rolling his eyes as he looked forward, clasped Jonathan’s hand tighter and went on their way to the exit and hopeful uninterrupted to their car. Evan thinks it’s kind of a shame to leave this beautiful wedding with all the free food and booze, they could’ve stayed longer and enjoyed their entire night with their friends. Celebrate the leaving of the future honeymooners, get drunk and goof around but this is more than important. It’s a once in a lifetime occasion. There’s going to be a future wedding so Evan wouldn’t worry much about missing some fun.

‘Tony?’ Jonathan asks, already well aware.

‘Yup, being him.’

Something like this with Jonathan always comes first nothing else is more critical. Evan will have to write a letter to the newlyweds and probably getting another gift as an apology for their early leave, perhaps add it as an emergency to make them more authentic.

 

 

 

 

The city lights look extra picturesque as they zip by in the night city life, lights pass through from the corner of his eyes he pays no mind to. Laying his hand on Jonathan’s thigh as he rubs the material underneath the dress pants and the anticipation and expectation climbing its way to his chest. Evan tries to breathe regularly and keep his calm, other hand scratching lightly on the steering wheel as he steps further on the gas pedal.

Evan decides to slide his hand upwards, feeling the small textures of the fabric passing under his palm, picking and scraping them with his blunt nails, and Evan gave a small squeeze to the very top of the thigh. Kneading alarmingly near the groin area, slighting skimming past the side bulge under the hugging pants and Evan unknowingly licks his teeth.

Jonathan seems awfully quiet during the ride.

Evan looks over. He looks until he heard the tires running over the pavement markers. Quickly steering back into his lane, rethinking they almost crashed, rethinking the face he just saw made his soul almost raise from his body. Evan got the chills.

The face Jonathan makes are Evan’s one of many weaknesses, the expression of helplessness, vulnerability, out-of-zone and just overbearing pleasure because there’s nothing else he could do but pressing his lips together all while biting his bottom one. Arching his neck as he tilts and rolls his head, eyebrows scrunched in frustration with a hand clasped between his inner thigh and the other gripping the leather seat.

Evan’s breaths starts to become heavier as he tries to keep concentrating on the road, aim to get them both to their hotel safely and to get there alive, Evan got to pull his hand away from massaging and pressing on that risky sector, that place of being close but not close enough.

However he can’t stop, they just robotically walks its way deeper in between, into the hot region of the inner legs and Evan squeezes.

‘Mm.’ Jonathan moans. Wriggling his ass into the seat, shifting side to side.

Evan thinks maybe it’s time to pull back and retreat for a few minutes, a sacrifice for their well-being. As he begin to lift and withdraw Jonathan grabs his hand then the next thing he felt are warm, soft, and wet ministrations on his index and middle finger. Jonathan is sucking on his fingers, and that tongue is doing so well of a job his cock twitched as if it wasn’t tensely strained already.

‘Fuck.’ Evan breathes. Clenching jaws rigidly tight.

Jonathan bobs on his fingers, licking between them, biting gently on the tips, moving from two fingers to the next fingers. That mouth is so wet and hot Evan imagines how good would it feel to have it around his dick at this moment. Jonathan would do something like this to drive him on the ledge and kill him slowly, that’s what he’s best at.

Evan can feel the tickles of Jonathan’s saliva running down his hand and the grip on the steering wheel were never so tight. As his fingers are having a VIP treatment, Evan’s eyes are becoming hazy, clouded with the amount of lust built into him and he’s desperately waiting for a red light.

All these years Evan still lusts for Jonathan as the strength of it still remains the same. Even though he’s an idiot and a complete weirdo sometimes but when he’s serious and stern the charms radiates from the inner core. The calm personality he has but still playful at the right time, the way they understand each other with gazes, brushes on skin and stares their chemistry was undeniably there at the very start. They share too much history, and hopefully more futures.

Evan finally takes their exit which seems like an eternity. Still waiting for that red stop light to appear.

‘Babe you’re going to fucking kill me.’ Evan said.

Jonathan still have fingers in his mouth and Evan looks over. Tongue and lips were on them like they’re Jonathan’s personal delicacy, eyes closed with wet lips and there’s another image to add to his memory stash, another beautiful sight. With his fitted suit on as colorful and vibrant city lights coats by him.  

Evan hissed and Jonathan hummed.

Back to the road Evan sees the number on the crosswalk counting down ready for the yellow light and he lets go of the gas pedal. He’s ready for that red light.

_4…..3…..2…..1….._

Evan didn’t wait till the car come to a complete stop, he slips his fingers out and grabs Jonathan’s chin. Leans over and latches their lips recklessly sweet. Evan want to make this kiss last as long as the lights allow them. The next kiss won’t be until they reach their room.

Tongues licking the underside and topside while Jonathan still tastes of raspberries and it takes him back to the time Jonathan was eating a raspberry popsicle, but no dirty thoughts popped up first, Evan was staring at him because he took the last of his favorite flavored popsicle. He pouted so Jonathan gave him his half eaten popsicle and that apparently made his whole day. Then after he wonders how Jonathan mouth would tastes, they just had an indirect kiss and Evan licked his lips, it would probably taste like that. So after that day Evan suddenly fell more in love with raspberries.

Evan runs his hand down Jonathan’s torso till he reaches the bulge and gave a firm squeeze through his pants in a kneading motion, feeling perfectly fit in Evan’s hand. If there was just a little bit more time.

‘Get a movin!’ A low voice soared follow with the car’s honk.

Evan groans and put a step to accelerate.

_Soon_

 

 

 

‘God freaking damn it.’

Evan hands are shaking with built-up excitement he couldn’t put the key card in the slot right, they keep missing and it won’t unlock when he inserts them. Is god trying to test his mental strength because he’s pretty close to kicking the door down. Evan looks over the card and wonders if he got the wrong card.

Jonathan is snickering behind while nibbling on Evan’s neck.

‘Calm down.’

‘God you’re not helping right now, the door won’t fucking open.’

Frustrated, the door is trying to mock him, Jonathan being too calm in an emergency like this and talking breathy against his neck was testing his limits. Evan can have so many limits in one night.

‘Just take a breath, insert the card slowly, keep those fingers of yours steady you don’t want to hurt the slot now.’ Jonathan spoke lowly against ear.

Evan takes a deep breath, maybe it’ll work.

Then a double beep the door made with a green light of liberation Evan internally cheered in glory.

He hurriedly pulls Jonathan in by his too expensive blazer while skillfully inserting the key card into the electrical slot he presses Jonathan against the door to slam shut as his hands hastily goes for the belt, and button. While Evan keenly kisses the underline of Jonathan’s jaw he also grinds them together and the room is quickly filled with heavy breaths.

Jonathan’s pants weren’t down yet, Evan wants to enjoy and drown in this moment as long as possible. This position, weight, and pressure are doing both of them so good to stop, with Jonathan’s husky pants by his ear while he lifts his head for more Evan notices they both got harder.

With their scents arising to his nostrils it was overbearingly pleasant for how it always takes him to the memories they would have together like this. The moments of intimacy where they would have their own aromas and traces.

Everyone would have their memories trigged when they would smell a certain scent it would take them back to that specific memory clear as distilled ice. Even when it’s a crush someone had in elementary school or a recall of how their date smelled or during their first dance at prom, the scent while they have their first kiss, to a simple setting of a hospital or their first car. Everyone would have trigger scents to their best and worst reminiscences.

But for Evan it’s one of the best.

He pulls Jonathan impossibly closer but he pushed him back.

‘Couch.’ Jonathan spoke lowly between hot breaths.

As Evan starts to back up Jonathan scoops his lips into a kiss while he’s being blindly led to the couch in their too-luxurious suite. It’s quite a walk as Evan tries his best not to trip while Jonathan steers his hips to the right path.

Hands pushed on his shoulders and Evan plops himself to the cushions while Jonathan backs a few inches. Evan’s plan was to go to the bed straightaway when they first initially steps foot into the room, but it looks here Jonathan want to put on a show and he’ll let him, happily accept it.

Jonathan smirks as he mischievously pulls down his zipper slowly while tipping off his dress shoes and Evan’s eyes are already focused on the goodies behind the black fabric showing a cue of blue and his heart quickens in a flash, sweat starts to form.

Evan’s legs bounces with eagerness and he’s starting to get too restless for this type of teasing gameplay, he’s impatient.

Jonathan knowing exactly what he’s doing with this mood provided with dimmed light coming off from the one lamp beside the couch. Shimmying the pants down slowly and Evan took a deep breath as he sees the blue and black making their appearance—finally.

As Jonathan gradually pushes down his pants Evan can feel his own face coming off as very sinister-esque with his fists by his side, keeping the eye contact as Evan tries to detain himself. Eyes scanning downwards and Evan lost the knowledge of words. The lacy-mesh stockings, the straps, suspenders with the bows, and as the pants reveal the beautiful garter Evan’s jaw flexes.

Pants around his ankles, Jonathan hooked them off to the side with the tip of his toes, smirking while he does it.

‘You like?’

Evan lost the comprehension to speak so he nods sluggishly, taking in a deep breath and a powerful shudder hits him.

Jonathan strikes poses, running his hands over the straps and down his thighs, arching his back and before Evan can think of his request Jonathan already heard it. Slowly turns around, showing his ass full view with thumbs hooked inside the panty. Strutting his ass around, turning and twirling in front of Evan enjoying every stare imprinting on his body, smiling with that hint of shyness with the way he bats his lashes as if trying to blink them away.

‘Come here.’ Evan beckons with the shifts of his eyes, to the spot right between his knees.

Evan leans comfortably with his back suppressed in the couch but not fully comfortable with the only throbbing part of his body pulsating as a distraction, but he’ll have to worry about that later, right now there’s another yearn and desire he wants and apparently he can’t touch at the moment.

Jonathan walks a few steps forward when Evan plans to stand up, halting him in his tracks when he saw no movement coming out of Jonathan, stopping in his effort as Jonathan comes close to his knees, sees him lifting his foot and slides them up his left thigh—Evan sighs.

‘Patience.’  

Foot pressing and rubbing on Evan’s inner thigh, clenching his teeth together he glares into Jonathan’s eyes and all he saw were tender and loving stares already directed at him. Smiling the sweetest smile, looking like that, still haven’t taken off his blazer and shirt and Evan manages to constantly still swoons on whatever Jonathan is doing, whatever he’s wearing.

Slickly coursing his hand up Jonathan’s calf, gliding across the mesh fabric. The feeling of it makes Evan tears his eyes away from Jonathan’s and looks over at his leg. They always look good but today they’re even better, a bonus upgrade.

Evan then moves, rising his back away from the backrest of the couch and presses his lips onto Jonathan’s knee. Rubbing them against the fabric then starts peppering kisses up his thigh while skimming Jonathan’s calf with his hand. Evan heard Jonathan harshly taking in a breath and he dares to test his time limit of being able to do what he wants to Jonathan’s leg until he takes them back.

Taking a last quick glance at Jonathan then he sticks out his tongue and licks a short line followed by a loving bite. Traveling up with lick-kisses while caressing Jonathan’s calf and Evan really feels as if he’s cherishing his mistress with how love-sick he is.

Feeling Jonathan progressively moving his foot up towards the swell in his pants Evan knew he was up to no good and he’s in trouble for wanting this in the first place, but that’s alright with him. It’s what he wishes for, it’s what he’s meant to have.

The balls of Jonathan’s feet came pressing and kneading into Evan’s bulge and he gasps, lips leaving the soft skin just a smidge to properly register the spasm of pleasure crashing into body. Then the foot and leg are gone.

Leaving everything neglected and untouched now, the pleasure of foot to groin was vanished—Evan huffs and frowns.

‘Babe come on.’

Evan only got a smile as his reply.

Jonathan walks back a few steps, turning his back towards him and Evan leans back into the couch, he got no choice but to let Jonathan do what he plans for him—this is a serious treat.

Slowly taking off his blazer, letting the heavy fabric slips off his broad shoulders and drops it onto the floor. Next, Evan is guessing hands are working on his buttoned up shirt. He can tell by the way Jonathan’s hands are dropping lower and lower till he spans the shirt apart and uncovers the silkiest looking skin as the material slides slowly down his shoulders. Inch by inch Jonathan turns his head and looks at Evan with a sneer on his lips.

Evan sighs.

He shifts anxiously on the tan leather couch, raking his hand through his hair, feeling the heat radiating off his scalp. It was getting hotter in this room in a minute span, he was suffocating in his tie and buttoned shirt so he pulls it loose clearing his throat.

Jonathan pulls the shirt down just stopping at the middle of his back still not completely off. The striptease was torturously seductive, so painfully slow Evan is on the margin of making a lunge towards Jonathan, but he’s doing a too well of a self-control to wreck his efforts now. Evan stays put.

Walking backwards towards Evan, nudged between his knees lightly with his hands behind his back, shirt enfolding his arms and Evan got the message as to what Jonathan want him to do.

Sitting slightly upright he stretches his hand out and grab ahold of the dress shirt, pulling them off Jonathan’s arms finally getting to see the full reveal, the highlight of the outfit on the perfect model he can ask for. Back toned, smooth and silky to the touch with an ass perfectly fitted in those frilly, skirt-like undies. Vigorous legs suited snuggly against the straps, suspenders and mesh stockings Evan couldn’t help but bite his lip followed by a groan and a hiss.

Gripping on Jonathan’s shirt, he brought it up to his nose and breathe in the scent that’ll forever be engraved into his heart, the scent is strong this time and it heightens Evan’s arousal a few notches while having a great view of Jonathan’s ass right in his reach.

Reaching out to have just a slightest touch Jonathan turns around, shirt instantly drops with his hand as he looks at Jonathan trying hard to make his eyes stay focus with his heavy lids and clouded gaze.

‘You like?’

Evan gave into the temptation and his self-discipline went out the door, Jonathan was too close to not touch. He gathers Jonathan’s ass into his palms and pulls him closer, compressing him firmly with a cheek pressed to his stomach. Hands tangling in his hair and Evan pursues a kiss on Jonathan’s stomach.

‘I love it.’ Evan manages to voice his reply.

Hands and fingers fiddling and twiddling the present in his hands, everything and everywhere he can get his hands on. Sliding them down Jonathan’s leg resting his forehead on his stomach, and was that view the dream of the decade.

‘You’re so pretty.. So pretty.’ Evan whispers.

‘Just pretty?’

‘Beautiful, exquisite, flawless, gorgeous. You’re all that.’

Wrapping his arms around Jonathan’s legs and kisses increase, feeling the muscle flex under his lips Evan smiles.

Jonathan moves and climbs onto the couch with him between his spread knees and Evan has to forcefully take in a breath because his lungs just collapsed on him for a thin second.

Leaning fully back into the couch as it squeaks.

‘Oh my god, how did I become so lucky?’

Skimming his hands up the legs while Jonathan rests his hands steadily on the headrest and he presses down—rolling.

Evan huffs a surprised breath. The rubs are doing delightful things to him and his hips naturally thrusts upwards, seeking for the lovely angle and pressure. Plus with the dream view he can now ultimately get to see, along with Jonathan rolling and grinding them together are giving him too much emotions. Evan doesn’t think he can sit back any longer, his limits can be tested so much in one night.

‘You make me feel so sexy, you know that right?’ Jonathan says among grinds.

‘But you _are_ sexy.’ Evan assures.

‘You make me feel so much more.’

Eyes appearing so sultry looking down at Evan, licking and biting his lip with worried looking brows. With that sight he’s getting a little light-headed, the most achingly beautiful sight he’s ever seen Jonathan do.

Evan holds the back of Jonathan’s neck and pulls him in, yearning for a kiss. Evan made it incensed with passion as he pushes upwards, pressing hard and deeper as imaginable. He want his tongue to touch every part of his mouth. Back lifting off the couch as he enfold his arms across Jonathan’s ass, tending closer in contact with his body.

Reaching and stretching his back and neck as he toys with Jonathan’s tongue. Hands slides to his shoulders, peeling off his jacket. Hands goes to his tie and disentangles them, fingers effortlessly working on his buttons—finally he can breathe.

Enough of this not-doing-anything-and-sit-still play. He’ll take everything off in bed, gathering Jonathan in his arms and lifts him. Walking towards the bed with one eye open to transport both of them there unbruised.

Laying Jonathan down gently onto the cold fluffy covers. Heels of his feet rubbing on Evan’s lower back as he grinds their groins jointly. Fingers came to his shirt and continues their undoing. Lips still attached together, Evan tries to keep it at that way while he struggles a bit on removing the damned fitted shirt.

Warm fingers skates on his shoulders and down his arms, then up his stomach to his chest. They roamed everywhere, Evan needs his pants off.

Giving a finishing lick he leans up feeling for his belt buckle but they were already undone, so were his button and fly, Evan looks at Jonathan and he was already smiling.

‘Sneaky hands huh?’

With a bottom lip between his teeth Jonathan chuckles.

‘Mm-hm.’

Jonathan slyly skids the tip of his foot up Evan’s torso teasingly as he chose to remain kneeled below Jonathan because it’s too breathtaking to move. Evan is trying his almighty will to hold himself back to savor this scene and moment, that’s what he does, he sits back and relish the every first time making sure it’ll forever mark in his mind before he completely get used to them.

Staring intently at Jonathan, seeing him owning a slim blush, smiling adorably with the twinkles on the corner of his eyes, looking like what he does now with those raspberry lips Evan’s heart ached and pined during this minor moment.

Retorting back to what’s happening, what sensation he’s feeling that’s making Jonathan’s face to turn from smiling to having his tongue between his teeth—he’s frolicking his nipple with his toes.

Evan smiles and grabs Jonathan’s Achilles heel in his palm and lifts them to his lips to start pressing kisses up his leg. Evan nose-rubs the garter on Jonathan’s thigh, grazes his lips onto the fabric, he was in love with how the thing looks on Jonathan.

Opening his mouth he grasps it with his teeth, just like seven months ago on the couch of his house teasing and flirting with Jonathan when they weren’t anything more than friends yet, except it wasn’t around his hand that last time but now on the actual being himself. Evan’s been dreaming of this day for years now he can finally pull it off of his bride-to-be’s leg perfectly like this with their surroundings and the divine scenery above the city lights.

He pulls it, unhurried and easy down Jonathan’s leg, looking softly into Evan’s eyes and he smiles, smirking almost because that’s what Evan wants to see. Progressively pulling it down Jonathan’s calve with his other foot soothing Evan’s thigh—next to the danger zone.

Then Evan pulls the garter off with it dangling from his mouth and Jonathan groans gently.

‘Finally. I’ve been waiting for you to do that.’

Evan smiles. ‘Oh you have you no idea. We could’ve done it sooner.’

Evan thought he would go absolute senseless on Jonathan the moment they stepped foot into their room, but for some odd reason his mood changed and he wants to be sweet and affectionate to show Jonathan how much love he holds towards him, how much he retains regarding him.

Drops the garter from his mouth and he slips it on his bicep thinking that’s where they’re supposed to go or he can just keep it there for both of their viewing and Jonathan laughs.

One heel on Evan’s shoulder and the other foot rubbing and kneading on his partially hard dick. Evan’s not exactly sure why he enjoys being played with by a foot so much, maybe because Jonathan has some foot tricks up his sleeves or maybe it’s just plain Jonathan that makes it feel so good so Evan stays and lets him massage his cock, vaguely thrusting against it.

‘You like that huh?’

Evan only smiles to show his approval as he grabs hold of Jonathan’s leg resting on his shoulder and presses a kiss to his ankle bone, slowly moving them upwards with tiny bites on his shin. Head is getting additionally hazy as his tip is getting the extra attention it needs, feeling himself leaking through his briefs.

‘You’re as sultry as ever.’ Jonathan says.

Groaning, as much as Evan wants to open his eyes he can’t, they remains shut with the great head-spinning pleasure that’s making his mind going in a maddening mess as he directs his face towards the ceiling. Jonathan’s toe slyly creeping into the brief’s hole and rubs right onto his slit and Evan snaps out of trance.

Giving a final hard bite onto Jonathan’s leg and nudges it off his shoulder before he pushes everything off in one move with the pants and briefs somewhere in another world that’s also on the other side of the room. Pressing fully on Jonathan as he takes his lips, making his tongue swirl and twirl fast and hard in Jonathan’s mouth. Making sure to suck on his lip in between licks Evan would never forget that move.

‘Mmm.’

Jonathan whines as Evan grinds his bare groin onto his, already feeling the excessive slickness with their frictions—it was good.

Nail rakes and grips across Evan’s shoulder, pulling him towards and closer so he grinds harder.

‘Ah fuck. Yes.’

Jonathan pries his lips off from each other as he huffs hot breathy whimpers on Evan’s face. Both their lids are heavy and Evan lifts his hand to caress Jonathan’s face, strokes his left brow which seems to be tensing a little bit too much.

Jonathan breath began to become short and fast as he arches his back and neck when Evan rolls longer and grinds more forcefully down on the delicate spot he knows best.

Almost gasping for air all as while whimpering the loveliest whimper. Evan’s worship for those sounds are limitless and he doesn’t want to stop.

‘Sensitive baby?’ Evan whispers.

Both panting into the progressing humid air with their cocks sliding so well together with the factual amount of lubrication Evan thinks they might not even need lube.

‘It’s so good.’ Jonathan says. Hissing and squirming beneath him, licking his lips from drying as sweat slides into his hair. With the whole package of back arches, lip biting and the pace of inhales Evan takes that cue Jonathan is getting near to the edge.

 _Not yet_.

Evan wants to touch it, with his hands, with his mouth so he stops.

‘No.’ Jonathan wails.

Evan smiles and presses a kiss between Jonathan’s brows, traveling slowly down to his cheeks, chin, and neck. Two kisses on the collarbones, one firm one right above his heart purposely avoiding the nipples as he slowly goes down to his stomach to press little kisses on every one of his ribs.

Jonathan exhales.

A kiss to his belly button, intentionally blowing a little bit of cool air to that area before warming them up with his breath. Licking up the happy trail and the muscle tensed under his tongue, feeling a scarce amount of accomplishment he licks up past the belly button and along his stomach. Evan’s chin touches the tip of Jonathan’s cock and he rubs it—grinning.

A hand went in his hair, brushing them back and Evan kisses both of Jonathan’s hipbones before going down and under the frilly, lacy, too-short skirt. Licks from balls to tip and one of Jonathan’s leg automatically hooks on his shoulder.

‘Fuck.’

Thrusting lightly into his face and Evan knows. Sliding his lips up and down the shaft as it twitches on each little movement, that’s one of his favorite reactions. Feeling the leg on his shoulder shuddering so Evan brings a hand and caress them calm with his other hand subtly pushing the other apart while he press wet kisses up the shaft.

Leisurely playing with the straps, snapping them gently, rubbing them on the pads of his fingers, scratches the stocking gently with his blunt fingernails. The shuddering and trembling of Jonathan’s thighs are stronger, clamping him between them while he licks and consume.

‘No more. I-I can’t.’ Jonathan uttered.

Evan hums, he doesn’t stop.

‘Please.’ Voice coming cut off.

Evan knows Jonathan says that but he doesn’t truly mean them. Teasing the head by sucking and bobbing just gently and softly enough to energized that passion Jonathan is holding back. Evan wants to see him unravel under his touch, crumble over his trace, writhe to every stroke with each contact and caress. Takes in all the types pressure Evan gives him, soaks in the touches and rubs with his fingers, his lips, his tongue.

Rubbing Jonathan’s perineum with his thumb and he knows where he should apply pressure like he has navigation imprinted in his mind, that’s how well he knows how Jonathan’s body works, months in the works and he’s already doing so well as if this body is made just for him to pleasure.

Jolting the moment he touches it. Smiling as he hears Jonathan whining his name. Sliding his thumb lower and starts brushing circularly before inserting two finger in his mouth, using the saliva and precum on his tongue he licks them slick, making them additionally covered, Evan does it slowly when Jonathan glimpses down at him then he pushes in slowly.

_Wait.. With only two finger he’s perfectly stretched and loose._

Middle and index finger easily all the way in, Evan looks at Jonathan and he already has a grin formed on his lips looking over him.

They didn’t need to exchange words, there’s no reason for Jonathan to explain because they can communicate through looks and gazes. A spark spurs Evan’s limitations off the meter.

Clambering back up with Jonathan face to face and he’s still having on that knowing, cocky smile— aware what he’s doing like he’s planning this, Jonathan thought it all out.

_He schemed this._

‘When?’

Almost couldn’t recognize his own voice coming out deeper than usual.

Noses barely grazing against each other Evan looks at Jonathan, waiting.

The smile turns tender and doting for a few seconds till he grates his teeth up his bottom lip Jonathan looks sinister again. Still not answering.

Evan thinks he’ll get his answer by adding one more finger.

Jonathan exhales but that’s all he does, usually he would whine and whimper but not tonight. His insides feels so hot, welcoming, snug and inviting Evan’s cock felt like it’s crying to be wrapped in that contact that’s why it’s twitching avidly against Jonathan’s.

Still not wanting to answer, putting on that impish grin Evan knows Jonathan wants to drag that devil out of him he doesn’t want to let loose.

_God he feels so good._

‘You’re really asking for it aren’t you?’ He said assertively.

Evan know the disadvantage of that so-called strong will, he knows the weakness, that little plump of softness faintly under his three fingers.

Feeling victorious a moan drips out Jonathan’s mouth, Evan takes that and asks again.

‘When?’ Asserting more weight this time.

Jonathan will definitely be the death of him. Struggling so hard to keep his head cool, withhold his sane. Jonathan thinking and knowing of all the ways to stab him so well to hurt so good, to make him fall deeper. Succumbing around Jonathan’s very fingers, he tends to have that as a full blown talent.

‘Bring him out, then I’ll tell you when.’ Jonathan finally decides to talk.

 ‘Tell me when and that’ll bring him out hun.’ Pressing onto his prostate more firmly to confirm his message.

Sucking on his bottom lip Jonathan thinks. A little bit of hesitation but Evan smirks so he’ll know Evan will keep his word.

‘Remember a few hours before us having to get dressed for the wedding I said I was feeling nauseous and light-headed?’

Evan knows in a flash when.

_Unbelievable._

Still wanting to know the full story he pretends to be oblivious.

‘Yeah?’

‘You being the sweetheart you are, taking care of me and everything, went out to get me meds. I got the hotel room all to myself so I can prep just right for you. I inserted a little something to stretch myself perfectly for tonight.’

That could be the hottest thing anyone could ever do for him. To think Jonathan planned this whole thing out made him feel so special beyond control, and Jonathan isn’t the type to do something so dramatic and erotic at the same time with so much effort, dedication and patience, Evan feels like a total amateur. How could he come to this level of dedication and arrangement without blowing everything up. It make him love this person even more to an extent for it to go to their next lifetime for it to be fully paid off.

Evan’s fingers starts to pump automatically and Jonathan suppressed a yelp, suddenly clenching so tight.

‘When did you take it out?’

Now pressing forehead against forehead, how can Evan bring out his requested alter ego when this moment is so intimate and special in a way. It was supposed to be romantic and affectionate.

Still leisurely pumping his fingers in the correct pace to keep them both erected. Evan is still hard just from listening to the things Jonathan are willing to do for him. Being so erotic and sensual all around laying on this bed looking like that. This night couldn’t be more perfect.

‘A few minutes before you came and asked me for a dance.’

Jonathan exhales a short puff of hot air as he pushes himself towards Evan’s fingers, wiggling as he presses down. Evan hisses by how warm and perfectly well-fitted Jonathan feels, his dick is literally crying he can feel it dripping.

Gripping the pillow beneath Jonathan’s head, he can sense himself losing his sanity ounce by ounce. The rationality, reason and judgement are slowly evaporating while his breath is gradually becoming hastier and Jonathan recognizes with a knowing smile.

He’s trying to pull the bad guy out of Evan he rarely shows in bed.

‘You kept it in there for six hours?’

Jonathan chuckles.

‘Just for you.’

Evan collides their lips as he bites and licks at the same time Jonathan moans and hums.

‘You dirty dirty boy.’

Jonathan licks Evan’s chin up to his lip.

‘Mm just for you.’

Evan sighs.

‘You really want to bring _that_ Evan out? You don’t like this caring and gentle Evan I’m giving to you? You don’t want me to be sweet to you tonight?’

Jonathan caressed his cheek.

‘No it’s not like that, don’t get me wrong I always love this Evan. But I need that Evan tonight, especially tonight—when I’m like this.’

Jonathan slides his hand down his torso and easily inserts two more fingers inside with Evan’s other three. Jonathan moans Evan’s name with eyes so dark like the midnight waters calling and luring his want.

The realization of Jonathan having five fingers inside of him right now and still thrusting slowly Evan’s eyes twitches and contracts.

Evan pushes his fingers deeper, forcing against Jonathan’s digits and make him ram his own prostate. It must be the most sexiest thing Evan will ever witness and experience in this lifetime, it’s the thrill and the kick from Jonathan’s reaction that’s giving him the reason to live. Jonathan’s satisfactions is what makes him want to live.

Jonathan gasps. Choking out. ‘Yes.’

The image of him between Jonathan’s spread legs wearing his present for him looking more beautiful as ever in this lovely night. Sweat rolling off his torso, his neck and hairline, shining admirably under the dim yellow light. Writhing and squirming with his chest coiling up and down as he pants Evan’s name like a chant to beckon his other character, in which it has its own name.

Jonathan is willing to act this way and look this way just for him to see, he lets himself be vastly submissive under his own will for Evan to take, laying beneath his touch. He knows this is something extremely rare for Jonathan to submit this far and it’s the first time seeing him like this.

It is done.

Evan sneers.

‘You.. dirty dirty bitch.’ Voice coming out extremely grave.

The aura completely changes Evan can feel it himself and it sends chills up his neck, it’s a great amount of thrill and excitement, it makes him feel superior and stronger. It makes him want to break the thing beneath him.

Jonathan moans out a _yes,_ looking up into Evan’s eyes and he sees Jonathan like he’s gazing at somebody else, like he finally gets the man he wants. And that fuels everything Evan has in his gut, in his soul as it boils to a hot simmer.

Roughly pulls out his fingers and sticks them in his mouth, he licks all four of them, scooping all the saliva remains in his mouth and onto his hand then he strokes himself. He does it nice and tight while giving off an arrogant expression whilst Jonathan is looking so attentively at him, looking so sedated.

‘You being so naughty to an extent to call me out. You’re asking for it.’

Satisfied with the expanse of slickness on his cock he lines it up.

‘Lu—.’

‘Fuck the lube, you’re taking it like this.’

Jonathan exhales pleasure, he reeks of satisfaction. Jonathan likes this.

Sensing he’s about to detach his fingers from his hole.

‘Keep those inside.’

Jonathan smirks and obeys.

Evan leans close to breathe in Jonathan’s minor fruity exhales.

‘I’m not going easy on you babygirl.’

Jonathan is squirming constantly after he had said that, he is loving this way too much. Evan decides he won’t put mercy on him tonight.

Evan thrusts forward unwaveringly and swift, already plunging deep and intense —he groans his bliss into the air while Jonathan shouts.

‘Fuck! HohMyGod.’

Legs trembling uncontrollably beside Evan’s ribcage while he powers on his thrusts.

‘Push on that sweet spot of yours, you know where it is. Don’t stop or pull out till I tell you to.’ Panting out his commands.

‘Ev-Evan, please go slower. I-I can’t like this.’

Evan knows it wasn’t the pain kind of talk, it’s the pleasure kind of talk. Jonathan is having too much of that ecstasy-burn.

‘Oh Evan’s gone darling _I’m_ here now.’

Jonathan exhales.

‘Please. Keep talking to me.’

Sentence cutting off with the force of his thrust, Evan can feel Jonathan’s fingers are at work inside, diligently nudging the firm plumpness while arching his back; letting him hit the right place.

‘You like being my mistress that much to pull me out?’

Ten fingers scraping down both his thighs while Evan wants to go deeper he spreads Jonathan’s leg at the back of his knees. Snapping rougher and he can hear Jonathan cry.

‘Yes.’

Evan pulls Jonathan’s legs on his shoulders and leans down; inhaling his cries.

‘You like being my slutty concubine?’

‘Yes! Right there.’

One of Jonathan’s hand went for his face and the other are about to pull out.

‘No touching. And keep those fingers inside I didn’t tell you to remove them did I?’

Grabbing Jonathan’s hand before it touches his face and pins them beside the pillow. Hearing Jonathan whimper as his face comes closer to the side of his cheekbone.

‘Did I?’

‘No.’

Jonathan sneaks a little kiss to Evan’s cheek, he lets that one slide and withdraws, almost all the way out he knocks back in—hard.

Jonathan arches and grips the pillow with Evan’s resilient grip still around his wrist, other hand pushing the tip of his shoulder strappingly into the mattress.

Sweat hanging from the tip of Evan’s nose as they swing in sync with his thrusts threatening to fall.

‘Say my name.’

Evan makes sure his ear is close to Jonathan’s lips as he pants onto his jawline.

‘E—...’ Jonathan wavers. ‘Vanoss.’

Evan groans into Jonathan’s neck, his heart contracted for one second as it sank and tightened. It’s been so long since he has heard that sound coming out of Jonathan’s mouth.

‘Fuck.’ Evan says.

‘Please. Baby I’m going to cum, Vanoss please.’

Evan feels the fingers inside are rubbing coarsely onto his prostate. He sat up, taking the garter off his bicep and tied it tightly around Jonathan’s cock, gazing at the adorable throbbing dick spewing with running precum.

‘Remove your fingers.’ Evan says profoundly.

Jonathan cries. ‘No, please. Let me cum.’

Evan stops thrusting and the whine became three volumes louder.

‘Did you not hear what I said? Remove them, now.’

Jonathan bites his lip, looking up at Evan with glossy, sadden eyes. Good thing Evan prepared himself for that look beforehand, he knew Jonathan would throw him that expression. That wouldn’t work tonight.

Evan showing no reaction, Jonathan pouts but was only returned with the lifts of Evan’s eyebrows, eyes gesturing to his hole and looks back to his eyes. Evan waits.

Jonathan sucking on his bottom lip, humming as he withdraws and there’s a naughty wet sound as he does so—Evan savors it.

He groans as Jonathan suddenly clench on him.

What Evan didn’t expect to see and didn’t prepare himself in time to see Jonathan lift those fingers to his mouth and sticking out his tongue to give a long lick up to the tip of his fingers with the flat of his tongue; looking cheekily at Evan with his piercing eyes.

Evan wasn’t set for that look other than that action. He knows Jonathan saw his flexed jaw, Evan doesn’t know what he’s trying to do or what he wants. Evan huff an unbelieved chuckle.

‘What do you want?’ Evan asks.

Resting his fingers on his tongue as he leers at Evan. Biting gently at the pad and he blinks slowly, as always Evan waits.

‘I want to cum.’ Saying those words with a wanton voice.

It was cute Jonathan thought that would work on him, it might work in an instant a few minutes ago but it was long gone too late. Evan wants to do what he pleases.

‘No. Too late to make that request.’

Evan begins the deep and fleeting thrusts, trapping Jonathan’s shoulders from the weight of his palms. Jutting where he feels good and Jonathan’s hands went to grip at his forearms.

‘No touching, remember?’

Jonathan scoffs and lets go to grip at the pillow’s edges instead.

‘Asshole.’

Evan gave an inaudible laugh.

‘But you love him.’

Running his hands up Jonathan’s thighs and to his inner thighs as he slides down. Moving where Jonathan would like him to, where he needs him. Evan knew it was good for Jonathan but not good enough to be able to completely relief himself with the slight hold around his hilt and it was a lovely sight for Evan.

Jonathan purrs, if that was humanly possible, it might not be at all probable but Jonathan can do it. Or is it because he’s trembling tremendously while humming as Evan thrusts and angles.

This is the most intense sex he’s ever had and he’s getting onto the road of being an addict to this, he’s already feeling the burn consuming that flame deep inside him and he’s more than pleased to become addicted to this drug, this ecstasy he has underneath him. Evan’s more than willing to give himself away for Jonathan to take, do whatever he wants with him.

But right now Evan’s trying to chase that other burn that’s been flaring for too long, he might go crazy before any of this ends. But his mind doesn’t want this to end, it won’t let him and he agrees, lastly deciding to draw it out till Jonathan is begging him to find that release.

Chest arced towards Evan’s heated body, seeking for some kind of skin contact Evan denies him with. Gripping the sheets while using his elbow to make his back curve the right angle to hit his spot just right, and Evan did.

It seems that he did something surely right to cause the pitch black irises to reverse past his eyelids, Jonathan mindlessly lifts one leg over his shoulder, Evan suppose this position is good for Jonathan so he lets him rest it there.

‘You like that?’

Mouth parting as he gasps, sobbing even. It took a few seconds later for Jonathan to register.

‘Yes. God yes.’ He replied.

Blabbering pleas, curses, and requests— _please, right there, fuck._

Evan still does it hard and rough, and he wonders how this surge of ceaseless energy is coming from. Evidently Jonathan brings something out of him every time.

He can see Jonathan’s fingers are itching to touch him, every one of those long and strong digits eager to scratch and scrape against his skin. That thought made Evan hungry for those burning welts.

‘Put your arms around me.’

And instantly arms folds around his neck as he leans down, Jonathan’s already greedily grasping, gripping and clutching for his saneness as if he’s being swallowed into the mattress and it’s what Evan’s waiting for, the fiery trace he needs.

Evan lower his gaze and Jonathan’s cock is seeping immensely, crying for a touch; a relief. Twitching in the tied garter as precum glides down his stomach and Evan is too into seeing Jonathan sobbing and wriggling underneath him to put sympathy on him.

‘Hubby, please.’

Everything stopped, his heart stopped, time stopped. Evan’s heart ached against his chest, his stomach twists and turns making him light-headed as that call sounded so pretty with that voice, even more lovely directed only for him—forever.

Evan froze, breathing starting to calm as he replays that call in his head.

Jonathan opens his tear-filled eyes and Evan is not sure if he know what he just said, wondering if Jonathan accidently said it on a whim of the moment, if it accidently slipped out and he didn’t mean them.

‘You like that? You like me calling you that?’

Jonathan said while calming down, smiling up at him.

There was never a moment Jonathan doesn’t look beautiful in Evan’s eyes, tonight Jonathan killed him.

‘Call me that again.’

Evan says smoothly as he wipes another tear rolling down Jonathan’s temple and he moves his hand to cradle Evan’s face.

‘My hubby.’

Evan rests his forehead on Jonathan’s.

‘Say it again.’

Jonathan whispers. ‘Hubby.’

Evan smiles. He declared that name will never get old how it rings so sweetly in his ear.

‘I want to cum, can you do that for your bride?’

Evan’s hand move and grasps Jonathan’s cock then began to slowly stroke it smoothly and tightly. Jonathan’s legs jerks when Evan rubs the head and slyly hook the garter with his thumb, sliding it off and Evan can feel it spasm in his palm as the slit leaks further more.

Thrusts began their continuation as the garter is half way off the shaft, more liquid drips with every thrust he makes and that satisfy him enough with that visual alone.

As the garter is fully off Jonathan suddenly clenched blissfully tight around him and he groans, that burn’s arriving sooner than he’d expected.

“Together.’

Evan grips at Jonathan’s hilt, plunging faster as he will be falling very soon, he turns and presses his lips on Jonathan’s calf then he plants his hand on the pillow under Jonathan’s head. Evan wants to relish his expressions when they both reach peak.

He’s close.

‘Jonathan.’

Lids slowly opens and he waits for them to focus on his eyes.

‘I love you.’

Jonathan grins.

‘Is this Vanoss or Evan?’

He bows down; grazing lips to lips.

‘It’s Evan.’

He licks Jonathan’s chew-bruised lips, tries to kiss the teeth marks away, he wants to suck them away by replacing it with another marginal bruise.

Jonathan licks the inner of Evan’s inner top lip and that’s the seal of the deal.

Thrusts became fast. As soon as a few seconds later Evan felt the finish is near he loosen his grip  and Evan strokes Jonathan faster.

He groans onto Jonathan’s lips as he gasps out his pent up orgasm, pushing up against Evan while he moans his name.

For a moment Evan forgot the point of place and time, the only realism he knows is the person beneath him, that’s the only real thing he knows. Nothing else is relevant for his attention and consideration. This moment is the only thing that matters, it is what he needs his whole life—this feeling deep in his soul.

The amount of love, passion and affection are empowering his heart. Tears were impending to fall and he blinks them away, he’s not going to cry during post orgasm.

Hands collecting Evan’s hair as its being gripped at an almost painful state and Evan takes pleasure from it as he can feel Jonathan’s lower half judders out of control. Slowing down his strokes and they were a panting mess, Evan still doesn’t want to remove his lips, he subtly kisses the corner of Jonathan’s lips while he catches his breath.

‘I love you too.’ Jonathan softly whispers.

Evan smiles. It’s cute how Jonathan didn’t forget to say it back before gently rubbing his scalp.

Jonathan’s moaning slightly while he press fleeting kisses onto his cheek.

‘Evan.’

‘Yeah.’

‘Promise me.’

Evan lift his head aligning eye to eye.

‘What is it?’

‘Don’t break my heart.’ Jonathan says with a bit of sadness in his eyes, a little bit of eagerness.

‘Never.’

Evan heart clutches. _Why would he think that?_

‘Promise me.’

Evan thumbs Jonathan’s still rosy cheeks. ‘I promise.’

‘Promise me you’ll stay with me, forever.’

He leans down, ready to retrieve those luscious raspberry stained lips he whispers.

‘I promise.’

 

That night Evan made his last ever promises.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

   

 

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

He’s shaking, just a little, trying to cover it up by bouncing his feet as he’s waiting for the plane to begin reversing and moving. But what is he rushing for?

Feeling the regret slowly creeping into him with every second feeling like minutes, but still too fast at the same time.

People just can’t get seated faster, people taking advantage carrying more bags then they need, roaming up and down the aisle looking for the little nook to squeeze their stuff in pulling everything to be longer than the expected flight time.

He also wishes for some kind of dispute to happen, something to occur so the flight would be delayed, cancelled so he wouldn’t have to go to this ‘merry’ reunion. Hoping there’s some issue with the turbines, problem with the tires, a lady giving birth, a power outage, anything to get out of this.

‘Hey Jonathan will you sit down? No one’s going to steal your stuff.’

His heart pinched. Looking to the source of the whispered voice calling that name. Getting more anticipated as his eyes scans across the expanse of the plane.

A seated man looking at another man standing up checking and securing his bag. With his back facing towards him he can’t tell if it’s _him_ or not, owning a shortcut hair wearing a green jacket with jeans. Even his color is the same.

‘Okay, you know how paranoid I get just hold on a few seconds.’

_False alarm._

It wasn’t him, not with that voice he can tell. But the man looks quite close to him from the back, and with the guy assuring his friend no one’s going to steal his stuff was exactly like what he himself would do. He thought it was really him.

Then he realizes his heart’s beating like mad against his ribcage, not sure if he was anxious, nervous, afraid or happy to see him, if it _was_ him. The anticipation he felt earlier was there to tell him he _wanted_ to see him. Jonathan.

“Evan you okay? You’re a little red.”

For some reason he felt as if he was cheating, getting caught at sneaking a look at someone else, thinking the things he shouldn’t. But with him thinking that only made him warmer.

Adeline looking concerned with her hand on his arm, eyebrows slightly raised. Evan felt a bit of an ache, in his head and his heart he hated himself so much.

_Coming to this trip is a bad idea._

“It’s hot in here isn’t it?”

Evan grabs her hand, reassuring her with the strokes of the pad of his thumb, smiling as if everything _is_ okay, that he’s fine.

Adeline, with her ability to see the lie in his eyes, the cover-up of his uncertainty; she covers her palm on his forehead searching for unusual heat. Evan gently laughs and removes her hand.

“I’m really fine.”

There are few doubts in her eyes so he made a gesture of rubbing her knuckles and gave her a smile. He needs her to stop worrying and let him wallow in his own forthcoming misery, he wants the alone time to let the situation sink in. Evan gave her a sincere smile, the one where it goes through his eyes.

“Alright.”

He gave her a kiss, an earnest kiss out of love and adoration. A natural, honest one.

Evan truly loves her and it’s terrifyingly selfish of him to not want to let her go, to keep her because she makes him feel sane and safe, she has saved him in so many ways. Maybe it’s the feeling of having someone there to keep him anchored and attached. The support he needs on the decisions he made, the assurance he craves to know everything will be alright. He needs the reminder that the life he chose is the right way to live.

Evan _wish_ the life he chose for Jonathan and him were the right thing he could do.

Adeline smiles in his palm with her glossy pink lips, they taste of cherries, probably his second favorite flavor next to his first and only preferred hint of—

“Go to sleep I can tell you’re really tired. I’ll wake you up when we’re there.”

He _is_ really tired, not because of the packing and the rushing but just the thought of seeing him again makes him want to launch himself into an isolated island, dig himself a hole and bury himself so nobody would know where he is, come find him and remind him what a horrible kind of human he is.

Evan doesn’t want to look into those striking and piercing eyes, ones where they can confront him of his wrongs. They can see right through the mask of emotions and potential lies. He can’t look into those eyes that holds so much history, scars, and pain. It’s looking into his own mistakes he made, the pain he has caused with the misery he has left behind in those eyes. All the faults he made are carved into those eyes.

Those eyes once looked at him with love and devotion, so much admiration and adoration. The look they would give when he wakes in the morning, those were the first thing his own eyes tries to find. When he finally finds them, they were so gentle looking back at him with a smile that follows, and how the sunlight shines through them, looking clear and gleaming in front of his eyes. It was how he would like to wake up every morning.

Those eyes once looked at him as they were ecstatically happy, they would hold little twinkles in them shining exceptionally back at him. That moment, Evan understands why people love the stars so much.

When those eyes would once look at him when they were concerned, they would look for a sign, search for answers as in what was wrong. The worry in those eyes would possess, they were so beautiful it made him felt nothing was actually wrong, he would forget the reason why he felt that heavy weight in his head or in his heart, the problem was solved the moment he looked into those curing eyes.

They would wreck his heart when they were angry, those sharp eyes would once looked at him with fire. When he fucked up and he searches them for forgiveness but they would block him out, giving him no pity or mercy. Till he tries to get close, if he were lucky enough, give a kiss to each lid. Hoping to kiss away the anger, resentment, and the antipathy he has caused in those lovely eyes.

His heart would truly ached the moment those lids opened, the look they gave towards him were as soft as they can be. They would first hold a bit of calmness, he would then squeeze in a sweet smile to plea for that fire to cool, and seconds later they would be looking at him on what he’s been waiting for—forgiveness.

He could spend days listing how stunning those eyes are to him, to every moment and memory even when they hurt him or made him love them. His favorite look they would give to him and just him is when they’re making love. With legs shaking, hands gripping the fabrics or him, chest heaving towards the ceiling, gasps and whimpers resonates for his ears, breaths were heavy as sweat slides into the sheets and vice versa. He would concentrate on those eyes as they were glazed with yearn and lust. The pretty ocean couldn’t be glossier, the stars never shines brighter, he couldn’t fall deeper as he already had by the way they would look at him, pulling him into a trance as those lips says in whispers,  _I love you._

Looking into those eyes again—will kill him, and…. he’s okay with that.

 

 

When did he fall asleep he’s not clear when. Lights in the plane are dimmed that means he’s been asleep for about an hour he guesses, the turbulence seems to be the reason he woke.

Evan looks to Adeline and she have her head on his shoulder as she dozes off in a peaceful nap. He smiles and rests his head on hers. Maybe he can squeeze in another short slumber till they land, besides the soft light and the hum of the engines were kind of peaceful and Evan closes his eyes.

 

 

 

 

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Cold floors were the first thing felt underneath his feet as he walks in the faint lighting of the bedroom, his old bedroom, _that_ bedroom. Going towards the door and reach for the door knob.

The living room is empty and dark. The kitchen is also empty and also dark. He know what he’s looking for, and it’s not a what but who. All he’s wearing is his stretched out favorite t-shirt, the one where it’s so old and over-washed, the wind that comes after opening a door can make the fabric flow and he’s sure there’s a hole somewhere in the shirt.

He’s walking to the room he’s sure he’ll find who he’s looking for, also by the light-blue glow underneath the door confirms it for him. It’s a little cracked open not completely close. Typical of him.

The type of person who can withstand an unclosed door, completely opposite of him. He has to have the door closed or completely opened. He’s a grown man but is still paranoid of something looking in, maybe the boogeyman, a killer maybe. It’s a weird paranoia he’s always had.

The door doesn’t creak when he stride quietly in. The floor doesn’t squeak as he treads unhurriedly towards the man sitting by his desk, in front of the bright monitor just typing away. The glare on his glasses makes it seem like he doesn’t see the figure gradually getting closer.

What if he’s a killer? Then the guy innocently working in his office would be brutally murdered completely caught off guard and unaware. And he himself have to find his dead and possibly limbless body on the cold bloody floor.

The guy has the talent to wholly tune himself out.

He climbs into his lap fluidly smooth and fitting.

“Jesus! You scared the living hell out of me Evan!”

The unbelieved face makes him smile, it’s adorable.

The man’s face softens. “Hi.”

He leans forward to give a kiss to his sternum and continues to work over his shoulder still tries to type away.

“I’m cold.”

“Well if you’re dressed like that of course you are.”

He’s not cold not even a bit. He’s feeling warm.

He leans back and grabs the man’s face. “Come rest, you’ve been working for hours and it’s late.”

The bags and dark circles are visible behind the framed glasses and it takes years off his youthful face, a face that shouldn’t look the way it is as if ages were taken off of them.

Where’s that boyish and lively face?

He slips his thumbs behind the frames to press lightly onto the shady rings, gently brushing them as if trying to dust the bags and stress lines off.

The man pulls his hands away and kisses his palms.

“Just give me another hour then I’ll rest okay?”

“Not okay, you said that two hours ago Jonathan.”

The man pouts and sets his hands back on the keyboard, attempting to sweeten him up by resting his chin on his shoulder.

“I need attention.”

Jonathan chuckles, because that came out way too greasy than he wanted.

“I’ll give you all the attention you want when I’m done with this I promise.”

That doesn’t satisfy Evan. He’s not selfish for doing this, he knows Jonathan, and he’s the type of person if he works he’ll work till the end even when he’s already done on what he needs to do. He’ll work till his body is crying for some rest, to the brink of collapsing. That’s something that worries him the most, that Jonathan doesn’t have the self-control to stop himself from dying of overworking.

“Jonathan please, I need you now.”

Then he grind, just once, to make his point.

Jonathan lets out a breath. “You want me to rest by wearing me out?”

“That’s the best way to rest.”

Jonathan doesn’t seem to budge so the approach is not working.

And he’s hornier all of a sudden, maybe because Jonathan’s so close to him, he can smell him, he can also smell the heat their giving off, and by the way Jonathan’s hard-to-get. He would like to play.

So he grinds more, massages Jonathan’s shoulders, and gives wet kisses to his neck.

“You can really try to work through me sitting on your lap, but you’ll lose in seconds.”

Evan spoke softly.

Warm breath is felt on his shoulder and through his shirt when Jonathan chuckles. He has his lips pressing firmly onto there while he’s still typing away, entirely ignoring the deprived person who’s working his best to pull some kind of reaction.

Hooking a finger on the collar to give him more space to kiss further down his neck to his shoulder.

“I can get use to this.” Jonathan hums.

The mood of wanting to be extra seductive suddenly dawned on him, with the position he’s at, in this situation and lighting it enhances that want.

Evan now finds this as fun, he sees this as a game and he takes that challenge since Jonathan wants to be such a hard worker. He can be dedicated too.

He grinds his dick very faintly on Jonathan’s stomach while he slides his lips back up his neck. Effortlessly moan in whispers.

“Mm Jonathan.”

The tapping of the keyboard abruptly stops and goosebumps rise on his lips. Evan smiles.

Jonathan takes a deep breath and lets it out swiftly out his nose.

“Please, just wait for me only a little bit more then I’m all yours okay?”

“Fine do whatever you need to do, I’m not literally holding you back am I?”

Jonathan did one of his ‘ _oh my god’_ along with his chuckles. It was cute and he likes hearing it. It’s nice to be the one to do the teasing and the tempting, it’s kind of weird he’s feeling like this in the first place.

The tapping of the keys resumes and this little mission is getting more challenging than he thought. Jonathan is strong willed today, he really want to get this thing done it appears. But how can he just stand up and leave, it’s too comfy and snug to go back to sleep, he prefers it right here.

“Oh you’ll call me God real soon.”

 Jonathan muffles his laugh against Evan’s clothed shoulder.

“Laugh all you want.”

He maneuvers his hands slowly down Jonathan’s chest and his stomach, then one hand to his waist and the other hand scratching right below his belly button and Jonathan shifts in his seat.

Kisses are felt on his neck, they’re soft, lenient, pliant, and supple. They’re warm, heated, and wet. They travel to the spot behind Evan’s ear and when he moans those kisses stops.

“That’s all you get for now.” Jonathan returns with his work.

Evan whines but all he got was a few smooches to the shoulder. So he went bold and grope Jonathan’s groin, rubbing and kneading.

Jonathan jolts, he groans silently and spreading his legs a little wider. The typing fingers was not accompanying the air with its clicks and clacks anymore, it was full-on silent.

“What are you doing? Keep working.”

“Come on, don’t be cruel to me.”

“Am I? I’m being cruel? You did this to yourself.”

The hand continues kneading and Jonathan grinds into his hand, humming into his shirt.

Evan snickers when he hears stammers of clacking. Fingers hesitating on the keys, they types but then they stop.

He went ahead and scratches Jonathan’s back. Like the puppy he is he loves the back scratches, arches right into his blunt fingernails the moment they made contact, groaning and wriggling to get him to graze that orgasmic spot. It will do the trick.

All Jonathan does is growls his frustration onto his shoulder before biting it. Like the biting is an action that’ll hold him back to prevent him from getting sidetracked from his work. Or maybe to penalize him but either way he benefits from it because he likes it.

Evan began to notice Jonathan’s bouncing his leg to act it as a diversion to the real issue here. Initiating to chomp lightly on his shoulder and he’s sure there’s a saliva patch once Jonathan’s done munching.

He then starts to nibble on Jonathan’s neck and whispers.

“I guess you don’t want me to ride you in your office.”

Jonathan leans back—finally. But he’s just staring through his glasses.

“What? Would you like that very much or would you like a pass?”

“You’re fucking killing me.”

Evan went ahead and takes off the glasses and sets them on the desk behind him.

Jonathan huffs a silent laugh, and there were those eyes, they still shine from the only light source there is is from the monitor, they luster right through them and it’s so entrancing to look at.

He rests his hand on the side of his face and dust the shadowy circles.

“There they are. So pretty those eyes of yours.”

Jonathan smiles. He grabs his hand and holds it.

“Your hand is really soft.”

Fingers rubbing against fingers and they’re so warm he couldn’t help but spare a few seconds and lets Jonathan play with them. Evan hums.

He leans forward to give a kiss to the corner of his mouth then up his cheek.

“I want you. Don’t neglect me.”

“I would never neglect you.”

“Then? Don’t you want to fuck me on this big, over-sized desk of yours, hm?”

Jonathan caught his lips and he guess that’s the deal sealer the moment he said that because hands are circling around his body, pulling him closer. One hand up under his shirt and the other across his ass.

Jonathan parts their kiss. “Where are your briefs?”

He didn’t realize how and when they were gone, probably by the door on the floor somewhere. He tries to look around but they’re nowhere in sight.

How can he lose his briefs he just wore minutes ago without knowing when he took them off. Evan waves that because that doesn’t matter now, at least they’re off and now it’s convenient, he doesn’t need to stand up and lose the skin contact so that’s a plus.

“They’re probably somewhere over there.”

Evan says while waving them off with the flicks of his wrist.

Jonathan quirks one eyebrow with his pushed out bottom lip and shrugs. His eyes are showing he’s aroused just by the fact that he doesn’t know where his briefs went and they’re gone somewhere in the dark abyss of his office. They can’t be seen anywhere.

Both hands doing there stimulations on his skin and his body moves along in those hands, trying to get him to touch at all the places possible, to the places he wants. He might look stupid squirming while straddling but by the look on Jonathan’s face he doesn’t look that silly, the hands are encouraging him, and if Jonathan likes what he’s doing he’ll happily keep doing just that.

“Are you all mine yet?”

Now sitting all bare on his lap, his erection covered by the shirt Jonathan keeps eyeing at whenever he gets the chance. He’s hesitating with his thinking eyes contracting in their sockets and his pupils are blown, Jonathan had already lost in a losing battle with his mind versus his dick.

Twisting in his seat and Evan can see he’s straining in his pajama pants. He leans back in his chair and sighs through his nose.

“I’m all yours.”

“Greaat.” Evan purrs.

Thumbing Jonathan’s head through the slightly damp fabric just teasingly enough for it to twitch in his hand. Jonathan lets out a shaking breath and licks his lips, hands are on his thighs pushing the shirt up when they both rest on his hips. It’s Jonathan’s attempt to get a peek.

“Is that my shirt?”

Evan grins. “Yeah.”

Jonathan grabs his chin as he leans forward.

“I’m so—in love with you.”

Jonathan said it in such a soft, gentle, and velvety tone it hits him quite painfully in the heart. He doesn’t know why it takes Jonathan to say that to make him realize he loves him more, and before he knows it his eyes are getting teary all from that voice just because he’s wearing his shirt.

“I’ve worn your shirts before.”

Jonathan smiles lifting one hand to skid up and down his side stopping at his waist making small loving polishing movements with his thumb. Just plainly looking at him with calming and gentle eyes, wearing one those smiles he possesses where it’s only a smile when you have to really look at him to see. It’s so subtle it’s almost not there. As if it’s only for him to see and appreciate.

That look’s giving off the feeling as if he hasn’t seen him for years and he’s finally getting to value this friend of his’s face. Evan was about to say something but Jonathan took in a breath so he halts.

“I know, seeing you like this though—in my favorite shirt, makes you so much sexier and I can’t grasp that right now.. Did I tell you I’m really in love with you already?”

Both Jonathan’s thumbs are rubbing at the same time, his chin and his waist. But the thumb on his chin is one of the gestures he really needs to feel at the moment, makes him feel vulnerable and treasured which he doesn’t get to feel that often, one of his favorite actions to let him feel structured, controlled and anchored. He’s usually the one to be giving and it’s nice to be at the other end.

“Yeah you did. But… I’m _more_ in love with you.”

Evan whispers.

The moment after he has said those words Jonathan’s eyebrows lifts just a touch as if he’s surprised that’s what he chose to respond. The brows tells him Jonathan is taken aback, a bit moved. Jonathan blinks slowly towards him and it kind of makes Evan anxious and a tad fidgety plus with how the way he’s looking at him.

Evan bites his lips together. Waiting.

“No no no that’s not poss—.”

_How can it not be possible? I love you so much more._

He licks between Jonathan’s lips while mildly sucking them, to silence them, because he misses his kisses. He hasn’t gotten a kiss since he entered the office and it feels so comforting the moment his mouth touches his. The sensation of Jonathan’s soft damp lips covering his own it feels just like home.

Jonathan immediately cups the side of his jaw and pulls him in. He opens his mouth for Evan to seize over as he leans forward to deepen their kiss but Evan pushes him back, till his back rests comfortably against the seat.

Hands sliding down Jonathan’s torso till they clasp at the hem of his pajamas pants and pull till Jonathan raises his hips to draw the erection free. Both hands grabs at Evan’s ass signaling he wants to get themselves in a better position, for Jonathan to be able to spread his legs a little wider and him seated rather closer.

Evan knows Jonathan’s legs aren’t numb because he has his feet fixed on the ground, he can elevate himself to make him lighter and put less strain on Jonathan’s limbs. Good thing the chair has no armrests it’s just a regular wooden chair with a pillow as padding.

Evan has offered to get Jonathan a new, more comfortable office chair but he declines, insisting this chair is the one he prefers. And now Evan’s starting to fancy this chair even though he has said this chair is for grandpas only.

They’re actually convenient, sturdy, and fitting.

Stroking both their erections in hand Evan presses himself on Jonathan so his back is fully rested, he knows Jonathan wants to intensify their kiss that’s why he keeps on asserting out of his seat, but Evan wants to be the one deepening the kiss, he wants the power—still.

Guess old habits die hard.

The softness of Jonathan’s tongue is impeccable, it hits all the right buttons. Everything is so easy and smooth, give him these kisses and he’ll be set for life.

The sensations all around his body is heightened and intensified with the sounds of wet lips and tongues. The faint squeak of the chair to the groans and moans from Jonathan’s lungs. The bliss from their erections gliding against each other in his hand as he strokes them sluggishly and tight.

They’re taking this session slow, he wants to relish and appreciate this moment since it’s been a while Evan has done this.

Jonathan rocks him slowly, thrusting his hips because Evan knows he wants it faster. He’s been trying to make their kiss quicker and wilder but Jonathan doesn’t get that luxury this night. Evan’s going to get what he wants and he’ll get it. Jonathan got more than enough granted wishes.

Whenever Jonathan tries to quicken their kiss Evan stops the work of his tongue, going completely lax till Jonathan calms himself, _then_ he’ll return to give him licks again. He smiles when Jonathan growls in frustration as to biting his bottom lip, it was a bit raw but he likes that.

He lets him thrusts upward but he couldn’t do much with him in his lap, Jonathan can only do it somewhat incompletely and it’s cute to see him struggle, getting a little squirmish, legs brawling and fidgeting, sometimes bouncing and a little of stomping wishing for the strokes to be faster.

The grips on his ass is tight and almost painful, _almost._ But still, he likes that.

Evan knows this is torture for Jonathan and he’s a proud sadist if he have to term it. Evan finds it rather fun and enjoyable—but only to Jonathan.

Seeing him just loses control and whines when he doesn’t get what he wants is pure adorableness to him, Evan doesn’t get intimidated one bit. Again it’s something about his eyes, they’re incredibly expressive and Evan doesn’t have a hint on how he’s able to do that.

Jonathan growls when his requests are unheard and he turns the table by doing the things to make Evan weak. But it’s not going to take a toll on him, he’s not going to let it affect him. Evan has made a mental note to stay strong if or when that happens, he’ll know what to do.

Jonathan grabs his chin again and detach their lips. Evan takes the time to open his eyes because he can basically see Jonathan’s expression behind his lids. All he could hear are them catching their breaths, feeling warm air on his face, the grasp on his ass loosens and there comes the sting and burn so he moans instead of hisses.

Hearing Jonathan intake a harsh breath, with his eyes still closed he can see his expression vividly and with his sore lips, he smiles.

“You having fun? Huh?”

His voice is sturdy, serious, and rough, a bit of sarcasm. The amusement lets his eyes open to see Jonathan’s intense and sharp gaze staring back at him. Its stupid sexy and for a moment there Evan forgot what’s his question to him was.

_Oh right._

“What. You said it yourself, you’re all mine. That means I can do whatever I want to you.”

The thumb on his chin moves to his bottom lip and pushes, so Evan gives it a kiss till that kiss turns to a lick and ended up him sucking on Jonathan’s thumb. With that Evan decided to fasten the stroking pace and Jonathan tilts his head to the chair and groans.

With the building heat between them the sweat from his thighs are sliding to Jonathan’s and he’s kind of slipping between his legs, but if it’s not for this chair this position couldn’t be possible he has his feet on the ground to keep this posture.

Evan’s starting to approve this chair as the holy chair.

Toying with Jonathan’s thumb with his tongue he looks at him biting his lip and furrowing his brows. _He_ formed that look to be shown, with that neck extended just for him to lean in and bite, that sweat gliding for him to lick. Those collarbones peeking out to be kissed and everything else he can do to them with his mouth.

Evan slides his hand up Jonathan’s shirt to tell him he wants them off, they’re another obstacle to block him from his full view. Both his hands removes Jonathan’s shirt when he ignores his hint, too busy being in bliss.

Another one of his favorite shirts, _both_ their favorites in fact. Why, is because how they make his body look so huggable, they always make Evan having the need to constantly touch him, to be in contact with. How they contour with his body with every move he makes given by how loose it is but still sensuous.

They’re always laced with his own aroma almost immediately after he puts it on and Evan always come flocking towards him, he just couldn’t get enough of the most familiar scent he’s surrounded each day. A day without it is an itch that can’t be scratched.

Jonathan slips his thumb out his mouth for Evan to lift his shirt and to be flung across the room. Running his hands down Jonathan’s torso and stood up to push his pants completely down, he was waiting for him to fling the pants but Evan guess he prefer it around one of his ankles.

His fingers preparing to take off his own shirt but hands stops him.

“No. Keep it on.”

It’s blue, typical, a static-y kind of design. It’s faint of being too over-washed where the color’s already dull with the cracking Marvel logo in the middle which the both of them refuse to throw away. How could they when it’s something that holds history and comfort, you grow attached to it even when they’re torn or even have holes, you make excuses to still keep it.

Evan stifles his chuckles by biting his lip, slightly shaking his head because he forgot, of course Jonathan would say that. That’s what he would want and Evan already knew before he needed to say it. The eagerness and anticipation took over his train of thought.

The request to have Jonathan’s shirt remain on him for his personal stimulating reasons makes Evan blush just a bit. But that’s not the only cause, it’s also the way he’s looking at him that makes him clueless as to what to do with his _own_ eyes.

But he keeps the eye contact, occasionally looking down once in a few seconds. Jonathan manages to cut down his supremacy and dominance streak just a bar, maybe a few bars. 

Evan enjoys the prospect in front of him, stomach rising and dropping from his heavy breathing. They tighten when he feathers the little fuzzes with the tips of his fingers, goosebumps rises on his thighs every second his digits goes lower till they’re seen everywhere else.

Jonathan sighs, he doesn’t say a word.

Evan leans to kiss the extended neck all stretched out towards him for some care. Hands keeps their place on Jonathan’s chest while he gets comfortable in this warm office space. A place that smells like newly opened books, freshly cut wood, _him_.

Sometimes he finds himself sauntering in Jonathan’s office on certain random days for a quick nap. He has a weird cushioned looking lawn chair he bought out on a private Black Friday furniture sale, even though it was on sale, Jonathan had an earful by how expensive the chair was. But he got what he paid for because that’s the best chair he’s ever laid on, he falls asleep in an instant the moment his body molds to that chair. Evan calls it the Rock A Bye Baby even when the chair doesn’t rock.

The chair is big enough for the two of them when Jonathan would come home and lays with him.

The office is also a quiet place to get his work done, the aroma of the room keeps him concentrated and focused. Evan borrows Jonathan’s desk because it’s huge for a regular office desk, he can have his own pile of work papers and section to work in. It’s more of a dining table, it _could_ be if they let it.

Jonathan thinks he’s a giant to buy almost everything in bulk and super-sized. Maybe their house is just too big for the two of them, but he doesn’t mind. Jonathan likes to decorate the house, his secret hobby is furniture shopping so Evan lets him go all out with decorating everything. It’s a blessing they have the same taste and he doesn’t mind if Jonathan spends a fortune on a chair as long as he’s happy.

Evan comes in there to finish some of his readings when he gets the time. Jonathan says it’s _their_ office and not only his, Evan thought otherwise. Jonathan is the one who put the place together and he’s the person who organized everything and made the perfect office any man can ask. He couldn’t help but see the office as Jonathan’s.

He doesn’t want to stay in there for too long and actually make it _their_ office like they’re supposed to, Evan doesn’t want to say his real intentions as to why he doesn’t do all of his work in there.

The reason is he want that room to be his sanctuary to come to when he’s stress, because of Jonathan’s scent. He’s hit with a serenity every time he walks in. The fragrance just takes him to peace and tranquility. A place to visit when he misses Jonathan, he couldn’t taint all of that aroma with his own, he can get that in their bedroom.

For some reasons the scent of it gets all of his things done nice and comfortably. It’s certainly a calming and soothing smell of it that gets him at peace. As tacky as it sounds it’s true to his words.

Evan buries his nose to the curve of Jonathan’s neck to get where the scent is coming off the strongest and he takes it in. There’s a hint of his aftershave and shampoo from the early morning which he always misses a chance to see.

Jonathan’s the early morning riser and he’s the noon riser.

“You better do something I’m throbbing over here.”

Breaking him out of his spell, Evan forgets. Both their dicks are being disregarded and neglected. All the contact they had were them sliding against each other with the help of Jonathan’s minor thrusts so he kisses Jonathan’s shoulder and neck as an apology.

He groans when Evan wraps his fingers back around both of their erections and Jonathan’s hands slides up and down his torso then to his thighs.

Fingers cunningly slithers their way to his ass then to his entry. Softly pressing and circling at the spot and Evan gets the tipoff Jonathan is telling him they’re ready.

“Lube?”

“In there, s-s-second drawer.” Jonathan points with his eyes.

Evan giggles.

“I got you stuttering now? This soon?”

Jonathan sniggers, blushing a little bit as he cocks his head to the side.

“You know I do that when I’m excited come on.”

Jonathan sticks his tongue out and licks his fingers and went on to massage Evan’s hole while quarterly inserting them inside. He knows Jonathan’s trying to cheeky.

“We’ll see who’s going to be stuttering in a moment.”

Evan turns and goes for the drawers. Wasting no time on prepping Jonathan’s dick while his fingers are doing the same to his entrance.

It’s been a while but Jonathan knows where he likes it, Evan tries to relax and ease from the pressure and the compression were kind of overwhelming and he aims to even out his breathing because he know holding breaths won’t make the progress go any faster.

Evan knows Jonathan won’t go any further until he’s sure he won’t be in pain no matter how many times he would tell Jonathan he was fine. It was good the moment the finger is in, it’s just he’s a bit too tight.

“You’re doing so good for me.”

Words of praises always does the trick for him. For _them_.

But there’s the voice which comes with the praises that makes him feel the sincere admirations and approvals because he _wants_ to do good for Jonathan, he wants to please him like he has always done for him. So he took lessons from Jonathan and learn from his techniques.

The voice sends him shivers and plus gives him strength. It makes him a different person nobody else has seen. The only sound of praise he would rather listen to.

With the pulsating prodding from gentle to rough the sensation of feeling good is taking him to the starting point, he’s ready.

Evan pours another stream of lube onto Jonathan just for good measures while stroking him.

He’s about to lift himself then suddenly the fingers forcefully push on his prostate and he almost fell by how powerful the rush of sensation torrent through his body, he leans forward to grab Jonathan’s thighs for balance while all he could do is arch his back.

Evan felt like crying by how much he wanted to cum and almost did but kept it in.

“Oh fuck.”

He starts whining when Jonathan’s fingers didn’t stop, he’s pushing too hard and there’s a limit on how much he can hold. Evan grabs Jonathan’s wrist to stop but he’s still shoving on that same spot and he’s going to lose his mind.

Evan tries to lift himself off his fingers but Jonathan’s other hand on his waist pushes him back down and it was a big mistake he ever made with that attempt in the first place, the fire hits him twice as hard.

“E-enough. I-I’m going to c-cum.”

The fingers stops.

“Look who’s stuttering now.”

Evan swallows as he catches his breath.

A sinister looking expression spawned on Jonathan’s face, the confident and poised Jonathan is his favorite Jonathan.

The leading and controlling Jonathan gets the best of him in a spark. With the way he’s presenting himself in front of him gets him thinking, he was the straightest guy he knows. For his whole life he thought he prefers the opposite sex and just that. Never would Evan would’ve thought he would fall in love with a man other than liking taking a dick up his ass, but a specific type of dick. Just one.

Evan thought he can only lust over females only, he was good at getting them it was his talent almost to get them at the tip of finger with a quick snap. He never thought he could ever do or feel the same with the same sex, it was weird and kind of gross to him, till he met Jonathan. Everything changes—he loves a man for the first time.

Evan gave Jonathan a few more strokes as he brings it into line and drops himself slowly.

They groan in unison as it goes in, Evan knows it’s cliché but it’s one of the best feeling, sending Jonathan and himself pleasure literally in his control is empowering.

Breathing heavily out his mouth helps with loosening and relaxing the uncontrollable clench which makes it tougher for him to go any lower.

Jonathan starts to kiss his neck up to his jawline and across his chin all while caressing his thighs tenderly to try to calm his tense muscle. Jonathan recognizes it’s been a while so his body isn’t quite use to foreign objects going up something in a backward process.

“Relax, breathe, take your time don’t rush.”

Evan tries to do what Jonathan does when he would take him in. With the same advice _he_ would give him and it’s suddenly easier to take it all the way in more smoothly and swiftly.

“That’s it. _Fuck._ ” Jonathan moans lowly.

Evan hums once he’s altogether seated and his body lets him ride comfortably and easily till it starts feeling good in an instant, it shocks him by how fast the pleasure hits so soon.

_No wonder._

Jonathan’s hands guides his movement with its hold on his ass and he does it how Jonathan wants it, he moans his name, he curses into the air, he arcs his neck. He grips Jonathan’s thighs, chest, shoulders, and hair. He gives scratches down his back, he bites his neck to his lips. However Jonathan would like it he does it.

Unable to control his voice once he rides quicker and rougher Evan conceals his expressions by leaning against Jonathan while suppresses the sobs he’s creating by covering his mouth with the front of his hand.

The blissful pleasure was too much when it grazes his prostate Evan disregard the tears his eyes are holding while he grits them shut. Shaking unbearably as his lower back and thighs are starting to burn but he ignores it, chasing after the gratifying indulgence as he locates to the spot he needs.

Evan knows he’s clutching the tip of Jonathan’s shoulder painfully tight but he feels the moment he loosens that grips he’ll fall, not literally but emotionally. He needs anchor and he knows Jonathan understands because he does the same to _him_ if not stronger. The pain is good with the lusty exhilaration.

With the intense heat he’s giving off, the shirt is absolute soaked with sweat and the obstacle as the fabric makes him a lot warmer than he likes. With it rubbing on his head every time he bounce as a teaser, he doesn’t mind all that much.

He rests his head on top of Jonathan’s when the lips presses kisses on his neck and it overwhelms him immensely. To his weak spot too and it makes him a mess.

The hand on his mouth doesn’t work well to reduce his shouts and whimpers. Almost driving him insane with the bottled up wails of ecstasy.

_Fuck I can’t._

“You better take that hand off that mouth or I’ll make you, you know better.”

Jonathan pants against his neck.

“Jonathan….but the neighbors.” He mumbles.

“They’re not going to hear anything, everything’s closed and it’s late they’re asleep.”

He shouldn’t have a reason to care about the neighbors, but it’s a bit embarrassing and awkward since he usually would see them everyday at any time of day. Them hearing or not it makes him uneasy just from the thought of them knowing he got fucked wildly late at night. Evan like things private.

Jonathan on the other hand doesn’t care. He shouts and expresses all he wants, then the next morning if he bumps into the neighbors he take it as a brag and gives out a boasting vibe with it.

Not sure if they even hear at _all_ because their house is decently spaced out far enough for each and everyone’s own privacies, maybe he’s just being paranoid and all the claims of him being too loud is only in his head. Maybe the sounds they make aren’t even that hearable in the first place.

“…Please.”

That word slips from Evan’s lips without his acknowledgement. Evan doesn’t even know what the purpose of that word is, he doesn’t know what he wants to even say that. What is Jonathan going to do when he hears that little plea? So many questions.

Jonathan took his hand from his mouth and places them at the back of his neck as he stands, catching Evan utterly off guard while being in his arms. The change of angle and position made him flinch as it is still inside him while being laid down onto the marble desk.

Things were falling off, objects rolling around on the floor, items clattering as they descend to their death. He even heard few objects shattering on the wooden flooring which makes Evan concerned but by the look on Jonathan’s face he doesn’t care as much. Probably a pictured frame; nothing that important, right?

The marble was extremely cold on his ass when it touches the edge but it also feels nice under his heated skin, a nice way to cool down.

Now the control is taken from him. Jonathan can do what he pleases, take everything in his own hands and Evan is absolutely under his commands. Completely held and pinned he thanked Jonathan on initiating the change of position because it’s right on the mark of him caving in and crumpling from the outright burn of exhaustion which he’s been going at it for minutes straight.

Him being an athletic and muscular person is fooling everybody because he can’t even physically ride the cum out of Jonathan without subsiding to exhaustion.

Evan thought it was already good until Jonathan pulls his ass off the edge and holds him at the lower back, he goes deeper and that’s the spot that’ll get him off no problem— and soon.

“Ah oh god.”

Evan groans against Jonathan’s arm because the pleasure and the familiar burn is coming too soon in this literal breathtaking position, he doesn’t want it to end so he tries to name all fifty states; not until Jonathan cums first.

_Oregon.. Washington.. Arizona.. Texas.. Nebraska.. Ohio.. Colorado.. Utah—_

“You good?”

“Yeah, too good actually.”

Jonathan touches his face and he slows down.

“If I’m doing something wrong tell me.”

“What? What makes you say that?”

Evan lays his hand on Jonathan’s as a comfort for himself, he’s a little confused and quite worried. Jonathan’s doing all the right things and everything.

“You were… quiet for a little while.”

_Oh my god._

He was too busy naming the states and concentrating so hard not to cum he held his breath, because doing that the states’ names will come to his mind and during that moment no name came to his brain except Jonathan’s.

Evan felt bad to let Jonathan felt he did something wrong to not being able to please him and he felt like such a dick. Jonathan is a selfless kind of person and he puts Evan before him, he take cares of Evan first and worry about himself later. Sometimes he’s cruel to other people, acts like an idiot sometimes but he’s a soft, emotional, expressive and passionate human being.

Evan knows Jonathan’s sensitive and he worries a lot. He takes little things to mind and it’s stuck there for weeks, months till he gives in and opens up on his own time. Jonathan’s careful around him and Evan’s careful _with_ him.

But it’s the sweetest kind of carefulness Jonathan would be with him, even though Evan would be the one to naturally stride to care for him, Jonathan is nurturing while couldn’t help but be cautious around him. One of his flaws he would say but Evan doesn’t think so, it’s how he is. Jonathan cares.

“No you didn’t do anything wrong, I was trying to name the states so I wouldn’t cum so soon that’s it. You’re doing all the right things that’s why.”

Jonathan laughs mutedly and hovers his mouth against his neck.

“I can make you cum again.”

“I know you can but I’ll be drained when we’re done and all I want to do is sleep in bed with you after this.”

“Okay.” Jonathan whispers.

“I just didn’t want to cum so soon, I was so close.”

“Okay… stop naming states I want to hear you, if you don’t want to cum so soon don’t touch your dick.”

“Wasn’t going to, but I need you to touch me anywhere else.”

Jonathan nods and gives a kiss to his neck.

Evan gasps when they’re back in motion and it’s breathtakingly overwhelming. He starts stuttering like Jonathan said he would, muttering god’s name along with Jonathan’s. Groaning while his lip’s bitten, whining when Jonathan’s just barely teasing his prostate and it feels good to let his voice out.

He grips Jonathan’s arm when his legs are hoisted—and it gets deeper.

“Fuck holy.”

Evan takes _this_ is the position that’ll end the both of them but mostly him first.

Jonathan hums against his jaw and Evan knows behind that reason is because his nails’ scraping down his arms. Even though he wants to spare Jonathan the stinging trail of passion he couldn’t stop, the feeling of his skin feels good on the ends of his nails. The hugging and the grasping doesn’t suffice compare to the clawing, he needs to inflict something.

“Faster…”

“I thought you didn’t want to cum so soon.”

“I won’t—please.”

The pace is nearby wanton and Evan guesses he’s wrong yet again. There’s something about the position that just hits the spot faultlessly. This ability Jonathan has is seamlessly flawless.

The blaze starts to build and Evan hurriedly tries to divert himself without naming states this time.

“This table… is really sturdy… where’d you get it?”

Jonathan huffs.

“Really?”

“Bet it’s… at a…private location… for this… good quality.”

Making sense with the sentence was an achievement but now he’s rambling and Jonathan knows; he always knows.

His legs are trembling, voice is shaky, his back is shuddering and he doesn’t know what to do with his hands but wound Jonathan’s unblemished body.

Everything’s quaking under him. The pens and pencils, the stapler, even the desk lamp. The folders, paper clip cabinets, and the remotes for the TV, projector, blinds, and lights. His hearing must be heightened because this table takes a lot for it to shake and wobble, or maybe Evan made himself another diversion.

“You should bottom more.” Jonathan says with breathless puffs.

“I know. I should.”

Then Jonathan’s lips are drinking in his and all he can center on is how they feel and how they work. Pulling and drawing him to another dimension which he can’t escape out of, not that he would ever want to break away, it’ll either end things too fast or starts things too soon. Kisses with him are always like that.

It tugs him to an overwhelming tempest of affection, making him selfish to want Jonathan to himself and his alone.

Unable to avert the need to release. Jonathan’s tongue is doing their wonder and that intense fuzz in his brain is a hurricane all he could see behind his lids are the space and stars. The delicious burn in his lower half continues to build so he grips the edge of the desk for the deep orgasm he’s about to have—without touching himself.

It’s arriving fast and he needs to tell Jonathan, or maybe he already knew.

“Closeclose.”

“Do it.”

Evan shakes his head. Trying to catch his breath as best as possible he doesn’t want to choke from lack of air other than try to speak cohesive words.

“Are you?”

“Pretty close but not yet.”

“I need you—to cum first.”

Now it’s Jonathan’s turn to shake his head.

“I can’t unless I see you first you know that.”

Evan couldn’t argue with that. For the reason is, he already knew and Evan couldn’t say anything more because he’s way too close to huff one more word. Evan knows what Jonathan’s doing and he has to get his way.

Jonathan does it instantly well he has to drop his case.

Breaths becomes shallow from his lungs, doing his best to perform the proper breathing rhythm as the surge is coming in strong ripples.

Evan arcs against Jonathan, gripping the edge and he can tell this is going to be a strong one. He bites his lip and thank Jonathan for being a champ to still handhold his lower back in position. It takes him there thanks to that arm and strength.

“Jon—”

The jolt was strong once he finally settles to let go. Evan closes his eyes to float through his powerful orgasm while he hums midair. Evan found holding his breath is the best way for him to really _feel_ the blissful storm surging through him, to make it last a little bit longer and it does as long as Jonathan’s keep thrusting the way he does.

He strokes Jonathan’s hair as _he_ cums, listening to his curses being muttered into his neck and it’s the best feeling he has had his entire day.

“You good?” They both said jointly.

Typical. It’s a habit, usually he’s the one to say that to Jonathan as he was almost always the top. He guess Jonathan adapted that habit of his. That’s very funny.

“You imitating me?”

Jonathan chuckles before he lifts his head and Evan couldn’t resist to wipe his sweaty face with his thumbs. He looks so endearing with his flushed face and even more attractive with his sweat running down his hairline, breathing sweet raspberry scent into his face coming from the rosy, full lips.

Yet again Evan is in a spell taking in Jonathan’s face, taking an image snapshot of this specific appearance. Then those lips morphs in a smile and he snaps back.

“I’m not as pretty as you.”

Jonathan says in a deep, hoarse and gravelly voice of his. He almost believed him because the beauty Jonathan holds, he can’t compare himself to that. That’s another level.

Evan lightly shakes his head in disagreement but he doesn’t vocalize it knowing Jonathan will debate till end to prove his outlook is right. Why bother reasoning back and forth like teenagers, competing with each other on who can out-compliment the other on whose better.

When he can kiss the determine lips just a few inches apart.

Evan pulls Jonathan’s face down to taste and drink in the soft and pliable mouth.

He doesn’t know how Jonathan manages to always taste like a hint of raspberry, the aftertaste sticks to his palettes and it dances with the sweetness it has.

“When I say you taste good I mean literally. How do you always taste like raspberries?”

The million dollar question stated against his lips.

He smiles.

Jonathan looks around and grabs something not far from reach, puts the square item to his line of view but Evan has to squint from the lack of lighting in the room and there he sees it, the star behind his addiction for Jonathan’s lips.

_Orbit raspberry mint._

“Oh.”

“They’re my favorite flavor for years, well since I met you.”

“Keep chewing that and I’ll love you forever.”

“That’s nice, everlasting love just from chewing gums.”

He pulls Jonathan down again for another kiss. Swiping his still sweaty cheeks then suddenly he realize he didn’t notice when Jonathan pulled out without him having a slightest clue. That’s skills.

“They’re my favorite because they’re yours. I fell in love with it because it’s you. Whatever is your favorite I love.”

Jonathan begins to comb back Evan’s hair. Detangling and untangling with his gentle fingers, it feels good on his scalp and the sleepiness is kicking in. He’s one of those people who loves their hair getting played with, resulting him becoming a cat whenever Jonathan’s fingers touches his head. It’s something about those hands of his. Just like magic.

“Then I’m my favorite person in this whole world.”

“Then I love you in this entire world.”

_Cute._

He would purr if he could but instead he hums into the comfort of Jonathan’s warm fingers and palm. Evan’s lips twitches into a grin when Jonathan kisses his palm and it tickles with his slight scruff, he smiles when hot breath fans his forehead before warm lips press against it, while the fingers work their charms in taking him to dreamland.

The fatigue drains into him and Evan’s starting to feel the weariness is taking over him, his blinking starts to become slow and measured from the soothing and consoling digits.

Evan intertwines his fingers around the back of Jonathan’s neck, not before long he wraps his arms around his lower spine and Evan knows he’s taking him to bed seeing he’s about to fall asleep cold on this hard marble desk.

“Mm wait.”

It felt almost as if he took a whole lot of energy to get himself to say a word. When you’re about to fall asleep the brain just wants to shut off and take the rest of the day off, but telling your body to deny that luxury it feels strenuous to the individual.

Jonathan leans back to look at him and Evan can tell he’s tired himself. His body is finally recognizing its true exhaustion his owner’s tries to deny. Eyes are drooping with its laggy blinking, so he’ll make it quick.

“Happy one year anniversary.”

Evan says groggily, smiling when he sees Jonathan’s eyes widen just a speck. A little bit more awake.

“What, its midnight already?”

Jonathan turns to look at the time on his monitor.

“It’s four in the morning.”

“Oh damn time went by fast.”

Jonathan stamps a few kisses to his lips, smiling and chuckling with that giddy vibe he possesses so Evan couldn’t help but mimic after him.

“Happy one year anniversary, and many more years to come.” Jonathan whispers.

“Cheers.”

“And another thing. Can we have another anniversary sex later in the day? Seeing you like this I can’t have it just once a day.”

Continuing to comb through his hair, Evan huffs a hushed laugh because that’s all he can manages. Those fingers can coax him to do anything basically.

“Okay.”

And then he was on air, back exposed to the cool air. That’s the last thing he could remember when he woke at noon to the smell of food.

 

 

 

 

|||

 

 

 

 

“….gentlemen please return to your seat and fasten your seatbelt, we are experiencing some minor turbulence…”

_Are you fucking serious?_

Evan roughly rubs his face out of frustration. That was just a dream out of memory.

He feels so hurt inside, it’s painful right in his gut. Excruciating, one of the most aching memory that can be thrown at him. It’s burning and agonizing enough to make him want to cry right where he’s at—still on the plane.

One of the most pathetic thing a man can experience in life is having the urge to cry _and_ donning a furious boner at the same time.

_So pathetic._

Evan plans a strategic idea to walk tactfully to the laboratory, thanking the lord the lights in the plane are still off and everyone’s asleep, so that means there won’t be as many people that’ll be using the bathroom. So he’s almost golden.

He has to hide his erection till he’s in the confide container, then he’ll be safe to handle his distress and sorrow. He’ll probably cry before he can reach the laboratory, that he can be sure of.

Looking towards Adeline and she’s deep asleep against his shoulder. That’s going to be a challenge to get up without her finding out his issue and need. The last thing he would want is for her to offer him to be in the mile high club. That’ll be more of a problem than a solution.

Feeling like a complete dickhead to even be in this situation. Even though it’s out of his control, everything relating to this issue is his fault.

Evan is angry at himself, annoyed with his mind as to how weak he is. Unable to do anything right, enough to feel he doesn’t deserve a thing on this earth.

He’s fuming, heated to the point he wants to punch something hard to break all his knuckles and fingers for the piercing pain. That’ll satisfy him as a petty punishment.

That’s the pain from regret and shame.

Evan already has his jacket on his lap in check, when he gets up the jacket is his protector for his trip to the bathroom once he can tie it swiftly around his waist. He sincerely hopes Adeline won’t catch his motive because he couldn’t think of an excuse fast enough to save them both the awkward tension.

He lifts her head as gently as possible and she shifts therefore Evan froze instantly. She straightens up in her seat, cracking one her eyes open to see Evan standing the aisle looking down at her.

“Bathroom?” Adeline mouthed.

Evan nods, she did it back and smiles then he was off.

_Thank god that went smoothly._

Evan doesn’t mean to hide from her as if it’s something she _really_ needs to know. He doesn’t think he’s doing anything bad, it’s just he needs to care of this whole iffy condition by himself and sort his mind out before he can endure through the upcoming battle. The war of emotions he’s about to face in a few hours.

What if Evan does tell her? This erection wasn’t formed because of her but another person; a man. What will her expression look like? What will she think?

Thinking of the thought makes him shrink. One day she’ll know.

 

Evan wouldn’t think he would find relief from rubbing his junk. It feels—good. To think about him.

It _feels_ right, almost necessary given the fact the plane is landing in twenty-five minutes. He might as well because it’s fast and convenient.

To say ‘ _Jonathan’_ out of his lips gives it a little enhancement to the finish line, that tiny spark, and at this moment Evan doesn’t care about his morals. What’s right or wrong. What he’s doing. What he’s thinking. None of that matter while he’s in this diminutive cubicle.

_Jonathan._

The grip is never too strong on the steering as Evan drives the two of them to the cabin. The power hold isn’t from just the tension, anxiety, and nervousness it’s also from the severe amount of sweat in his hand, trying his best to not slip from the wheel. No matter how many times he wipes them on his jeans the moisture comes back twice as fast and his heart can’t calm down with how many countless deep breaths he takes.

Evan feels nauseous. The world is fading and he’s driving to his fatality. His downfall. Thinking how did he agreed to this, it was already a bad idea the first thing he heard it.

But Evan wanted deep down to see him again. If he has to be honest with himself, he really misses him.

He secretly wish to mend their relationship, even just a bit where they could stay in contact. To talk to each other, go back to when they first met, how they would be dreadfully awkward together. Hopefully become friends again.

But both of them knows that’s never going to happened.

 

Adeline can tell he’s very edgy and panicky so she squeezes his thigh as a reassurance. She doesn’t know he’s acting this way because he’s about to meet his ex-also first love which he still has strong feelings for. She assumes he’s this way because he just haven’t seen his friends in years.

“You’re fine, let’s just have fun, plain old fun.”

Evan gave her a grateful smile as he squeezes her hand to ease her nerves, because it’s not only him that’s tense and nervous. She has never met them and she knows these people are the most important people in his life, Evan understands for her to want to feel accepted by them.

He was being self-centered to completely forget how Adeline feels. She must’ve been extremely on edge the entire time and Evan didn’t seem to notice until now. Adeline must be three times as tense as him, he already knew them but she’s a fresh face to them and he tells himself he’ll be there for her when she needs him.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be nervous. I’ll be here for you okay? There are reasons why I like you so they’ll absolutely love you, don’t worry. If they bully you I’ll beat their asses.”

Adeline laughs and it’s nice to hear that from her, it eases the nerves a little bit. Her laugh has a kind and calming tune to it so he’s glad he said that.

“I think they’ll dislike me if you would actually do that. I know you’re just joking but don’t protect me, I can handle it I’m a big girl. Just have fun with your friends and I’ll have fun too.”

Evan kisses her hand. What she said made him rethink what an incredible woman she is. She deserves the world if not better, she doesn’t deserve a person like him who would treat her like this.

He wants to try and do his best to cast away the unrequited feelings, the one-sided emotions towards Jonathan because he should _too_ move on. He wants to grab whatever sentiment he has and physically throw them away because they’re not welcome anymore… but he can’t.

Evan’s tired of fighting back feelings whenever they resurfaced, drained of pushing back the thoughts of everything about him. Worn-out of the lingering memories that refuses to fade, always coming to haunt him in dreams whenever he forgets.

Years of friendship, turns to blossomed feelings, creates a first love, then spirals to being lovers.

There were a lot of hardships they faced together to finally accept how they really are and how they felt towards each other. No matter how difficult he tried to refute everything the truth will always come back. They were truthfully happy beside each other, it was pure exhilaration with every second with that person. You don’t just forget someone like that, a person who was your whole world.

Evan truly does love Adeline, she holds a very special place in his heart which no other woman can ever hold. She’s special, even more than special she’s unique and rare. Everything she does makes his heart hurdles with adoration. Adeline makes him feel like a living, breathing human again, a person who can feel once more and that isn’t a simple gift anyone can hold, it’s not an easy thing to be able to grant that privilege.

 

They’re getting to the thicker side of the woods and he’s taking in how beautiful nature looks. He was deprived of the real look of trees and wildlife that he feels like a kid again. He’s mostly always in the cities that he forgot to really admire how breathtaking the natural world looks.

“So beautiful!” Adeline groveled.

Everything is full of color every second they drive through and Adeline just awes out the window, being completely lost in her own circle taking in how the sun gleams through the summer leaves sparkling like stained glass. Any cities can’t compare to this.

But Evan on the other hand is knocked with memories. It’s extremely bittersweet. The reminiscences of them as younger boys coming here in the summer and particularly in the winter. So many fond memoirs with just the two of them and the crew.

He especially remembers the mud wrestling, the tire swing by the lake, sneaking alcohol here and there, the barbeques, the late night swims. The late night talks, late night gamings, the Jet Ski races. They would carve on tree barks, and sunbath after their dips. Evan really enjoys getting drunk together because that means he gets to see the goofy side of Jonathan which was always cute to watch.

When they were just two innocent boys with already bloomed companionship, there was already tension back then, or maybe it was just him who caught feelings first.

But Evan doubts he was the only person who felt the blazing butterflies whenever they touched, there was a look in Jonathan’s eyes that holds fire and Evan can already tell. There would be a too-long pause before he looks away and as always a smile curves on Evan’s lips right after, because of the way Jonathan tried to pull it off by clearing his throat and blinks away. It stirred him.

Jonathan’s older than him a few years and he thinks he have to have a sense of responsibility of an older brother that’s why he wouldn’t do anything, not a single initiation. But that’s bullshit they acted more like lovers than siblings.

Would brothers literally sleep together every night in the spacious cabin while “accidentally” holding hands? Would an older brother kiss their little brother’s hand while he thinks he’s asleep? No.

They were never brothers, with their age difference they still treated each other as regular friends would because their mentalities match. It was total bullshit the moment Jonathan said that sentence and he knows it.

‘ _You’re like my little brother and I feel responsible for you.’_

 

Evan silently huff in amusement.

Remembering he was furious, by the fact Jonathan tried to cover it up with a lie and more lies. Trying to deny the best he can because he feels like he have to be the adult one between them.

Those were the good old times.

All of those frustrations and push-and-pull era took place right here, at the cabin.

Behind those small hindrances and bickering, they had plenty of good moments.

The time when he had a fight with his mom he ran away from home and called up the only person he allowed to keep him company and he immediately knew where he would be. They would stay there for a whole month while his parent already knew who he was with since they never called him to check if he was still alive or murdered.

In that month a lot happened.

There were a lot of in-depth talk between them, they grew closer if not already and in a different kind of close. Jonathan stopped running away when Evan started to push the boundaries so many small things happened that mattered and he knows their alone time at the cabin took a huge part of the alteration.

Jonathan back-hugged him in the morning while he was making breakfast happened. His first kiss on the shoulder happened as were gifted by Jonathan but that was it for a couple of days because he guesses things were a little too heated after that kiss on the neck and the noise at the back of his throat came out, so it kind of freaked Jonathan out a bit. He held back.

The intimacy returns when he accidently caught a falling kitchen knife. He was dumb in the first place to catch a knife which he was absolutely sure he was going to grab the handle but he was wrong. Jonathan freaked out, scrambling around the place like the house is on fire for the first-aid kit then drags him to the bathroom to clean up the gash when Evan insisted he was fine but truthfully it made his whole arm in pain.

He tried to stay calm for Jonathan because he hates blood. It was the first time Evan had seen Jonathan so frightened, so alarmed he didn’t react a bit to the blood dripping on the wooden floor. The look of Jonathan so concentrated and gentle it made his core ached, that moment he wanted to steal a kiss so bad.

Jonathan scolded him with his soft, worried tone and Evan couldn’t bicker back so he stayed obediently silent while leaning on the bathroom counter with the grip he has on Evan’s wrist was unbreakable. By the end of the day he got a kiss on his bandaged wound. Jonathan took care of the hand ever so caringly.

 

Evan looks at the faint scar in his palm and it suddenly jolted with a sharp pain.

A confession happened. That one was unintended and it slipped out, completely unromantic and awkward—and drunk.

_‘I fucken’ like you a lot you bitch, you don’t even know… how I feel you fucker. I’m going to wait for you no matter how long even if you like it or not. You will kiss me one day, I promise.’_

‘ _You don’t even know what you’re talking about you pre-alcoholic.’_

 

Evan chuckles.

“What’s so funny?”

Pulling back to reality, he was reminiscing too deep.

He shakes his head. “Just childhood memories that’s all.”

“I bet it was really fun huh? I wish I knew you back then.”

What if he _did_ knew Adeline? Would things change?

“It’ll be a lot different I’ll tell you that.”

The prickle in his palm was throbbing ever since he thought of that accident and it brings him back again, to Jonathan checking it every day, demanded him to go to the hospital in case it was infected but it was fine. He always nuts out over nothing.

Evan remembers him faking-in-pain for Jonathan to press a kiss to it on no choice. But it always makes it better, the throbbing twinge stopped. It was endearing how Jonathan would freak even though he knew it wasn’t from real pain, it would sting once in a while when it gets cold. Some days Jonathan would randomly grab his hand to examine them even when it’s already healed, because of the cold weather he still pressed a random kiss.

Jonathan also got a scar during their times in the woods, right on the left side of his neck. He fell down a plateau as he rolled through a slope, by the time Evan got to him he was already unconscious with a tear in his neck and he thought Jonathan’s throat was slit and he was dead, but his pulse was still beating so he carried him back to the cabin.

Later he found out it was a cut by a branch and Jonathan insisted he was fine with a minor bump on the head. Jonathan doesn’t want attention, he especially doesn’t want people to worry that’s why he never went to the hospital. Evan blamed himself for making them hike in the early morning for exercise, it was his fault Jonathan pulled him to the side for safety when he stepped on a mudslide.

Evan remembered he cried, a lot. Thinking he’ll lose him while pressing on the wound as if blood was squirting out and apparently it was too dramatic because his actions made Jonathan laugh. He thought he’d went mad before taking his last breath to die on the floor but he never did, just continued laughing. Why? Because it was the time Evan said _I love you don’t die._

After that Evan awkwardly wallow to find the med-kit. Alcohol, antibiotic cream, bandages, ice packs and painkillers Jonathan looked like he got into a marginal motorbike accident while lying in bed, looking so helpless compared to his healthy and active self. He felt extremely guilty and blameworthy but Jonathan held his hand and told him _it’s okay._

Karma took its turn on him, he freaks when Jonathan becomes more loopy than his regular self, thinking that bump on the head is coming to effect. Groaning and moaning in discomfort to make him baby him but Evan doesn’t mind, it was cute when he would act needy.

A lot has happened in that one month.

They both treated each other with care after the whole incident. Being protective of each other, kind of possessive even. He guessed they really dislike the other’s blood spilling out of them, that means they’re in pain, it means they might lose the other. They couldn’t afford to fail each other.

Evan takes care of Jonathan when it’s necessary, with small gestures as in asking if he’d eaten yet to caring for him when he’s sick and Jonathan would do the same for him. That, and numerous spontaneous flirting.

They had that kind of relationship and it became so casual without them being platonic. But Evan didn’t want only that he wanted more, he wanted the contact and the whole physical package. So he waited and fought.

Thinking back he was pretty ambitious going after an older guy without even knowing it. Being guiltless at first till it grew to be a guilty pleasure.

 

The cabin will be a dark place for the both of them more than the crew’s but it would hurt him the most, then again who is he to think who’ll hurt more. That’s what they’re going back to—their history.

“Oh wow we’re here! It’s so lavish.”

It still look the same only the renewal gloss paint is newer on the wood, makes it appear brand new rather than a vintage kind of feel to it. But Evan’s glad it looks the way it does, takes away _some_ kind of history to it. Makes him feel this is a different cabin he’ll be staying at other than the recollections he created in that house.

The vast pine trees are trimmed and more flowers are planted around the back and front porch deck. More lights are installed on the outside walls and on the ground. Someone has done a lot of renovation to this cabin, someone got a lot of time on their hands. There are only four owners, the parents, the sister and the son. He wonders who.

Someone built a fence around the side of the three floor house where he sees a dog house and the dog himself—Quentin.

Of course it would be him to redo the house. It looks like his taste after all, it’s beautiful. The outdoor furniture to the elaborate bonfire pit.

Evan takes all of those features in as he arrives down from the back where he sees four cars parked beside each other. If there are four cars and he has already arrived that means there’s one more missing.

Evan sighs.

 

_Day one starts._

 

                                    


	4. Chapter 4

Driving into the only available parking spot in front of the cabin and that eerie chill creeps up his back so he shakes his fingers to rid of that nerve before popping the trunk, in the corner of his eye he saw a head darts to the window, its Holly. She shouts and he can see the excitement in her eyes, her lurid voice can be heard from the outside, “Evan’s here!”

His nerves were packing but it’s not as elevated as Adeline’s so he grasps her hand and gave it a firm squeeze before being bombarded with heys and how are yous.   
Evan’s not worried if Adeline and his friends will get along because he knows they will love her.

‘Look at her, she’s sunshine.’ That smile and positive vibe she naturally holds; no one is not going to like her.

The house.. it still keeps its original ambiance, it’s cozy and welcoming. The interior changed a little bit, a bit more modern there are less wooden themed furniture is what he noticed. Evan can hear multiple loud voices surrounding him but he tunes them out to take a look around at the house he thought he would never set foot in again. 

“Evan man you look good!” Tony said.

He smiles and punches him lightly on the arm. “I know you don’t have to tell me, but thanks.”

“Oh here he goes, why did you have to tell him that?” Amber chimes in.

Evan came towards her and pinched her cheeks. “I’m just stating the facts here.”

They both ended up calling it truce after Amber yelps and punched him in the stomach to him pinching her other cheek then to her squishing his toes.  
Everything felt normal like the friendship weren’t even on hiatus, as if they never drifted apart.

As they just finished getting settled into their bedroom it’s a little bit past six in the afternoon and everybody is getting ready for the barbeque already and Evan’s eyes can’t help but to look at Jonathan’s office and wonder.

‘Where is he?’

“He should be back soon enough.” Amber voiced gently as she’s carrying some bowls and plates to the back for the night barbeque and Evan can feel his face lighting up with heat.

Amber can see the shock and embarrassment printed on his face so she gives him a kind smile before going out the back door so he couldn’t make a sorry excuse for just standing there in the living room and to coincidently looking in the same direction as Jonathan’s separate office cabin outside.

He wonders if the office is locked, it seems pretty dark inside. Evan wonders how it looks inside, is it untouched or was he there yesterday. How it smelled. Is it organized? Is it messy? That’s Jonathan sanctuary and so it was his… a long time ago.

Evan sighs, he needs a drink.

Popping that can of perfectly cold Budlight in the kitchen he took a hearty sip, wondering how he’s going to make this trip a smooth sailing and get the fuck home. And then he heard what literally shook his fingers and made them weak. The sound of that engine no car can make and it's Jonathan who rides it without a doubt.

Evan’s heart beats faster as the thundering crash of the engine comes closer and he can feel the ground vibrates with every reaching second. The rev of the engine is fully customized he can tell, Jonathan likes that kind of attention, eyes pivoting back to look at him, making girls wild. That’s Jonathan.

His feet instinctively move towards the front window and when he gets there he waits because he can see headlights turning the corner along the path and to be honest with himself he’s kind of scared.

The growl of the motorcycle makes his guts churn, driving the butterflies wild because he’s doesn’t know, not sure if that’s the same bike he got him for all these years. That’s the sounds of the engine that they customized together, but better. If it’s the bike Jonathan has always wished for and wanted and he got it for him on their second anniversary, it’ll be trouble for Evan. To think he still kept that bike might mean something and he shouldn't take that as a speck of hope.

That’s the bike that literally makes him weak in the heart because Jonathan is just meant for riding bikes.

 

 

 

“Evan, you said you would get me what I want for our anniversary right? You remember that?”

“Yeah tell me.”

A random question while they’re in the kitchen making their coffee. Jonathan always ask something he wants in the morning because if it doesn’t work out he’ll just egg and sugar him on all day till he gets the answer he wants. And he doesn’t like sleeping mad and that’s when Evan is still half-asleep so he takes advantage of that.

“I think you know what I want. It’s fast and sexy.”

“Me? You already have me.”

Evan teased and it’s funny he brought it up because it’s standing in the garage right now and Evan’s biting back a huge smile. Of course he knows, he knew it too well because Jonathan has been pestering him about it for months even years. It’s not that he doesn’t want to get him one, he planned it got to be today specifically.

“Come on, you know what I meant.”

“I know.”

“You do? Ok just to make sure it’s the BMW hp4 Sport ok?”

“Whatever you want.” Evan says as he leans in for a kiss.

Jonathan backs away. “You better not lie!” 

Evan laughs. “Give me a kiss and I’ll show you something.”

 

 

 

 

Jonathan revs the engine a few times before sliding into an unfilled spot, engine still grumbling while he just sits there and checks his phone. Evan’s not sure if Jonathan already saw him looking out the window and he’s pretending he didn’t see him and stall in meeting him.

Evan’s fingers slowly crushes his beer can because… it’s the same bike he got him years ago but the color’s different, it’s all matte sky blue. Of course, it fits him perfectly. He looks good like he’s a model in an ad with that outfit its simple. Black jeans, an original pair of Vans and a leather jacket.

His heart is aching because Jonathan is right there, right in front of him from a few feet but he can’t touch. Jonathan have his hand on his thigh still checking his phone for who knows what for, helmet still on and the visor is pitch black which adds a more mysterious touch to him and Evan can feel himself slowly swooning.

‘He looks really good already just like that.’

Evan wonders if all Jonathan is packing is that backpack he have on his back means he might’ve been staying at the cabin before they arrived. Seconds later he turned the vehicle off and puts away his phone and Evan knows he’s going to look up at any moment and he almost did before Holly’s shrilling scream rips Jonathan’s attention, Evan sighs.

She ran through the house and flies out the front door and into Jonathan’s readied opened arms.

“Jonathan! Jonny you’re here finally!”

He envelops her into a tender embrace and she was still squealing, that made Evan smile she was adorable. 

“Take off your helmet scary man and give me a kiss on the cheek.” Amber says while she teasingly pushes Holly away and Evan can hear that chuckle, it was gentle but he could still hear it and it’s enchanting, always charming.

The moment Jonathan grabs the side of his helmet Evan himself braced for it, for that reveal to see his face in these long years. 

The second it was pulled off his hair is messy and tousled, he gave a hypnotizing smile to her before picking her up to kiss her cheeks and jealousy was what Evan felt in that second.

‘He’s still so beautiful.’

The cracking sound of his beer can is made till his hand is fully fisted, then suddenly a hand came in and took it off his possessions so Evan looks at the person and its Tony clasping a hand on his shoulder and gave it a fixed squeeze.

Smiling and jokingly. “Don’t kill the can and go say hi to him.” Then walks out to greet him with everyone else but him and… Adeline.

“Hey why’re you standing here? Go greet your friend, you guys are besties right?”

All Evan did was look at her and smile, he wouldn’t know what to reply back. Should he say 'I’ll just wait here'. Or 'I’m scared'.

He couldn’t run away now, not anymore. The sounds of numerous footstep are drumming up the wooden stairs and his heart is in his throat, as he looks up that amiable smile dims on those plump lips. Eyes were a little surprise but isn’t, Evan isn’t sure what he can see through those eyes—it’s empty towards him. They’re completely blocking him from getting in and it looks emotionless, for a bit there he saw a flash of sorrow.

Everyone’s laughter and merriment dies down as they look at the two men staring into each other and Evan doesn’t care if the atmosphere is thick enough to drink, it’s too magnetic to look away as he examines Jonathan’s current features.

His jaws are clenched and he’s not blinking, the smile is gone with one hand fisted. His eyebrows twitches till he sees his temple flexed, as much as Evan wants to read what’s in his mind, what he’s thinking and what he’s feeling he can’t. Those eyes that were always so soft looking at him are now so ice cold—but it’s what he deserves.

Holly clears her throat. 

“Are you guys greeting each other with your eyeballs say something Jesus.”

Ambers throws in an awkward laugh which wasn’t necessary. Amber... she knows a way to lighten the mood.

“Evan.” Jonathan says. 

It’s the type of tone that’s not a call for attention instead it sounds monotone. Like calling an enemy when they walk pass you, emotionless and distant. Even with that his name haven’t sound so lovely out of a person’s mouth, who’s voice it belongs to and it makes his heart helplessly sprint.

“Jonathan.”

Evan didn’t mean to make it sound so sentimental and sad so he clears his throat.

What makes him ache a little more is Jonathan held out his hand for a shake. It was better than he had expected, he’s lucky Jonathan is even letting him touch him so he goes for it. Reaching for that hand he hopes not to feel any sparks they maybe still have, thinking about it makes his hand all clammy and it’s cold from holding that can of beer. 

‘Great, cold and clammy hands just great.’

Chills ran up his arm the moment they touch and it stuns his heart, it’s getting stuffy to breathe and he doesn’t know if Jonathan feels that too, he searches his eyes. Finally, the shield from Jonathan’s eyes are down and he could see everything—the flashbacks.

Evan can see the pain and memories flashes before his eyes like a viewing screen, he knows they both can’t look away it results to him holding Jonathan’s hand tighter and Jonathan’s eyes are in a trance with a worried looking expression on his face, and suddenly they become watery.

That moment Evan brutally wants to see what Jonathan saw in his eyes to make them glassy with pent up emotions. He was about to lift his hand to Jonathan’s face to brush his cheek but he caught himself, there are people around and his brain thinks he’s at five years back.

Jonathan looks better if not older, he hasn’t aged maybe it’s because he’s fit and healthy and it shows. While everything is moving in slow motion a draft of wind blows through the opened doorway and Jonathan’s scent hits him hard with reminiscences.

‘He smells exactly the same just minus that raspberry gu—.’

Evan spoke too soon, Jonathan’s chewing the same damn flavored gum for all these years as if he has travelled back in time and he can’t stop his eyes from drifting down to land on Jonathan’s lips as it lasted for two seconds Jonathan pulls his hand back from Evan’s grasp.

“You look goo—.” They both said in unison.

Evan felt a huge push of relief as if they’re fine when Jonathan chuckles, it’s low and heartening so Evan gets shy out of all the emotions he could've felt, and rubs the back of his neck, a known habit of his and he’s sure Jonathan caught that.

“Thanks, you too.” Evan said in the best calming tone.

“Who’s that lovely lady?” Jonathan asks in a warm tone and Evan couldn’t believe this instant has finally came so he thought it’s best to get it done, better now or later.

Evan beckons her to come forward and she looks kind of nervous, it’s not like her to be looking this anxious maybe it’s because everyone is watching them like a hawk, an audience enjoying their show. He wishes everyone would just go and do their own thing and just let them be he’s already sweating as it is.

“This is Adeline—my girlfriend.”

“It is so great to meet you.” Adeline said in her cheerful nature.

They shook hands and Jonathan knock her with his charmed up smile, it looked truly sincere and Evan felt kind of proud of her. Never would he have thought this moment would happen, an ex-lover who he’s still in love with is meeting his current lover. That is something he wouldn’t wish for anyone, not in his case—it’s complicated.

“Likewise! It’s a pleasure to meet you too, finally.”

‘Finally? He’s been wanting to meet her? Since when did he knew?’

Evan looks around and his eyes lands on Amber and she’s looking as if she’s being cautious for something to happen, skimming her irises between Jonathan and Adeline and it’s making him anxious.

“Are you hungry? Let’s go eat.” Jonathan said to Adeline and leads her to the backyard. It felt like he’s trying to run away from being near him but he thank Jonathan for that because he wouldn’t know what to do next to get out this highly awkward circumstance.

Everyone else was slowly walking behind, he can feel all eyeballs staring at him and he’s so happy that’s done and over. Not trying to say anything to anyone, he’s not making eye contact with them because that means he have to deal with what they have to say.

“Damn that was something, did y’all catch that hefty ass tension because I know I did.” Tony said softly.

Evan rolls his eyes, he’s not going to say anything and walked faster. He doesn’t know what Tony’s or they’re trying to do (those conniving children) but he has a slightest and he’s frightened. Even though they have no ill intentions on him and his relationship he knows they’re on Jonathan’s side, they favor him more and obviously he himself is a dick. They might try to deny it but why bother with that they can’t help it but to pick sides, it’s as if picking mom’s side or dad’s.

 

The moment he’s outside the view is in a beautiful hue of purple and blue, reflecting off the lake makes it more enchanting with the perfect chilling breeze just the way he likes his weather. With everything so stunning and perfect his mind roams off wondering where Jonathan is, he’s not here.

Evan tries to look around without making it look horribly obvious so he only move his eyeballs, still no sign of him. He wants to ask but who is he going to ask, it’s already a red flag so he waits, tries to help out with the grills, set up the tables, bring out utensils, starts grilling the meat, feeds himself a little bit of the chips that’s available, talk and socialize like what he’s here for and not worry about Jonathan every second and where his whereabouts.

‘Don’t act like such a creep what are you doing you idiot.’

Checking the meat, flipping them with one of Amber’s high quality tongs. What’s so special about them, they just have colors, without them being stainless steel they’re rubbery. She says it doesn’t “hurt” the meat whatever that means like she can taste their pain?

“Hey Holly, where’s your famous iced tea hm?” Jonathan spoke, Evan can hear his footsteps rustling crunchy leaves behind while he comes closer. Evan’s not going to look back.

‘Just worry about grilling the damn meat, you’re not a teenager with a crush anymore damn it.’

It’s actually the same feeling you would have, the giddy feeling you get when the guy you really like is getting near and you can’t help but get choked and freeze in your position. He acts like he didn’t hear him but he hears how Jonathan walks. He doesn’t want to think what expression Jonathan has on while he walks but he can see it behind his mind. Evan acts like he’s not concerned but all he wants is a small talk.

It’s always heavenly and Evan could never help but smile at the corny little jokes Jonathan makes an effort to put in, he sneaks it in and Evan has to grin with the additional passion that’s written on Jonathan’s face as he talks. Their conversations turns to hours till somebody gets hungry and it starts over again. He misses that.

“Oh it’s right on the table over there. Try not to drink it all and save it for the rest of us?” Holly spoke.

Jonathan chuckles.

The moment Evan thinks Jonathan walked fairly far off he snuck in a shifty glance, planning to plant just a quick one then he’ll resume his eyes back to the grills. 

Checking his surrounding first, making sure nobody else is looking at him first then he’ll make his move. Evan knows this is a mistake to begin with and he shouldn’t be thinking about these actions other than doing them. The curiosity always takes over him.

Jonathan is wearing the same outfit just that he switched his leather jacket to a thick looking hoodie, drinking Holly’s signature iced tea with his back towards him and Evan takes that tiny opportunity to peep at Jonathan a tad longer.

He wasn’t sure how long he was looking because already Jonathan can sense the hot lasers warming up his back for a while now but he still kept looking. In any moment now Jonathan will eventually turn his way but a part of Evan thinks Jonathan is letting him look and he’s aware.

Jonathan shifts his weight from one leg to another sipping his drink with his other hand in his hoodie’s pocket talking to Holly’s fiancé nonchalantly.

Suddenly he turns and Evan freaks, he resumes to the grill and he knew he burned one side of the meat. How stupid would he look if he actually got caught. Evan slightly shakes   
his head thinking how brave he was to make that move and got away with it.

“Ahem.”

A voice comes from right in front of him. Tony. He saw everything. This whole time? For how long?

‘Shit.’

Tony quirks one eyebrow as in telling him I saw everything you creep. He smirks at Evan like he thinks he has the upper hand in everything now, like he’ll blackmail him and bring   
it up if he’s irks him. Tony caught him just in the first hour of arriving, he’s already messed up.

What? Evan mouthed to Tony. Trying his best to seem as if it’s not a big deal and what he did just now wasn’t wrong at all, Evan tries hard to brush it off.

Tony gives him the are-you-kidding-me? look. Evan knows he’s not going to let him off but why does he have to explain anything anyways, Tony probably already knows and he’s just playing around with his emotions to get him riled up and anxious. Well let it be what it is, it’s already done it can’t be unseen.

Evan shrugs at Tony and back to grilling he goes. Tony scoffs a laugh and walks towards him.

‘Fuck.’

“Boy, you were burning Jonathan’s back there a few seconds ago you gonna pretend you didn’t do that?” Tony spoke softly as he drapes his arm on Evan’s shoulders and he’s already irritated, wishing he’ll just go away and forget about it, this is already the situation he’s been dreading.

“Look man I couldn’t help it ok? What’s done is done, that was nothing let’s forget about it alright?”

Tony sighs. “Alright man, that’s your business I understand.”

Evan sighs. “Thanks.”

“If it’s nothing then it’s ok if Jonathan knows right? That you were getting hot and it’s not because of the grill—.”

Evan pushes him off his shoulders and side-kicks him to the leg. The threatening look on Evan’s face made Tony backs off with a wide satisfied grin. Evan doesn’t want to cause attention to the two of them so he calms himself and points at Tony with his fancy tongs.

“I’ll kill you and crush your balls with these scorching tongs bitch.” Evan whispered but as piercing as he can so Tony can only hear him loud and clear.  
He stuck his tongue out to Evan before he turns around and skipped away as if he’s won.

Evan sighs and looks up to see Jonathan was already looking at him, curiosity in his eyes, an innocent looking gaze and Evan kept their eye contact. Jonathan looks softly at him and he presses his lips together.

“Who’s been missing me?!”

A loud, thunderous voice boomed from the back door. It was Ben’s voice. This is the moment Evan might be dreading the most by far, aren’t Ben and Jonathan a thing said by   
Tony? He hopes to God that’s not true, but he doesn’t have any right to set rules.

Jonathan tears their eye contact off to look at Ben and—smiles.

And does that kind of hurt. That smile was supposed to be for him.

Since Ben’s the closest to him he sees him first and beeline towards with his arms wide open. Even though Evan kind of hates Ben right now he actually misses him and their friendship. 

They share a warming hug.

“My man you’ve been working out! Looking better than the last time I saw you! I better step up my game fast then.” Ben enthusiastically beamed.

“Thanks man. You look good too, I’m glad to see your outfit choice improved you looked terrible back then.” Evan jokes.

“Ohh this is the Evan I love.”

Ben squeezes his shoulder before he walks straight towards Jonathan and Evan stares trails of fire to the back of Ben’s skull. His eyes impulsively twitch when Ben slip a kiss on Jonathan’s cheek before engulfing him in a tight hug. It was a little too tight at least how he sees it, and his arms is too low to his liking.

The nerve to do it right in front of him. Evan can sense eyes staring and again the atmosphere is as hard and cold as ice. He looks away and tend to the meat, ignoring the situation and long greetings between his friends. 

He doesn’t have to worry about Adeline, she’s already introduced herself and went off with the girls on the table being a social butterfly and she makes it look so effortless and   
Evan envies her in this situation, it feels like he doesn’t have the strength right now. Adeline is his guardian angel, she looks out for him without her even knowing, without him   
asking for it and it makes him marvels how she does that.

 

====

 

Forks and plates clanking against each other as everybody digs into their dinner. Evan got to admit and the ambiance with everyone here is really nice, with the beautiful scenery of the outdoors and the lake reflecting the full moon is breathtaking. The nice cooling breeze moderately skimming through is the perfect temperature, it surprises him it hasn’t gotten super cold at this hour. Everyone’s talking and laughing makes him feel warm inside which makes him glad that he chose to come here.

“Oh yeah here’s a pretty cute thing Jonathan did. So I came here earlier than you guys so I can set up the food preparations, getting settled in my room and such…” Amber stops to swallow the rest of her food as if she was getting to the juicy part. 

Jonathan is looking deeply at her, engaged on what she saw.

“… I saw him sleeping on the balcony all cute-like with his arms and legs crossed on the beach chair. I don’t know what he was saying or what he meant… but it sounded like he was saying ‘Vanoss’ multiple time—”

Jonathan and himself choked on their food and coughed violently simultaneously. Evan almost coughed his lungs out while Adeline pats his back and Ben does the same for Jonathan.

His eyes are tearing up; he can’t concentrate on what Amber just said was real he couldn’t sink it in.

‘He dreamt about me? Vanoss of all people? My alter ego?’

Vanoss was the name they both came up with years ago, only they know it. It’s something very intimate and secretive that they shared. Jonathan would call him that sometimes because that’s the name Jonathan and him holds dearly to… when they make love sometimes that name gets brought up to spice things new. He hasn’t heard that name being spoken for so long he thought it was long dead.

“Jesus are you two okay? Drink some water.” Holly and Tony said.

“Excuse me.” Jonathan says as he got up and quickly went inside the cabin.

Evan can still hear Jonathan coughing his lungs to death inside while he himself tries to stabilize his breathing. Maybe some food traveled through his nose and his eyes are teary, making a few a more coughs he looks around and everybody has their eyes on him like they’re waiting for an explanation for this weirdly timed coincidence.

Avoiding everybody’s eye contacts he looks down at the wooden table and reach for his drink. This day couldn’t get better. 

He can already feel everybody’s boiling their own questions in themselves and he’s not ready to answer them, he won’t. Is he just being paranoid and thinking too much? Why is time in slow motion right now?

“Well that was weird.” Amber chuckles. “Care to explain, Evan?” 

She looks at him with a faint arched brow and he wants to press his hand over her mouth if he can. Does she not know she’s making the situation harder for him with Adeline around? What is she thinking? Evan gave her a signal with his eyes indicating she just fucked up but the evil within her doesn’t seem to care. That moment Evan wish god to smite him with lightning.

What is he going to say?

“There’s nothing to explain, that word doesn’t mean anything. I sometimes just say gibberish in my sleep all the time, don’t worry about it.” 

Jonathan voice came from behind, low and soft.

Evan got to admit what he said kind of hurt. To think all the history behind that name is brushed off by Jonathan, declared as irrelevant and worthless. It made Evan realized it really is over and he should try to move on with this one-sided affection towards this man, his first love. But what did he expect Jonathan would say, the truth? 

He tried to show no reaction in his seat but he clenched his jaw before he can stop himself. Evan is well aware Amber is the best face reader he’s ever known and she’s dangerous in this type of condition. He takes a sip from his cup and acts nonchalant as best as he can because he still feel four eyeballs still on him, Adeline and Amber.

“Really.” Amber says in an unconvinced tone; it wasn’t a question.

Evan thinks what does Amber even want as a qualified explanation. What does she want to hear in front of all their friends? He might have to talk to her after this, even if she probably knows everything she can’t turn this tiny scenario just about them two. Even though if she can read through the both of them she can’t do this to him because it’s over.  
Whatever she’s planning won’t work on their relationship.

“Yea.” Quickly answered Jonathan with a flat tone.

He looks at Tony and he’s sporting this confused look, it reassured Evan Tony has no clue what they’re talking about and that’s such a relief soaking him. He’ll be damned if he knows.

Evan contemplates how would Amber even got a clue the name Vanoss was even connected to him, they never tell anybody, they never say that name outside between the two of them so how would Amber link that together with him? Unless Jonathan told her but he doubts he would do that, it holds too much intimate sentiments to involve another person to know their private memories. Memories. 

 

====

 

4 A.M.

He can’t sleep.

The thought Jonathan dreamt of him is embedded on his mind since last night, wondering what kind of dream it was, where were they and what were they doing. Evan doesn’t want to think about that, doesn’t want to touch into that image which will be too late to stop. It usually is too intimate; he doesn’t want to be depressed with untouched recollections.

Evan continues his pondering. Was it a memory dream or a new dream? Are they on the bed, in the kitchen, outside? Where is he touching Jonathan and what does he sound like. Does he do that sigh he does or does he bite his lip when he touches him there. 

He huff through his nose.

‘Shit I wasn’t supposed to think about this.’

But it’s too late to end this thought.

Was Jonathan pleading him for something, was he beckoning him from afar, was he provoking him and teasing him from somewhere. To repeat that name over and over again might mean something, he might be begging.

His core coiled and fluttered for that thought and image. The sound of that name coming from Jonathan’s lungs does things to him, it makes him weak and he succumbs to Jonathan’s demands that’s what the name is for. It’s a weakness it makes him fragile but strong, a disadvantage for him but an advantage for Jonathan.

It’s a name who makes him a different person compared to just ‘Evan’. A name which gave him power but is taken away at the same time by Jonathan’s voice and hands.  
It might be exaggerated but Evan would spill his own blood to be in the dream Jonathan had, what he would be able to give to dream that dream and be together with him in that imaginary world where nothing is right than wrong.

How weak and pathetic of him to think that as Adeline lies beside him. He gets up slowly and artfully slides off the bed, sleep is not an option he can’t even blink.   
Standing in the darkness with the only light is from the outside lamp, he rubs his eyes. There’s a chair placed in front of the window so he takes benefit of that and takes a seat, he can see why the chair is positioned here. You can get the perfect view of the lake and the mountains, Evan takes calm in that and he feels relaxed, the most relaxed he’s felt in days. 

Evan scans his eyes down to see a bonfire, a pretty big size too, he sees a figure sitting in a lawn chair with a beer in their hand right next to the fire.   
It’s Jonathan, because it’s the same hoodie he wore last night. There are clusters of questions popping for answers as to ‘was he there the entire night. How long is he there for and is he cold? Why is he sitting there, what if a bear comes and maul him away? Is he asleep or awake?’

Evan is battling if he should go down and tell him to go inside, whether if it’s the right thing to do if he does. He sees two more beer bottle at the bottom of the chair.

‘He’s been drinking?’

Jonathan’s hand moved to rub his forehead—he is awake. 

‘Maybe he’s fine.’

Evan has been watching him for almost a full hour and he hasn’t moved much since, except taking swigs of beer and lighting a cigarette.

‘He never smoked, when did that start?’

Talking to himself, asking question like he’ll get some answers back, as if Jonathan will ghostly reply to him. Evan shakes his head for how sad he might look, but it’s only him   
here and only him to know.

Seeing how lonely Jonathan looks sitting by himself, surrounded by blackness it makes Evan wish to be accompanying him with small talks—like they usually had. 

Sitting alongside him, holding his hand in this cold night. He would let Jonathan drape his legs on top of his, they would share blankets but he would give Jonathan more fabric to keep him warm. He would let him rest his head on his shoulder while he brushed his knuckles till he gets drowsed with comfort. They would be basking in the contented silence between them, listening to the crickets and leaves rustling in the wind. Jonathan would hum his own made up song and it holds its own easing pleasure, how bad and random it may be he’ll eventually loves whatever Jonathan made up.

 

The moment Evan opened his eyes it was already morning and Adeline is shaking him awake. A part of his brain is muddled whether it was a dream that he actually saw Jonathan sitting outside or was it the only sight and thought of Jonathan that put him soundly asleep before he knows it.

Jonathan. 

He looked outside and the chair is empty, he must’ve went inside after he nodded off or is he kidnapped or maybe got mauled by a bear like he said.   
Evan greets Adeline and she seemed a bit worried, he tries to play it off as the unfamiliar bed is making him unable to sleep last night.

“Hey you doing okay? You seemed a bit off last night.”

Evan holds her hand.

“I was just taking in the view and knocked out nothing’s wrong don’t worry.”

She smiles and gives him a kiss on the chin, she brushes his hair back tenderly and it’s the gesture to relish to. To think a girl can look so lovely in the morning with strands sticking out and tired eyes, skin glowing in the morning light. 

Adeline laughs.

“Why’re you looking at me like that?”

“Because you’re too beautiful in the morning, compared to someone else who look like an ogre.”

Adeline huffs. She grooms his hair back, brushes his eyes gently with the pads of her thumbs and pinches his cheeks.

“What are you talking about? You look better than I am now.”

“Yeah now because you fixed me up, you woke up beautiful.” 

“You’re so cheesy.”

“You’re so cheesy Evan, to the point that you’re greasy.” 

Evan had a reminiscence in Jonathan’s voice back to the times he would say to him. He would say that so often his voice is rooted in his brain whenever he would hear the word cheesy.

‘I guess I am cheesy.’

“I’m hungry let’s go downstairs, somebody’s been cooking.”

Adeline grabs his hand and leads them to the door while a thought popped into Evan’s head the moment she turns the knob, how this day is going to go, last night felt like an eternity to get out of an awkward situation with no help in tow. Evan has a feeling somebody outside that door is out to get him, he mentally rubs his head.

 

====

 

Breakfast was strangely enjoyable and pleasant, not that it’s not supposed to be its just outstandingly normal. Maybe he has been thinking into it too much and nobody else seems to care about last night. Maybe he’s freaking out too much for no reason. 

They dine outside at the same spot, Holly and Amber with their fiancés could belt out a killer breakfast feast, he can tell they truly create an effort to make this weekend the best as possible, it has been years and Evan can see the excitement in their eyes. With this beautiful view of the glimmering body of water, sun shining on the mountain hills, the smell of pine and oak makes Evan truly feel he’s finally sensing peace. 

Everything was going swell until Evan let his eyes wander to land on Ben beginning to put his arm around Jonathan’s shoulders, that unbearable eye-twitch abruptly began before he’s aware, he tries not to gape but the look on Ben’s face as he looked at him make him want to flip food at the guy and make him choke on it.

Evan looks away disinterestedly and he caught a glimpse of Jonathan’s expression—he looks normal, just like it’s a natural routine. Eating his breakfast with no care in the world, he keeps enjoying his meal as if he wasn’t there and it gave an unbearable hurt in his heart before it drops, his fingers prickles and he feels gone. He zones out.

If he also put his arm around Adeline is that a petty thing to do? If he excuses himself and leave is that a lame thing to do in front of everyone? He feels disoriented and misplaced, it’s a feeling that he shouldn’t be there around them. It’s a feeling that he’s the person that isn’t welcome around them two.

“Evan, how did you sleep last night?” Amber asks, it’s an innocent question but somehow he feels jumpy and anxious because of that subject.

“It was fine.” Evan calmly answers a lie.

“No it wasn’t Evan. He couldn’t sleep last night Amber, tossing and turning and eventually he fell asleep sitting on the chair in front of our window overlooking the view here. Obviously the view is peaceful to the point that he finally gets to fall asleep.” Adeline says.

Every word she spewed he has the strong urge to cover her mouth but couldn’t. Every word his palm sweats, with every word he feels dizzy because he knows that’s the moment he’s getting found out in front of Jonathan and he knows it. Every second Adeline speaks he’s becoming more guilty and he’s caught. 

He feels Jonathan’s attention, and he wants to run away.

‘God, why?’

His eyes deceive him yet again and it skims to where Jonathan sits. He looks without thinking, he just wanted so much to know what Jonathan’s expression is at the moment.  
He was already looking at him with a neutral gaze—he’s waiting for a reply.

Evan knows Jonathan has a clue on what he set his eyes on late last night while he couldn’t sleep and what made him sleep. He attempts to steady his breathing and not grit his teeth where it’ll lead to a headache he’ll dread. 

What is he going to say to get out of this smoothly he wonders, he got to come up with a swift and clever answer where he can run from Jonathan’s suspicions.

‘No one has a clue except me and probably Jonathan.’

“Oh I guess the sight was quite gorgeous, huh Evan? For you to be able to have a first good night sleep?” Amber probes.

Her questions seem somewhat cynical and skeptical, Evan’s not sure if this is her personality or if she just knows something he doesn’t.

“Yeah it was stunning.” Evan answers with confident towards Amber.

He’s not going to cower under her pressurizing vibes.

“Really?” Jonathan spoke. 

It sure wasn’t a question as if he asked out of curiosity, it sounded like he want a reassurance for himself.

This black hole he’s at gets deeper every second, already getting sucked in and he knows it’s too late to turn back. Then, suddenly all the fucks he has flies out the window and Evan feels the amount of bravery surge into him. The care and caution he had—evaporated. 

Everyone around the table is dead silent, observing the two of them and Evan doesn’t care. It’s time for Ben’s arm to slowly slide off Jonathan’s shoulders and Evan thanked he isn’t dumb enough to not sense the tension he created, to still be even able touch Jonathan right before his eyes. He thanked Ben isn’t that stupid. 

Evan turns and looks straight into Jonathan’s eyes. He can feel the magnetic yet dark energy he all of a sudden possesses and he transfer that to Jonathan with the glower of his eyes. 

He speaks with a stern and deep tone.

“It was the loveliest thing I’ve ever set my eyes on, in a long time.” 

He answers with a solid tone and he’s surprised how true it sounded and he’s proud of how it came out. To see the reaction he got out of Jonathan made him pleased and satisfied, the sight of him being shocked as if he was expecting him to come up with a useless excuse of an answer. 

Jonathan’s eyes widen just marginally, nose flared and his jaw tightens. His eyes became watery.

Evan has his arms resting on the table, partially crossed while keeping their eye contact, then Evan realizes they’re mirroring each other gestures. When Jonathan blinks he blinks, when he purses his lip Jonathan does too. 

“What did you see?” Jonathan’s voice came out quiet and low. It’s soft like a whisper, while he slowly blinks at Evan.

‘You’

No. Evan caught his tongue in time, that would be a disaster, a hellish of a situation he’s not made to handle.

His heart is hurting with the pace it’s beating and from the rush he hasn’t felt in ages.

“It’s obvious Jonathan.”

The rapid chill jogged up his arms and it’s not from the wind, and for sure he knows he wasn’t the only one that felt it.


End file.
